Wednesday, September 19, 2007

新 SASUKE 秋! The Sort of Live Blog! American Ninja Warriors and SASUKE All-Stars oh my!

Update: Japan Probe has some clips of the competition up here.

It's the Shin-SASUKE Fall 2007 sort of live blog! What did we learn from the last two live blogs I did? One lesson is that I need to do a bit more research before the blog because it was hell trying to figure out what was what. We've got a bit of inside info from the Bengoshi SASUKE~! so I have some idea of how the first stage is laid out. Hope you don't get edited out Bengoshi! Oh, and the other lesson I learned is don't hold down the shift button too long or stuff will happen to your keyboard.

Here we go!

Y'know, TBS gives a lot away during the opening credits. Way to build suspense guys.

No race this year. Perhaps it took too long? First Ninja Warriors sighting! Paul ANTHONY Terek! Nagasaki brothers!

Version up!

1 - Suidokyoku (Water Works) guy! He's stretching! The Sextuple Steps is back because apparently too many people got hurt on the Rope Glider. Log Grip and Pole Maze are no problem. Jumping Spider is!

2 - Yamashita something something! He can tear a comic book! And not one of those twenty page American ones. It doesn't help! He falls on the Log Grip.

6 - He's from Ghana! He's a model! Log Grip! No! He falls Ghanian butt first into the water.

8 - The son of a Yokozuna! Kitano something or other. I'm bad with the names this year. Log Grip! Your father should disown you!!!!

9 - Choshu Korikki! His number is falling off. He takes a GIANT fall off the steps into the water! Let's see that again.

Next guy has no number. He's some sort of doctor? He's got nurse supporters! Log Grip! Okay! Pole Maze! No! The pole hit a bar and he went flying off!

Next guy is a weight lifter! He smashes an apple! IT DOESN'T HELP! He falls into the water.

Next up is a female beach football player! She's 30 (her age, not number). Steps are okay! Log Grip is up next! FUMBLE! Or she fell off. Take your pick.

Capoeira (or however you spell it) guy! NO! He lets down all his students! He then dances himself into the mud. He was number 27 btw.

Next up! Lance Tapend! Or whatever! He teaches at an international school! He's got students there. That's never a good sign. Up to the Pole Maze! Some problems but he's through. Jumping Spider! Airball! He got up into the air but never connected. His students are shocked! But no crying. Darn. He was number 28.

Digest time! A masked wrestler, female futsal player, comedian, some guy named TATSUJI! and some other guy hit the water. The wrestler was Flying Kid something something.

30 is the Guitar Samurai! Yamaguchi-ken represent! Steps are okay! Log Grip! And much like Abe Shinzo, he lets Yamaguchi down.

We skip ahead annnnnnnd...

42 is the BENGOSHI SASUKE! He's wearing a suit! And has a sign! He's off! Log problem! Pole Maze! OKAY! Jumping Spider....he's up..NO!. Good try though Lenny! Give us more inside info next time!

Next is that really creepy guy that makes the models. He usually goes a step and then falls! PERSONAL BEST! He makes it two steps before hitting the water.

OCTOPUS GUY! Heh, there's an octopus waiting for him on the red button. He here goes! We have 115 seconds for the first stage by the way. Steps! OK! Log Grip! OK! Pole Maze coming up. WHOA! WAIT! He's still on the pole. He's trying to go back to get his balance. OK! One more try? He's trying to get his balance. Cut to the last ten seconds and he's still on the pole. Time up! The octopus is lonely.

Next is the glider guy (where are the numbers?). He's stuck between the last two steps! He tries to jump for it! NO! Heh. Some dude in a red shirt thinks that was HILARIOUS.

More digest time!

Some guy, a trucker, some comedian, a guy wearing a gymnastics uniform all strike out.

43 - Minami Yoshihiro! He's a stunt man! He's been on Mito Komon! Steps and Log Grip are no problem! Pole Maze! OKAY! Jumping Spider....whoa! He was stuck and then bounced back and flipped on the platform! SASUGA ACTION HAIYU! He's the first to the new area! The Half-Pipe Attack! NO! So the Half-Pipe Attack is a curved wall off which you must jump and grab a rope. He didn't quite have his footing.

The veterans are a bit concerned.

47 - Is Matsuda something or other! He qualified via Muscle Park! Man, I need to go there. He has a sash! Steps and Log Grip are no problem. Pole Maze up. OK! Jumping Spider. He takes a breath. Yes! He's through. Half-Pipe...He's got the rope! NO!

Darn. He had potential.

48 - He...umm..he's having wardrobe problems. He can't get his pants over his shoes! He's going for it anyway! First step and no! He still has his pants around his ankles as he comes out of the water. Let's see that again! Wow, lesson to be learned by everyone. Wear a costume that comes off easily. That'll be hard to live down at the office. Hey, someone else was in the water too? Heh. A camera man wiped out as it was happening. Someone at TBS has a sense of humour as a kind of Benny Hill music is playing in the background.

As he walks away his pants are still around his ankles.

Fifty have tried! Fifty have failed!

51 - Is G4 Ninja Warrior Bret Simms! He practiced with the All-Stars at Shiratori's place! CMs.

We're back!

Steps and Log Grip are no problem. Pole Maze! OK! Jumping Spider! Here he goes! He's UP!


He couldn't keep his grip.


His free G4 t-shirt got wet! But he really enjoyed it!

55 - Misaki something! He's a teacher. His students have been on SASUKE JUNIOR! He's off. Steps. Log Grip. Pole Maze. Jumping Spider. He had some trouble with this in his video. Here he goes! HEAD FIRST INTO THE WATER! Way to go, teach!

Next up is reaction geinojin Degawa! He gets the spray from Mister SASUKE! That's an automatic fail. LOG GRIP! NO! Why'd he take his shirt off before that? He wasn't very serious about the whole thing.

57 - He's a university student who wants to be a pro boxer! Steps, Log Grip and Pole Maze are no problem! Jumping Spider! Yes! He has potential. Can he do it? Half Pipe! Yes! He's up to the Wall! First chance! Yes! Flying Chute! Yes! Tobimashita! Time is precious though! D'oh! CMs.

Rich donuts! So where do the poor donuts go?

Suzy and Mark? Huh?

We're back! Jikan ga nai! Rope Ladder! Will he be...NO! TIME-UP!

The All-Stars are worried!

0 for 70!

71 - He's 15! He'll be the coolest kid in school if he makes it! Man, where do people find the space and time to make the obstacles in their homes? Steps and Log Grip are okay! Pole Maze! He's stuck! He can't get it! He's too light I think. Wait! Okay! He either doesn't have the strength or the weight to move the bar. Finally! Jumping Spider! Yes! Can he do it? It will be close. Half-Pipppp...He slips!

77 - Nagasaki Takamasa! Will he be the first! He says he'll be the first like last time! Steps and Log Grip are no problem! Pole Maze! Jumping Spider! Sugoi speed! Half- Pipe Attack is no problem! He's up to the wall but then I get a commercial for 7-11!

We're back! First! Second. No! Third! Yes! Flying Chute! NO!!!!!!!! He missed the rope! I guess he was wrong. Nagasaki brothers! Shunsuke is worried.

79 - 3% body fat Yamada Koji! Steps and Log Grip are no problem. Pole Maze! OK! Jumping Spider! YES! Orange pants! Half-Pipe Attack! NO PROBLEM! The Wall is up! First try! Flying Chute! YES! WAIT! He can't reach the ladder! YES HE DOES! IS HE GOING TO DO IT! 18 seconds left. Rope ladder! Ten seconds! YES! With four seconds left! After 79 people we get our first through!

The rope must be a bit farther away from the ladder on the Flying Chute or something.

81 - Our first All-Star! Yamamoto Shingo! Steps and Log Grip are no problem. Pole Maze! Whoa! Abunai! He takes a second chance at it. He's through. Jumping Spider. Yes! NO! He got into the space and then couldn't hold it.

Yamamoto Shingo masaka!

82 - Our next All-Star! Shiratori Bunpei! He builds! He's added a Salmon Ladder to his set. Nagano gives him encouragement! 1 for 81 so far! Here he goes! Steps, Log Grip are okay! Some problem with the Pole Maze but he's through. Jumping Spider! YES! Half-Pipe Attack! Yes! Here come the Wall! No! Once more! No! Less than 30 seconds! He looks tired! Yes! He's got it but he's tired! Time is running out! Flying Chute! Time UP! Just as he hits the rope! Oy vey.

The All-Stars are worried.

He drops himself into the water.

84 - Takahashi Kenji! He reached the third stage last time. As I said then, he's unhandsome. I'm no model but...anyway, Steps and Log Grip are okay! Pole Maze! OKAY! Jumping Spider! Ye..NO! His left leg wasn't up in time. You have to get your body just right.

More people don't make it. Four to be exact.

86 - Motor-cross rider Washimi Yuuji! He didn't get past the Salmon Ladder last time. It's time for revenge! Steps and Log Grip are no problem. Pole Maze...OK. Jumping Spider! OK! Half-Pipe Attack! OK! A kyu rider! Wall! FIRST TRY! Lots of time left! Flying Chute! YES! Can he make it two? Rope Ladder! He's up! Time is going red! YES! 3.2 seconds left! WE HAVE TWO!

87 - American's Colin Bell! The G4 winner! Steps are fine! Log Grip and Pole Maze no problem! Jumping Spider!



Wow, I think the G4 Ninja Warrior forum members will not be very happy.

I wish I could have practiced the Jumping Spider more!

91 - Here we go! Mister SASUKE! Yamada Katsumi! Jinsei SASUKE!
Before he starts let us re-live his recent past failures.
Only two of the ninety. Can he do it? If he falls on the steps I don't know if I'll be able to complete this live blog.
Here he goes! Whoa! He did stumble a bit there. Log Grip! CMs.

September 23rd. Doors! It's a kind of obstacle course for geinojin. I believe they are in teams of four? Anyway, it's not nearly as phsyically taxing as SASUKE.

We're back! First two obstacles again. Pole Maze! Problems! He has to try again. He's limping! Second try. He's stuck! Time is running out! He's smiling! At HIS OWN FAILURE! Twenty seconds left and he's finally on to the Jumping Spider.
YAMADA KATSUMIIIIIIII! That wasn't quite as satisfying since you knew he wasn't going to finish the first stage anyway. That was, I have to say, a new low point in the career of Mister SASUKE.

Three All-Stars! Three failures!

Takeda! You're up! He's been practicing the Salmon Ladder.

96 - Takeda! He's off! He's got rhythmic clapping! Steps, Log Grip no problem! The Pole Maze! He takes two tries to get it. Jumping SPIDER! Tonda! Tonda! His pants are orange! Half-Pipe Attack! Clear! The wall! NO! Second time. NO! Third! NO! Saigo no chance! NO! Twenty seconds! He's got it! But the time has gone red!


Four All-Stars! Four failures.

What's going on?

97 - Nagasaki Shunsuke! Steps! Okay. His brother is looking on! Log Grip and Pole Maze are no problems. Jumping Spider! The crowd ooohs! Sasuga trampoline players! Half-Pipe Attack! No problem. Wall is no problem! Flying Chute! Whoa! Abunai!


Wow. Again.


We're back. He missed the rope ladder to climb down. Wow. And we thought KUNOICHI was hard this year.

Nagasaki Brothers fall victim to the Flying Chute.

97 participants. 2 have cleared.

98 - PAUL! ANTHONY! TEREK! He's your Sportsman No. 1 in case you didn't know. He's off! King of Athletes! Pole Maze is NO PROBLEM! Cool. Jumping Spider! AHHHHHHHHH!

His foot slipped. His left foot didn't land cleanly and it cost him.

99 - Sato Hiromichi. He's the host of Muscle Channel. His son is there. As we all know, that's never a good sign. Only two people left! CMs.

Unilever! If you're old, they'll help your hair. Proage!

We're back! Whoa! Not the cleanest of starts. Log Grip. D'oh! His son is very confused. Log Grip masaka retire!

Man, this first stage is a KILLER. Well, at least he can always practice at Muscle Park. Note that the first stage is the part that people rarely put together some elaborate course for (aside from Bunpei). Nor are you able to practice for it at Muscle Park.

100 - Nagano Makoto! The pressure is on him! He carries the weight of the All-Stars on his shoulders. Can he do it! He's off! Steps. Log Grip. Pole Maze. Jumping Spider coming up. No problem. Half-Pipe Attack. The Wall is no problem. Flying Chute coming up! CMs!

We're back! Flying Chute!



Five All-Stars. Five failures. Wow.

2nd Stage.

80 seconds to complete. There's one new area, the Skywalk.

Yamada is up first. Diving Jump is no problem. Salmon Ladder. CMs.

KUNOICHI only had four make the Second Stage and only one person made it to the Third Stage. Will anyone even make the Third Stage this time?

We're back. Uh oh. OKAY! Back on track. Last step of the ladder. Time is running out! Masaka Yamada! The time is going red! TIME-UP! His children are suitably shocked. One misplacement of the bar just threw off his rhythm.

And then there was one.

Motor-cross rider Yuji is last. Here he goes! He's up to the Salmon Ladder. He carries everyone's hopes on his shoulders. He's up to the last step! No! One more try. No! Time is running out! He has to go for it! NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

98 victims in the first stage, including all five All-Stars, the American Ninjas and Paul ANTHONY Terek.

2 victims in the second stage, both to the Salmon Ladder.

The course, quite frankly, kicked everyone in the head.


This is what the Spring SASUKE should have been like. The course should have been too hard (as opposed to too dangerous). Enough people reached the 2nd and 3rd stages to give everyone (the competitors and the fans) a kind of false hope that reaching the final was not that far away. This brings everyone (including the All-Stars) back down to earth. Will some people get discouraged? Of course they will. But those who really want to compete will come back with more fire next time. That should make the next competition very very interesting to watch.

Oh, and in the long run the Ninja Warrior guys did not do all that bad considering the overall rate of success and it would be a shame if G4 didn't give them another crack at it.

See everyone for the next competition!


Bengoshi Sasuke said...

I love reading your commentaries. Keep it up!

_Bengoshi Sasuke

lostinube said...

Haha! That was fast! I just put this up! That first stage was a killer, wasn't it? Do you know if they have any plans for a next competition sooner than usual since so many people wiped out so early?

Jeannie said...

Oh wow- I knew that there were a few All-Stars that didn't make it, but all of them. I'm really, really shocked right now.

Some Kinda Wonderful said...

How shocking! Who would have thought it would end like that? BTW, thanks so much for the report (even tho it ended so badly for my favorites).

pamwax said...

Thanks for the post. It was a real shocker but interesting.

Arsenette said...

Thanks for the play by play Ube :) For those of us in the US that have to wait almost 2 months before we even get to know what's going on.. I appreciate you taking time to transcribe it. Look forward to Sasuke 20!