Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Major announcement about new attraction at Muscle Park!

Odaiba - Muscle Park and Monster 9 have announced plans to open a new section starting April 1, 2010 focused around one of their biggest stars, Katsumi Yamada, known to fans as Mr. SASUKE.

"We're proud to unveil the newest addition to Muscle Park, MR. SASUKE PARK!" said Monster 9 president Ushio Higuchi to a crowd of senior citizens and small children in the food court of the Odaiba complex Muscle Park is located in.

When asked by a passerby what in the world he was talking about, Higuchi explained: "My staff, which includes me, my cat Cliffy and my dog Ropesy have been feverishly designing a way for fans of SASUKE to get the full Mr. SASUKE experience!" He then began showing a possibly comatose old woman scribblings made on a napkin.

Included were designs for a dirty pool of water for Park guests to fall into, a small table with a cutting board, onions and a kitchen knife all situated in front of a microphone and camera to serve as a Mr. SASUKE interview simulator as well as photo galleries, one about SASUKE and one about Yamada's various part-time jobs.

Artist's interpretation of Mr. SASUKE Park photo galleries

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Also to be included are guessing games based on things like how many part-time jobs Yamada has held over the years. "I almost had all 732 but then I missed those months he spent cleaning monkey cages and something about 'pole-dancing' that I'm kind of glad to not know about," stated one Monster 9 staff.

Winners of games will receive cases of SASUKE Spray and a new product especially made for Mr. SASUKE Park, SASUKE Brand Tissues.

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When asked about the new attraction, Yamada seemed enthusiastic, asking "Do you think I could get a job there?"

Barack Obama: Ninja Warrior!

And now...
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President Barack Hussein Obama!*
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we can!
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Yes, we ca...uhh...
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No, we can't?
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*Or Japanese comedian Nocchi (who has been, I'd like to note to non-Japanese TV watchers, doing this schtick for months so it was absolutely no surprise to anyone in the Japanese audience).




If you think there is some kind of political message here or to be had, you are a moron. Oh, and I can't believe I didn't make an economy joke during the liveblog.

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