Tuesday, December 23, 2014

究極の男は誰だ!?最強スポーツ男子頂上決戦2014 Sports Danshi Grand Prix 2014!

Just got home. Celebrating the Emperor's birthday is serious business.

Our host hosts.

YOU can win a Toyota Land Cruiser Prado! Or maybe just a big key.

1st Event: The Fence!

15 meters of pure metal!

Mandy Sekiguchi! Our defending champion! He's in a red jersey. Unfortunately, he lost the flattop.

And his opponent will be...everyone is looking to check. It's Masato! He gets the legend tag.

1st Pair: Mandy Sekiguchi and Masato

Ready. GO! About the same as we go to the commercial. Thanks for spoiling one of the final three, TBS. Why don't you just not show the replay of SASUKE in my area while you...oh.


They're off! About the same. Mandy having a bit of a problem. Masato about to get the top first. He's way ahead. 22.83!  41.64 for Mandy. Is it the pressure?

Masato is first. After two.

2nd Pair: Ryusei Yokohama and Yuki Sawa! Lots of shirtless posing during their pre-taped intros.

Both are under the age of 21. Will youth prevail tonight? They're off. Sawa off to a good start but Yokohama is not far behind. Sawa lost his footing! Yokohama is almost there! 28.37! He'll be second! Sawa finishes with a 30.50.

3rd Pair: Robin (from Hawaii) and Daiki Miyagi. Miyagi is on Terrace House, a reality show on TBS. Synergy!

Dare da? After this commercial.


Robin up quickly! Miyagi is struggling! Robin in the red zone. Still a bit behind the lead times though. 26.97 for him. Miyagi is still going. 37.33 for him. At least he's not last!

3rd Pair: Yosuke Imai (another Terrace House person - complete with Taylor Swift music) and Nagase Kamen Rider guy.

4 percent body fat!

They're off! About the same but Nagase loses his footing but makes up for it! He's almost up! Imai is strugglging! 36.89 for Imai. 23.50 for Nagase. He's in 2nd!

Another Legend. Screaming Iketani is my favorite. Ladies clap politely while Iketani wants to show that there's no difference between him and the young uns.

4th Pair: Naoki Iketani and Yusuke Onuki. Legend versus Dancer!

They talk about Onuki's elite DNA.

Dochi da?

Go! But we get a commercial first. No finals spoilers this time.


About the same but Iketani with a slight lead. Both in the red zone! Last spurt! Almost a photo finish! 22.89 for Onuki and 23.29 for Iketani. Masato stays in the lead!

5th Pair: Hayato Takizawa is all sweaty and Ryo Matsuda (another Kamen Rider guy). Hrm..some foreshadowing.

Here we go! Takizawa with a slight lead. In the red zone! NO! Matsuda slips! He's out! 27.09 for Takizawa and NOTHING for Ryo Matsuda.

Masato is still in the lead! I smell a fix!

6th Pair: Seiya and Oh..Seiya has a job on NHK and Toshihiro Nobuyama with One Direction background music.

Hrm. They are leaving Gaku Sano and Wataru Mori for last maybe?

Dochi da!

Go! Both are quick up! Nobuyama in the lead! In the red zone! Nobuyama gets sparkles! Seiya behind him. 17.90 for Nobuyama! Our first sub-20!

But now it's time for two past champions in Gaku Sano and Wataru Mori, who had a VERY vocal fan in the audience. Oh wait. That's his wife.

7th Pair: Gaku Sano and Wataru Mori. I missed Seiya's time but he's not in the running so whatever. Did I miss a pair?

17.90 is the time to beat.

They're they go! Mori is behind. Sano is blazing up the Fence. Sano is done! Mori is well behind. 16.83 for Sano. And 21.13 for Mori! Which is enough for third.

2nd Event: Hard Jumper!

This is new.

1st Group: Imai, Masato, Iketani, Yokohama

Timing and stamina needed here!

Not much to say as they are just jumping. Masato is out! At only 28! Others are still going strong. Past 50 now. Imai is out at 56. The oldest versus the youngest now. Iketani visibly struggling. And he's out! At 85. Yokohama wins group 1!

2nd Group: Sawa, Mori, Onuki, Nagase

Here they go! Going into 20. All are past Masato (not that it matters). Going into 50. Everyone still alive! Nagase is out! Past 70. Past 80. Going into 90. Mori struggling. Sawa looks cool. Past a hundred. 125. Onuki struggling. And he's out! At 141! Mori is skipping at this point. Sawa still going strong. And that's...wait. I'm confused. Whoops. Sawa screwed up. Mori is in!

3rd Group: Takizawa, Sekiguchi, Miyagi, Matsuda

Takizawa is out early! Others are still going. Fast forward to 60. Matsuda is out! Miyagi and Sekiguchi left. Almost at a hundred. Miyagi is out!

4th Group: Robin, Nobuyama, Sano, Seiya

They're off!

All still around at 30. Seiya seems to be losing the timing though. Dangerous. Into 50. Nobuyama is out first! He stepped on the hurdle. Seiya is out! He was losing it! Robin and Sando left. Sano trips! It's Robin!

Championship group: Sekiguchi, Yokohama, Mori, Robin

The hurdles are slightly sped up, I believe.

Whoa, that seems a bit fast.

Yokohama looks like he doesn't have the timing. But it's Robin out first! Mandy seems to have it in control. Almost at 90. Yokohama is out! Down to Sekiguchi and Mori! Iketani cheers on Mori! Past 120. Who will it be? NO! Mori can't do it anymore! Sekiguchi is the winner!

Mandy moves up to 4th. Mori is now in 1st. Sano and Robin follow. Nobuyama tied for 4th.

3rd Event: Monster Box

Oh hey, Maggie is there.

Iketani versus the new stars! I'm assuming they mean Mori and Sano and not just everyone else.

13 boxes: Iketani looking smug.

Easy jump for him.

Mori next. Sano is the first show off. How great would it have been if he failed?

Mandy has no problem. Wonder why they are showing all this. Ah. Setting up Iketani versus the whippersnappers.


Back. Still at 13.

Robin is a darkhorse. He's through as is Yokohama.

Masato up next. He did the Monster Box back in '02. He could just do 13 back then.  And he does it now!

15 boxes. Same height as that rare beast in the wild, a telephone booth.

Imai is out here! And Miyagi is out too! No more Terrace House!

Yokohama up next. He just gets it! Legend Masato up next. He's through!

16 boxes. 13 left.

I wonder if Iketani is subtly mocking the others with his shuffle. Anyway, he's through. Mori has some thoughts about that. Iketani gives the nod of "yeah, you did that."

An out of control looking jump still gets Sano through.

MANDY SEKIGUCHI TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF FOR EXTRA POWER! But we'll know the result only after these commercials.

Back. His shirt is still off.

It works!

Still at 16. Onuki up next. He's through! He thinks he can get up to 18.

Yokohama THSOFEP. And it doesn't work! He's out!

Masato is up next. AND HE THSOFEP.  Once one person unleashes his abs everyone else just follows.


Hmmm...I think his butt grazed the edge.  Yep. You can see the white move a bit. He's out!

17 boxes barely fits in your house.

11 are left.

Iketani's children cheer him on. No problem!

Sano up next. Too early for him to THSOFEP. Lots of air with lots of extracurriculars after.

By the way, past champs get stars on their jerseys. Mandy's is somewhere as his shirt is still of but he gained no extra power.

A bunch of others clear 17. Do or die for Mandy.

17 boxes. 2nd Try.

Seiya THSOFEP. Nobuyama and Onuki did too but it only worked for Seiya.

Here he goes. Did he do it?

Let's go to the slo-mo! Yes! The fix is in!

Giri giri!

8 are left!

18 is taller than a bald old man in a public bath.

18 boxes.

Iketani is up first to show 'em how it's done.  He gets a clap going. That's new. What's with that weird shuffle. I'm pretty sure he's trolling people.

Mori next. He's through!

Sano up. No! That get's a maji from Wataru.

Mandy up next. 18 is his personal best. Can he top it tonight? NO! Not enough speed on his run. He's relying on his arms a lot once he gets up.

Robin next. Still has his shirt on. Yes! It was kind of ugly but whatever gets you over. He's topped his personal best.

Nagase was our first run into the box guy. Seiya failed too. As did someone else.

18 boxes. 2nd try.

Sano THSOFEP because it's do or die for him. No problem! Clearly the wind on your nipples increases your ability to Monster Box.

Mandy up next. He's in 4th so he needs a good showing here. Gosh darn he gets paused a lot.



NO! He's out! He'll end his day at 17.

Nagase, Matsuda and Seiya are all out.

19 is quite high.

Iketani is up first. He's through! Sha!

Pressure on all the others now.

Wataru Mori is up next. At 31 he's one of the show's elder statesmen. Yes!

Wow, Iketani's abunai was right. He had to re-angle his head at the end to clear.

Sano next. Two are already through. And that's three!

More than enough air on that one. Tons of pressure on Robin.

Robin is in third now. A win or tie would put him in 2nd. AND HE DRIVES HIS CROTCH INTO THE MONSTER BOX.

19 boxes. 2nd Try.

Only Robin. And he THSOFEP. Of course. Call me when someone doffs their shorts. NO! He's done!

Down to the same three as last time.

Iketani! Mori! Sano!

20 boxes is bigger than a small helicopter.

20 boxes.

Iketani first. But first, some commercials.


Legend versus Shinsedai! Where have we heard that before?

Whoa! Warning light time! Let's go to the replay!

No! His legendary butt (and then his legendary back for good measure) graze the box!

Mori next. NO!

Iketani with a slightly snarky sounding doushita?

That's two who'll have to try one more time.

Sano up next. Will he be the first to do it?

Warning light! Looks like the inside of his leg grazed the box. It was just his shorts! He gets it!

20 boxes. 2nd try.

Whoa Iketani hasn't lost a Monster Box competition in 15 years? Is that right?

Iketani THSOFEP between jumps. He's serious! Legendarily serious!

Freeze frame!

Let's look inside the Prado YOU could win tonight!

Back to Iketani's 2nd try. NO! Legendarily impossible!

Of course Mori THSOFEP. He NEEDS to.

In a diss to Sano. Iketani says that if he's going to lose, he wants to lose to Mori.

Handshake of respect and disrespect! To Mori and Sano respectively.


Iketani is disappointed.

Iketani moves up to 5th. Mori is still in the lead!

From here, the bottom eight go bye-bye.

4th Event. Pulls Drive!

1st Pair: Sano and Nobuyama. Nobuyama goes for THS..and Sano does it too. You know what they did.

Sano is in 2nd. Go! Time is important, of course. Sano behind. Nobuyama in the lead. Sano struggling. 34.09 for Nobuyama! Sano still going. But he times up! You have two minutes!

Nobuyama is first after two.

2nd Pair: Nagase and Sawa. Sawa gets a 102.95. Nagase times out.

3rd Pair: Matsuda and Yokohama both time out.

Seiya was able to do it but he got digested. Oh wait. Did he?

4th Pair: Robin and Iketani. Nobuyama still in the lead. Robin with a slight lead. But both are moving. Both are close! Iketani almost there! 58.01 for him! Robin needs a bit more! Almost there! Past a minute! Almost there! Just did! 128.02! Iketani now in 2nd!

6th Pair (we'll just say Seiya was in the 5th): It's a Terrace House explosion! Imai and Miyagi.

Both moving along fine so far. They are two of the bulkier contestants. Most are slim models. Past forty seconds for both. Iketani looks safe in 2nd. Past a minute. Miyagi almost there. Miyagi gets 119.69. Imai is struggling.  NO! Imai times out.

Miyagi is in 4th.

7th Pair: Onuki and Masato. This is something that Masato should probably excel at.  Just in case, he THSOFEP. Why even put it on, man? Why even put it on?


Masato's car is rolling along nicely. Almost there already! He's done! Onuki still going. And he's done! 36.22 for Masato. Onuki with 45.65! Nobuyama still in the lead! Iketani now 5th!

Nobuyama used his whole body. Masato relied mainly on his arms.

8th Pair: Mori and Sekiguchi. Mori THSOFEP. As does Mandy. This is SERIOUS.

GENERATIONS, Mandy's bandmates are there.


Mandy working that chain fast and furious. Mandy clearly in the lead. Almost on Nobuyama's time. Mandy is done! I don't think he beat Nobuyama though. Mori not done yet. NO! He times out. So close! 40.06 for Mandy!

Your winner is Nobuyama!

Mori still in the lead. Nobuyama now in 2nd with Mandy in 3rd.

5th Event. Power Wall.

The bottom eight are gone.

1st Round

1st Match-Up: Mori versus Onuki. Mori is in the lead but he needs to at least get to the 2nd round to be safely in the top three. They've THSOFEP. Go!! Onuki with an early lead. Mori fighting back. Onuki with a big push! That's it! Onuki, who had the height and weight advantage just got that momentum.

2nd Match-Up: Sekiguchi versus Iketani. Should be a foregone conclusion, sorry Iketani. Sekiguchi with a big size advantage. Sekiguchi is a two time Power Wall winner. Iketani puts up a fight but it was Mandy all the way.

3rd Match-Up: Sano versus Robin. Sano in 4th right now. He gets a better match-up than Mori or Iketani. Shirts go aflying. Sano with a slight lead. Robin has a slight size advantage. But it's not as pronounced as the other match-ups. If Sano loses here, he's probably out. Robin with a big lead but Sano is fighting back! Sano not giving up! Almost even again. Robin with a slight lead if he holds on. And that's it!

4th Match-Up: Masato versus Nobuyama. IS MASAT...oh. I thought he was going for his shorts. Nobuyama with an early lead. Masato fighting back. He's got the momentum going. That's it!

2nd Round

1st Match-Up: EXILE PRIDE versus Onuki. It'd be better for Mori if Mandy won (yeah, I'm biased). Start! At a stand-still!



Sekiguchi with a slight lead now. Onuki looks...scary, actually. Like he'll pop a vein in his head or something. Mandy with the lead. Onuki looks cray cray and finally Sekiguchi puts him away! Onuki could only hold Mandy off for a bit.

2nd Match-Up: Robin versus Foregone Conclusion. Need I say that shirts have been doffed? Masato with a slight lead. Masato with the big push. And that's it!

It's on like Donkey Kong. Masato versus Mandy!

Power Wall Final

Mandy Sekiguchi versus Masato.

The giant head still does nothing. At least make flames shoot out of it's nostrils or something.

Mandy with a slight lead as both men drive themselves into the wall.

But commercials first.


Mandy with a slight lead. Masato fighting back. Back even. Mandy with some momentum. Still mainly even. Mandy with more of a lead. EXILE POWER! Masato fights back! Still Mandy with the lead though. Now Masato with the lead! Less than ten seconds. It's MASATO!

Power Wall winner: Masato!

So who will be the final three? Did Masato do enough with his win to make up the points? Mandy will probably be first because he reached the final.

Final Event: Shotgun Touch

Mandy Sekiguchi is in the lead! Then Masato and finally Wataru Mori rounds out our final three.

Mori has to go the furthest to make up the points.


Mandy needs this to keep his lead.

No problem!


Masato to try to take over. Here he goes. Yes? No? Slo-mo? Shingi no lamp! Looks close! Yes! He's in the lead by five.


Mori tries to take the lead from Masato who took the lead from Mandy who was the leader. Yes! He's up over Masato by ten now.


Mandy gets it to retake the lead.


Masato will try to regain the lead. It's basically the first person to miss is out at this point. Masato is currently in third. NO! Not even close! It's down to Mori!

Masato will finish at third!

Mori gets 11m00cm to take the lead!


If Mandy misses, it's Mori's title.


He has a 25 point lead now.


Mori to try to retake the lead. Mori's best is 11m30cm. Can he top his personal best?

Here he goes.


YES! We keep going! Or maybe not. The warning lamp is on.

YES! He just got a finger on it! He has a five point lead.

Pressure is on Mandy.


To retake the lead. Or give the title to Mori. Which will it be?

J.Geils called. He said freeze frame!

Commercials as Mandy takes his leap.


Here he goes.

YES! Wait! The lamp is on! First angle is not clear. Second is! Yes! Thirty-five point lead for Mandy.


This is serious. 12 and over is pretty darn hard.

Mori will either be one or two after this. And he gets a freeze frame too!



NO! Warning lamp. Didn't look close. It wasn't!

That's it! Mandy Sekiguchi is our first repeat (and two-time) Sports Danshi Grand Prix champion!

Mr. Spodan!

Mandy Sekiguchi is number one. Mori two. Masato three.

Till next time!

Friday, July 04, 2014


No. 2901 内藤大助 Daisuke Naito 1st Stage Jump Hang (Navi)
No. 2902 菅谷哲也 Tetsuya Sugaya 1st Stage Niren Soritatsu Kabe (1st Wall)
No. 2903 鳥澤克秀 Katsuhide Torisawa 1st Stage Hedgehog
No. 2904 西村 卓 Takashi Nakamura 1st Stage
No. 2905 池田顕斗 Kento Ikeda 1st Stage
No. 2906 菊川靖博 Yasuhiro Kikukawa 1st Stage
No. 2907 池谷秀喜 Hideki Iketani 1st Stage
No. 2908 鈴木吉之 Yoshiyuki Suzuki 1st Stage
No. 2909 檜物 量 Ryou Hinokimono 1st Stage
No. 2910 深沼 開 Haruki Fukanuma 1st Stage 
No. 2911 オラキオ Orakio 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2912 料理研究家 寺田真二郎 Shinjiro Terada 1st Stage
No. 2913 大西由真 Yuma Oonishi 1st Stage
No. 2914 森澤教有 Noritomo Morisawa 2nd Stage (Retired - 1st Stage Clear shown during Darvish SP)
No. 2915 板谷友弘 Tomohiro Itaya 1st Stage
No. 2916 成田童夢 Doumo Narita 1st Stage Hedgehog
No. 2917 脇 雅美 Masami Waki 1st Stage Hedgehog
No. 2918 清宮裕太 Yuuta Kiyomiya 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2919 田中晴輝 Seiki Tanaka 1st Stage Long Jump
No. 2920 釜石龍馬 Ryuuma Kamaishi 1st Stage
No. 2921 尾野透雅 Yukimasa Ono 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2922 やすこ Yasuko 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2923 井田洋人 Hiroto Ida 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2924 遠藤清一 Seichi Endo 1st Stage Hedgehog (Navi)
No. 2925 垣迫三夫 Mitsuo Kakisako 1st Stage
No. 2926 Little Tiger 1st Stage Log Grip (Navi)
No. 2927 佐々木陽子 Youko Sasaki 1st Stage
No. 2928 大西由希子 Yukiko Oonishi 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2929 RENA 1st Stage Log Grip (Navi)
No. 2930 eMY 1st Stage 
No. 2931 松原慎治 Shinji Matsubara 1st Stage Tarzan Rope
No. 2932 山本浩茂 Hiroshige Yamamoto 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2933 渡辺陽介 Yousuke Watanabe    
No. 2934 欠場     
No. 2935 電気店勤務 日置将士 Masashi Hioki 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2936 葉隠長門 Hagakure Nagato 1st Stage 
No. 2937 尾登滉一 Kouichi Oto 1st Stage
No. 2938 永野智哉 Tomoya Nagano 1st Stage Jump Hang (Darvish SP)
No. 2939 松原勝大 Katsuo Matsubara 1st Stage
No. 2940 松尾信宏 Nobuhiro Matsuo 1st Stage
No. 2941 大倉士門 Shimon Ookura 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2942 横浜流星 Ryusei Yokohama 1st Stage Hedgehog (Navi)
No. 2943 鈴木祐輔 Yuusuke Suzuki 1st Stage Niren Soritatsu Kabe 2nd Wall
No. 2944 村山卓也 Takuya Murayama 1st Stage
No. 2945 権藤博幸 Hiroyuki Gondou 1st Stage
No. 2946 橋本祐樹 Yuuki Hashimoto 1st Stage
No. 2947 岡田行正 Yukimasa Okada 1st Stage
No. 2948 永瀬 匡 Tasuku Nagase 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2949 山本涼介 Ryusuke Yamamoto 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2950 石井勇太 Yuuta Ishii 1st Stage
No. 2951 飯島豊久 Toyohisa Iijima
No. 2952 石丸謙二郎 Kenjirou Ishimaru 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2953 渡邊美香 Mika Watanabe 1st Stage Hedgehog
No. 2954 澤山瑠奈 Rina Sawayama 1st Stage Log Grip
No. 2955 欠場
No. 2956 花井瑠美 Rumi Hanai 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2957 セレズーニョーワ・アントニーナ Antonina Seleznyova 1st Stage 
No. 2958 川浦あすか Asuka Kawaura 1st Stage Hedgehog
No. 2959 小山田卓馬 Takuma Oyamada 1st Stage
No. 2960 天野ジョージ Joji Amano 1st Stage Niren Soritatsu Kabe 2nd Wall
No. 2961 内山麿我 Maroka Uchiyama 1st Stage
No. 2962  陸上自衛隊員 河野神樹 Kodama Kono 1st Stage Long Jump
No. 2963 今村大祐 Daisuke Imamura 1st Stage
No. 2964 割谷泰三 Taizo Wariya 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2965 洪 恭芹 Kung Cheen-Howng 2nd Stage Cross Slider
No. 2966 廖 龍隼 Liao Long Zhun 1st Stage
No. 2967 川口朋広 Tomohiro Kawaguchi Final Stage
No. 2968 上遠野裕也 Yuuya Kadono 2nd Stage Backstream
No. 2969 星川大我 Taiga Hoshikawa 2nd Stage Wall Lifting 3rd Wall
No. 2970 片伯部浩正 Hiromasa Katakabe 2nd Stage Backstream 
No. 297高見俊治 Toshiharu Takami 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2972 守上大輔 Daisuke Morikami 2nd Stage Wall Lifting 1st Wall
No. 2973 岸本真弥 Shinya Kishimoto 3rd Stage Vertical Limit
No. 2974 石川輝一 Terukazu Ishikawa 2nd Stage
No. 2975 加藤僚馬 Ryouma Katou 1st Stage
No. 2976 松尾陽介 Yousuke Matsuo 1st Stage
No. 2977 前田 竜 Ryu Maeda 1st Stage
No. 2978 ケイン安齋 Kane Anzai 1st Stage Time Up (Darvish SP)
No. 2979 樽美酒研二 Kenji Darvish 1st Stage Lumberjack Climb
No. 2980 竹田敏浩 Toshihiro Takeda 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2981 なかやまきんに君 Kinnikun Nakayama 2nd Stage Cross Slider
No. 2982 ワッキー Wakky 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2983 金子陽祐 Yousuke Kaneko 1st Stage
No. 2984 染谷幸喜 Koki Someya 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2985 山口康輔 Kosuke Yamaguchi 1st Stage
No. 2986 長崎峻侑 Shunsuke Nagasaki 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2987 欠場
No. 2988 武 尊 Takeru 1st Stage Hedgehog (Navi)
No. 2989 中野大輔 Daisuke Nakano 1st Stage
No. 2990 リー・エンチ Lee Enchi 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2991 ドリュー・ドレッシェル Drew Dreschel 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2992 山本進悟 Shingo Yamamoto 2nd Stage Back Stream
No. 2993 漆原裕治 Yuuji Urushihara 2nd Stage Wall Lifting 1st Wall
No. 2994 又地 諒 Ryo Matachi Final Stage
No. 2995 高橋賢次 Kenji Takahashi 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 2996 菅野仁志 Hitoshi Kanno 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2997 白鳥文平 Bunpei Shiratori 1st Stage Jump Hang
No. 2998 朝 一眞 Kazuma Asa 3rd Stage Crazy Cliff Hanger
No. 2999 長野 誠 Makoto Nagano 2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder
No. 3000 森本裕介 Yuusuke Morimoto 2nd Stage Wall Lifting 2nd Wall

1st Stage Clears: 27
2nd Stage Clears: 9
3rd Stage Clears: 2
Final Stage Clears: 0
Last Man Standing: Ryo Matachi
Furthest geinojin: Wakky (2nd Stage Swap Salmon Ladder)
Furthest female: Rumi Hanai (1st Stage Jump Hang)

Thursday, July 03, 2014


Welcome back!

It's time for SASUKE 30! A nice round number, true but it has been 17 years since the first show. Back then this was the biggest song in Japan:

Also! Toshiro Mifune died. The Osaka Dome was built. Princess Mononoke was released. PRIDE had it's first show. Basically, lots of stuff.

If you are reading this in real time, the hashtag is #sasuke_tbs and you can listen to the producers and others talk about the show here: http://sp.live.nicovideo.jp/watch/lv184087505

Sorry, I'm a bit distracted. Chatting and watching things at the same time.

Here we go!

1st Stage! 105 Seconds to clear.

Let's start with No. 2902 菅谷哲也 Tetsuya Sugaya. He's past the Long Jump! Log Grip coming up. YES! Hedgehog next. Slow but surely! Does he have enough time? Jump Hang (Kai) next. Yes! Itta! Less than 30 seconds left though. Now he's IN the net. Wasting way too much time. Timer going red. He just gets to the 1st Wall as the time goes!

Up next is No. 2903 鳥澤克秀 Katsuhide Torisawa! He blows himself up by doing some weightlifting! But he gets the Long Jump! Still needs to catch his breath though. Log Grip next. He's through! Will he collapse before he even reaches the Hedgehog? Well he reached it but he couldn't get past it!

Next is No. 2011 オラキオ Orakio! Long Jump. He's a comedian! Yes! I think he was gymnast? Or is that just his schtick? Log Grip. Yes! Will he clear the Hedgehog? Yes! But not the Jump Hang Kai!

Let us relive his fail!

We skip ahead to No. 2916 成田童夢 Doumo Narita! He was/is a snowboarder. Long Jump is no problem! Log Grip too! BUT NOT THE HEDGEHOG!

We see No. 2917 脇 雅美 Masami Waki  fail the Hedgehog and No. 2918 清宮裕太 Yuuta Kiyomiya fail the Jumpg Hang and TV Guide guy No. 2919 田中晴輝 Seiki Tanaka fail the Long Jump.

No. 2921 尾野透雅 Yukimasa Ono is the Hibari Kid One who fails the Log Grip! As does No. 2922 やすこ Yasuko! And the third (No. 2923 井田洋人 Hiroto Ida) fails the Long Jump! Hibari is disappointed.

We're all the way up to the Yamada Gundan! Last time! They all failed! But they are back! 

No. 2928 大西由希子 Yukiko Oonishi falls on the Log Grip!
No. 2931 松原慎治 Shinji Matsubara is the first of the Yamada Gundan! He gets the Long Jump! Log Grip up next! Looking good so far. One minute left as he reaches the 1st Wall. And he gets it! And the 2nd is no problem! Tarzan Rope but we go to commercial!


Does he have enough time? Tarzan Rope. But..he hurt his leg? Something happened? Oooh. He clipped the water. 

No. 2932 山本浩茂 Koshige Yamamoto is the next Black Tiger! (Sorry, I skipped over something). Log Grip is no problem. Sega! Hedgehog as they keep showing Yamada yelling at people. Jump Hang! He makes the jump! Up to the 1st Wall. Yes! 2nd Wall coming up. Yes! Lots of time but we also have lots of time for commercials!

Back! Tarzan Rope coming up! Lots of time left, it seems! Keeps his feet out of the water! Lumberjack Climb! And he does it with 18.42 left! Something Yamada hasn't been able to do in years! Tears all around! Indy hug!

No. 2935 日置将士 Masashi Hioki and family are up! And the nico nico boys are all for him! Long Jump straight into commercials!

Back. All the way up to the Jump Hang already! Chatting and tweeting and doing too many things right now! Up the 1st Wall with no problem! And here he comes to the 2nd! Yes! But does he have enough time? Under 30 seconds left. Nico nico guys are unconcerned! Time is going to go red soon. But he's almost there! And yes! With 5.7 left! 

No. 2941 大倉士門 Shimon Ookura is next! He gets the Long Jump! Log Grip coming up. But he clips the water!

No. 2943 鈴木祐輔 Yuusuke Suzuki is next! He has school kids cheering him on! That's never a good sign! But he's all the way through to the Jump Hang! Moving well so far. About fifty seconds left as he gets to the 1st wall. Yes! 2nd Wall. NO! And again! Time is going red! That's it!

See? Never bring kids! Hrmm...one of those students looks a bit different.

Bunpei sighting!

No. 2948 永瀬 匡 Tasuku Nagase! Is from Kamen Rider! Which one I don't know. Long Jump and Log Grip are no problem! Neither is the Hedgehog! Jump Hang coming up. NO! Kantan oshiteshimatta!

No. 2949 山本涼介 Ryusuke Yamamoto is an actor! He's slim! Long Jump is no problem! Log Grip is OK! Hedgehog coming up. What's next! Jump Hang. NO! He does the flip into the water!

Hatsuta in the house!

50 have gone! 3 have cleared!

No. 2951 飯島豊久 Toyohisa Iijima is back! He claps to the crowd! And makes the Long Jump! Log Grip coming up. He gives a Bruce Lee whoop! And he's through! Hedghog....NO! Achoooo! Thanks for coming!

No. 2952 石丸謙二郎 Kenjirou Ishimaru is up next and let us be respectful! He's 60! Long Jump. YES! He could probably run circles around me. Log Grip! Jump Hang! I'd probably have a heart attack by now. NO! He touched the water! 

No. 2953 渡邊美香 Mika Watanabe fails the Hedgehog!

No. 2954 澤山瑠奈 Rina Sawayama fails the Log Grip! The women get their own music!

No. 2956 花井瑠美 Rumi Hanai fails the Jump Hang! 

No. 2958 川浦あすか Asuka Kawaura fails the Hedgehog!

No. 2960 天野ジョージ Joji Amano is back! But he fails the Wall!

No. 2962 河野神樹 Kodama Kono fights for right to party! But he catches his leg on the water on the Long Jump! 

No. 2964 割谷泰三 Taizo Wariya is an old school tough guy! But he fails the Jump Hang!

No. 2965 英語教師 洪 恭芹 Kung Cheen-Howng! CLEARS WITH two seconds! But he was mostly digested. Darn.

No. 29 67 川口朋広 Tomohiro Kawaguchi is back! Let's see his father, who looks like he's out of some old timey movie in a box on the screen! Woot. He is blazing through the course! Lots of time as he reaches the Tarzan Rope. 21.5 left! No problem! Kakkoii!

We only see them on the screen but it sure looked like 

No. 2968 上遠野裕也 Yuuya Kadono
No. 2969 星川大我 Taiga Hoshikawa
No. 2970 片伯部浩正 Hiromasa Katakabe 
No. 297高見俊治 Toshiharu Takami
No. 2972 守上大輔 Daisuke Morikami
No. 2973 岸本真弥 Shinya Kishimoto
No. 2974 石川輝一 Terukazu Ishikawa all cleared! But I'm not sure!

No. 2979 樽美酒研二 Kenji Darvish gets a lot of screen time! He's through the Long Jump and Log Grip! Jump Hang coming up. YES! Has some trouble though. Needs to pick up the pace. Or not! 1st Wall. YES! He's tall! Next wall. NO! One more try. YES! He's going to have to hurry though. At the Lumberjack Climb...time is going red! And he falls! Well, that was well worth all that time spent!

The All-Stars are coming up next! 

No. 2980 竹田敏浩 Toshihiro Takeda got digested! We come back and he already cleared!

No. 2981 なかやまきんに君 Kinnikun Nakayama too!

No. 2982 ワッキー Wakky actually gets TV time! At the Hedgehog! Clear! Jump Hang. YES! A bit behind. Be nice to hit the wall at one minute. But he's past the 1st! And then the 2nd! Tarzan Rope coming up! Yes! Lumberjack Climb. Lots of time left! YES! 15 have cleared!

No. 2984 染谷幸喜 Koki Someya, No. 2986 長崎峻侑 Shunsuke Nagasaki and No. 2990 リー・エンチ Lee Enchi are all through!

No. 2991 Drew Dreschel was the winner of the ASEAN Cup! He gets some majorly dramatic music! Long Jump standing up! Log Grip. Hedgehog. Jump Hang! 1st Wall! 2nd Wall! All no problem! Lots of time left! Kantan! 28.9 left!

No. 2992 山本進悟 Shingo Yamamoto is through! 

No. 2993 漆原裕治 Yuuji Urushihara is too!

No. 2994 又地 諒 Ryo Matachi. Was sick! But he's better now! Long Jump. Log Grip. Hedgehog. Yes! Yes! Yes! Lots of time left. 1st Wall coming up. Yes! 2nd Wall. Yup! Tarzan Rope. Going up! Yes! 33.91 left! Is that the record for today? His mom is happy! 

No. 2995 高橋賢次 Kenji Takahashi is also through! With 23.96! And he goes nuts!

No. 2996 菅野仁志 Hitoshi Kanno is through! Wifey and baby are glad!

No. 2997 白鳥文平 Bunpei Shiratori! Is back! Let's look at his history! Long Jump and Log Grip are fine! Hedgehog. He's taking it slow. But he's through! Jump Hang coming up. Nervous. And NO! He didn't get the jump! He slipped on the jump. Masaka no retire!

Three are left!

No. 2998 朝 一眞 Kazuma Asa wanted to win the ASEAN Cup! But he didn't! And now he's back for revenge! For the girl! Or something like that. Commercials.

Back. Long Jump and Log Grip are no problem. Jump Hang. Lots of time left. 1st Wall on the first try! 2nd Wall is no problem either! Lots of time! Tarzan Rope! Lumberjack Climb! 35.55! He's through! Fastest time of the night! Tears are shed!

No. 2999 長野 誠 Makoto Nagano! Is up next! He's not had a good time of it as of late. He doesn't want to look bad in front of his son! Here he goes! Long Jump and Log Grip are no problem! Neither is the Hedgehog! Jump Hagng! No problem! Lots of time. 1st Wall! Yes! 2nd Wall coming up. YES! Can he do it? Tarzan Rope! Lots of time! YES! 12.89!

No. 3000 森本裕介 Yuusuke Morimoto is last! Can he live up to being the 1st new 100 in several years? Sasuke-kun! Commercials while I play the Data game.


Long Jump and Log Grip! Yes and yes. Hedgehog! Is no problem. Jump Hang.YES! He goes right (forgot all about that!). Lots of time left. 1st Wall. 2nd Wall coming up. YES! Almost didn't get it! Tarzan Rope. Yes! Lumberjack Climb next. Lots of time! YES! 11.16! And that's the 1st Stage!

Let's go to the studio!

Note: 2914 cleared but he was not able to compete after that!

2nd Stage

Let's take a look at the stage! Shingo tells the other All-Stars how it's done! Takeda and Nagano share their thoughts. Drew says don't make a mistake! Good advice.

26 have cleared! How about now?

2932. Koshige Yamamoto is first up! Step Salmon Ladder. Seems to be going OK. Or not! He missed a rung! And he's stuck! And that's it! You can't go back down.

110 to clear by the way.

2935. Hioki Masashi is up next! Cross Slider. Going well so far during the Salmon Ladder. Unstable Bridge. Yes! Spider Walk! Spider Drop! He's through both! Backstream coming up. Doing well so far! Yes! I think he has it! 30 kg! 40 kg...Time is going red. 50...2.0 left! Giri giri da! He brings Yuuji to tears.

1 of 2!

2965. Kung Cheen-Howng! Fails the Cross Slider! NO! He let go too early. Damn.

2967. Tomohiro Kawaguchi is up next! Lets look at old timey dad again. Going well so far on the Salmon Ladder. And he's past the Spider part! Backstream up next. Walls are not proving as much of a problem for him. YES! That's two!

Drama up next!

2968. Yuuya Kadono fails the Backstream! 2969. Taiga Hoshikawa fails the walls! 2970. Hiromasa Katakabe fails the Backstream. 2971. Toshiharu Takami the salmon ladder and 2972. Daisuke Morikami times out at the first Wall!

2973. Shiny Kishimoto clears! 

2980. Is Toshihiro Takeda! Cross Slider is OK! Swap Salmon Ladder. NO! He missed! He's out!

2981. Nakayama Kinnikun fails the Cross Slider!

2982. Wakky! Is our last true non-regular joe, I believe. Swap Salmon Ladder. And...He can't hold on!

2984. Koki Someya is out on the first rung of the Swap Salmon Ladder!

2985. Shunsuke Nagasaki is quietly into the 3rd Stage! As is Li! With only a second left!

2991. Drew Dreschel! But first, a word from our sponsors.


Drew on the Swap Salmon Ladder. No problems so far! Up to the Unstable Bridge. Yes! Spider Walk. Spider Drop coming up. Whoa! Almost lost it. But he's through! Back Stream. Almost. Yes! 20 seconds left. Walls should be no problem! And they aren't! And he's through! Extra Jin!

2992. Is Shingo Yamamoto! The Chickens are Revolting! OK so far. Salmon Ladder was no problem. Spider Walk. Spider Drop! OK! Back Stream up next. NO! He didn't take a breath before he went in!

2993. Yuuji Urushihara! He stopped at the Backstream last time. OK so far on the Salmon Ladder. Unstable Bridge. Spider Walk up next. Spider Drop. Needs to hurry if his swimming hasn't improved. Ready. He's in. Here he goes. No problem this time! Needs to hurry though. 1st Wall. Uh oh. NO. Hurry! NO!

2994. Ryo Matachi is up next! He's been doing swimming along with rehab. No problems so far! (Sorry, I was playing the data game). Back Stream next. Yes! Lots of time. 30 seconds seems safe. Under the 1st wall. Under the 2nd. Needs to hurry. YES!

2995. Kenji Takahashi! Kong Express! Cross Slider. Swap Salmon Ladder. NO! He missed and he's out! Wow. That's a big one.

2996. Look at dem guns! It's Hitoshi Kanno. Let's catch up on his life. Swap Salmon Ladder coming up. Going good so far. Unstable Bridge next. Spider Walk. Spider Drop. Back Stream next. No strategy here. He just powers through. Or not! Needs to hurry. He's spent! But he's through!

Commercials before Asa's run.


No major problems. Hopefully he doesn't rush simply to get the best time. 1st Wall. 2nd drops on his leg but he's through to the 3rd. That's it! 10.00 left exactly! Fastest time!

2999. Makoto Nagano! Here he goes! Swap Salmon Ladder. NO! And he misses a rung! That's his night! Mottainai!

3000. Yusuke Morimoto is last up! He goes really high during his Salmon Ladder jumps to make sure he clears. Smart. Speeds through the Spider Walk! Back Stream next. No problems. Coming up to the walls. But let's see some commercials first.

Back. 1st Wall. Needs to hurry. 2nd Wall coming up but the time is going red. Needs to hurry. OUCH! He didn't get it in time! His parents are disappointed. Hitoshi is surprised. Makoto Nagano understands.

3rd Stage

No time limit. Let's take a look at the Stage.

Protip: There's like 90 minutes left in the show.

Let's take a look at the home life of one Masashi Hioki.

Finally, nine are left!

2935. Masashi Hioki up first. Rumbling Dice is no problem! Iron Paddler is no problem! Drum Hopper is new! Let's see how it's supposed to be done. Ooooooh. Oh damn. That looks hard. He goes the first one. And almost slips! Uh oh! But let's take a break first.


Haha. He has great facial expressions. One more set! YES! The first to try is the first to clear! Crazy Cliff Hanger coming up.

1st Ledge. 2nd Ledge. 3rd coming up. Time to jump. NO! Tears are shed.

2967. Tomohiro Kawaguchi is next. Let's take a look at his SASUKE history and olde timey dad. Rumbling Dice is no problem. Iron Paddler is no problm either! Drum Hopper. Whoa! Almost missed on that one. Need to be careful. And he's through! 



Crazy Cliff Hanger. 1st Ledge. 2nd. 3rd. At the jump. YES! He's got it! Vertical Limit next. Does he have anything left in the tank? Almost there. YES! He's to the Pipe Slider! One more to go! He's on the Green Bar of Safety. Here he goes. At the jump. Swing. Swing. YES! HE'S THROUGH! 

Hey, let's look at Shinya Kishimoto lifting a moped.

2973. Shinya Kishimoto is up next! Rumbling Dice. Yes! Struggling a bit on the Iron Paddler. But he's through! No problem with the Drum Hopper though. Crazy Cliff Hanger up next. 

Chubby Gang!

Crazy Cliff Hanger. 1st. 2nd. 3rd. Jump. YES! Vertical Limit next. Here he goes..NO! His left hand slipped off. No tears here though.

2986. Shunsuke Nagasaki gets digested. Because he fails the Crazy Cliff Hanger! Damn.

2990. As does Lee En Chi!

2991. But what about Drew Dreschel? NO!

2994. Ryo Matachi is next. Let's check out Arashida's place! He really should charge.

Rumbling Dice. No problem. After Ryo, only Asa and Hitoshi are left. Still lots of show time to go. Iron Paddler is no problem! Drum Hopper up next. No problem! Crazy Cliff Hanger. 1st. 2nd. 3rd. Jump. Yes! Vertical Limit next. Almost there. Needs to get to the Green Bar of Safety. YES! He's there! "Only" the Pipe Slider left. Here he goes...but let's sell some stuff first!


Pipe Slider. At the jump. Swing. Swing. Swing. YES!

Hitoshi Kanno is next up. Can he join Kawaguchi and Matachi?

2996. Hitoshi Kanno. Rumbling Dice is no problem. Iron Paddler next. And he's through! Drum Hopper up. Yes! This is where he failed last time. Crazy Cliff Hanger up. Will it be revenge time? Here he goes but...time for a break!


At the jump. NO!

Huh? That's weird...voice over narrator sounds different.

Does Asa have his own voice over guy?

2998. Our last man to go! Kazuma Asa! Rumbling Dice and Iron Paddler are no problem. Now on the Drum Hopper. And he's through! He's been stopped at the next one though.

Crazy Cliff Hanger next. He pumps himself up.

1st. Commercial Break.

1st. 2nd. 3rd. Jump next. Here he goes. NO! Boy, Shingo REALLY likes laughing at other people.

Back to the studio as Asa has a mental breakdown.

Final Stage. 30 seconds. 24 meters. Spider Climb 12 m. Rope Climb 12 m. 

Woot. Kawaguchi and Matachi are going all Shield on us.

Kawaguchi up first. Here he goes! Not much time and he's not going up very well. Time is already going red as he reaches the rope. NO! Old Timey Dad is not disappointed.

Commercial break before Ryo's try really gets started.

Back. Here we go! Much faster than Kawaguchi! Could this be it? Slowing down a bit. He's got the rope! Time is going red though! He's not quite there! NO!!! Kuso!!!

Asa cries for Ryo! And that's the show!