Sunday, October 08, 2017

SASUKE 34 SASUKE 2017秋 Liveblog!

Hey! We're back! Sorry, I wasn't at home the night of the last KUNOICHI and I never went back and blogged it. If anyone wants me to, I can go back and do it one day. And also, I got lazy and only tweeted the latest Battle of the Super Boyz Sports Danshi. The storified version of that is somewhere on the interwebs.

Let's start the 20th Anniversary of SASUKE with the Cyber Japan Dancers!

1st Stage

1. Karen. 123 seconds to clear. Quadsteps first. Slowly. And she actuall...oh wait. She hit the Rolling Hill and that was it. Takeru is a little too happy about that.

2. Takumi Ishida is a comedian!  Quad Steps. Into the Rolling Hill. Which is repainted. And he gets it! Tie Fighter. And he doesn't even get going! Hayai! Hey, they want you to watch the Niconico thing too while you are at it.


Oh hey. The actual opening.

Makoto Nagano is in the booth!

DDT pro wrestler Yuki Ueno is 6! He gets blur as his music. Through the steps and hill. And he loses it on the other side! Whoops!

13. Takihiro Takaiwa! Has a scary moment on the Hill! Slowly down the other side. He is an SDF member. Tie Fighter. None have cleared yet. And he's through! Red and blue color scheme this year. Fishbone. And he gets it! Double Pendulum..and he whiffs the jump!

16. Mikimasa Okamoto! Fight! Hey, check that drink for steroids. Slowly down the hill. Tie Fighter. Yes! Lots of time left. Fishbone! NO! He misses right at the end. Mottainai!

17. Masashi Matsumura! Slight problem going up the Rolling Hill but he's through! Other side. Tie Fighter. Yes! Fishbone. Yes! His wife claps! Double Pendulum. NO! He missed the bar!

18, 20, 21, 22 all hit the water!

26 have tried! None have passed!

27. Keiya Oishi! Will he be the first? No! Edit fakeout! He fails the Hill!

Up to 34. Minami Ono! Hey, while I was chatting he's already up the Tackle! Could he be our first? Soritatsu Kabe. First to make it (shown anyway). First try. No! One more try. YES! He gets it! But let's hit some CMs first.


Yes! He gets it! But does he have enough time? Needs to hurry. Lumber Jack climb. Yes! 9:48 left!

The regulars are impressed!

38. Shogo Ugajin is clear too! And 40. Fujimatsu.

44. Hikaru Iwamoto is a Johnny's guy. Last time he failed way too quickly. For pride! He must do better. Slowly down the other side of the Hill. Tie Fighter as Tsukada cheers him on from the sidelines. And he gets it! Fishbone next. Getting ready. And no! Majikayo!

Hioki is up next. Doushita Iwamoto!

44 have tried! 3 have cleared!

45. Masashi Hioki! Is blazing through the first few obstacles! Tie Fighter already. Fishbone. And he zooms through it! Double Pendulum. Swing. One more. And he gets it! Tackle up next. Kazuma Asa cheers him on. And he's through! Soritatsu Kabe coming up. Getting his breath. First try! Lots of time left! Tarzan Rope. It CAN be failed. But not here! Lumberjack Climb! And he's through! That's four!

46. Seiki Takasui! He is the heir to Nagano...jobwise! But he can also succeed him in SASUKE? He was a surprise clear last time. Already up to the Tie Fighter as I blathered. Fishbone. And he gets it! Double Pendulum as Nagano cheers him on. And he gets it! Kakato! Tackle is no problem. Soritatsu Kabe. He can take his time. Yes! He used his height to help him. Lots of time. And he's through! Notice me sempai!

Uh Oh. Black Tiger time! Has Katsumi Yamada improved his training methods?

47. Hiroshige Yamamoto! Has had the most success of the Black Tigers. Rolling Hill. He has THSOFEP. Fishbone as Yamada's box on the side covers him clearing. Tackle. Lots of time. Soritatsu Kabe. Gets it! And he's clear with no problem!

48. Watanabe up. Fast forward to the Fishbone and he gets the timing wrong! Everyone explains to Yamada what he had wrong.

49. Ooops. Missed his name. Tie Fighter. And he's through! Fishbone. And he gets it! Double Pendulum. He gets the bar! And he's through! Could there be two Black Tigers clearing? Tackle. Soritatsu Kabe next. And he gets it! And he's got it! That's two!

Yamada cries tears of happiness. And I...feel for him. Well, more for his boyz than for him (old habits die hard).

Whoa. Did we just jump to 68? Well, no one else has cleared.

68. Daisuke Matsuda! Is not on the A-Team! But he has build a butt-load of SASUKE obstacles. He even built a Fishbone. Crazy. Slowly down the hill. We skipped all the females. There is his daughter though, who obviously failed at 53. CMs.


And no! His timing was off and he failed on the last step!

Mada yowai!

74. Keitaro Yamamoto clears! Dion Trigg from the UK fails! Some fail! 80 clears! That's 9!

81. Takeru! KOd some dude! Slowly down the hill. Tie Fighter! And he gets it! A little trouble on the Fishbone but he gets it! Double Pendulum. And he's through! Darvish cheers him on. Tackle. Hioki tells him that he has time. Gets the Soritatsu Kabe on the second try! Lumberjack Climb. Makes sure he doesn't clip the water. And he's through! We're into double digits!

83. It's Kong Express time! He didn't do well the last two shows. Will this be his revenge? Already up to the Tie Fighter while I was tweeting. Social media people. Gotta promote the brand. Fishbone time. Yes! Double Pendulum. He gets it! Tackle is no problem! Soritatsu Kabe. Gets set. No rush. No! One more try. Yes! Whoa! He landed on the edge of the platform. But he's through!

I think he might be happy. Not sure though.

That's 11!

84. Yuusuke Suzuki is through! 86. Nakagawa is through! New dad Wataru Mori up soon.

86 have tried! 13 have cleared!

87. Jessie Graff is up for her SASUKE debut! And she is doing well! Trying to get a read on the Fishbone. And she's through! Double Pendulum. And she's through! Tackle. Kawaguchi running along with her. And she's got a lot of time! Soritatsu Kabe next. And she gets it! There's Drew. Everyone goes nuts for that! Tarzan Rope and Tarzan Climb left. Lots of time left! YES! She does it!

Well, she made it look easy.

87 have tried! 14 have cleared!

88. Ryoichi Tsukada is a Johnny's guy! He has cleared before! Up to the Tie Fighter. He has to follow Jessie's run which is probably making him nervous. Through the Fishbone! Double Pendulum. Swings. And he gets it! Tackle. Hioki cheers him on. Kabe next. Gets it! Lots of time. Just needs to be careful. Lumberjack Climb to finish. And he gets it!

That's fifteen!

89. Darvish Kenji coming up. Whoa. He went maybe a bit too fast on the Quad Steps. But CMs first.


And he had a scare on the Rolling Hill. Slowly down  the other side. Tie Fighter. Fishbone. And he's through! Double Pendulum. And get it! Through the Tackle. Kabe. Gets it! Tarzan Rope. Lumberjack Climb. He failed this before. But he gets it this time! And he's through! That's 16!

Wataru Mori is up next but let's talk to Darvish first.

90. Wataru Mori is up next! But CMs first.

NO! He tried to do the Quad Steps the old way and missed the last one! Whoops.


Moving on.

Flashback! SASUKE All-Stars.

91. Toshihiro Takeda! He finally cleared the 1st Stage after a few fails. After Mori he is a bit more careful on the Steps. Rolling Hill. Slowly. And through! Tie Fighter next. Yes! Fishbone. YES! Nagano (who gave him the slap) runs along with him. Double Pendulum. And he's through! Tackle. He has a lot of time! Soritatsu Kabe up. And he one hands it! Nagano is happy! Ike ike! Shingo tries to let it not get to him. Tarzan Rope. Lumberjack Climb. YES! That's 17! He gets a hug from Nagano!

92. Shingo Yamamoto! Takeda is through! Can Shingo join him? Rolling Hill. Tie Fighter up next. YES! He's 43 years old by the way! Thanks announcer. And he zooms through the Fishbone. Double Pen...nooooooooooooo! He missed it!

His wife is nonplussed.

93. Anastase is through! 94. Matachi is not! 95. Nagasaki is through! So is 96. Sato! And 97. Drew! That's a lot!

98. Tomohiro Kawaguchi up next! 21 have cleared! Quickly through the steps. Slowly down the Hill. Tie Fighter. Fishbone. And he gets it! Morimoto is happy! Double Pendulum. He gets it! Tackle. And he has a lot of time! Can take his time on the Kabe. Getting set. And he gets it! Kazuma Asa cheers him on (he's out with an injury). Tarzan Rope. A lot of time. And Kawauchi is through! That's 22!

99. Yuuji Urushihara is up next. And he's decided that if he doesn't clear the 1st Stage this time around...he will retire. Wow, no pressure there.

Here we go. He does the risky jump from the Hill. Tie Fighter. Fishbone next. Tons of people on the side watching along. And he gets it! Double Pendulum. He's failed this before! He gets it! Tackle next. Struggling. This generally tires him out too much for the Kabe. Soritatsu Kabe. Getting ready. Only one shot. And he gets it! Crazy, like the entire clear group is there with him. Go! Tarzan Rope. Lumberjack Climb. YES! He gets it! No retirement yet.

And one left!

100. Yusuke Morimoto! He is the newest SASUKE champion. He has grown up with the show and we have watched him develop into a champion. Already up to the Fishbone. Getting set for the Double Pendulum. And he gets it! Tackle. Lots of time left. Maybe one shot to be safe. And he does it! This is sort of anti-climatic after Yuuji's run but it's not Yusuke's fault. And he's through! That's 24!

2nd Stage.

Ono up first. Having trouble with the Salmon Ladder. Even if he clears...whoops! There he went!

38 fails the Backstream (don't worry he didn't drown)! 40 fails the Salmon Ladder!

45. Masashi Hioki up next! Through the Ring Slider. Salmon Ladder. Zipping through! On the down. And through! Spider Walk. Spider Drop. Backstream. And he is through! Lots of time! Reverse Conveyer but let's hit some CMs first.

Back. Through the Reverse Conveyer! Wall Time! And he's through! That's one!

Takasui next. Already on the down part of the Salmon Ladder. Nagano very vocal in the bo...NO! He lost his grip. He's done!

Yamada's Boyz up next.

Yamamoto times up right as he makes it to the button! No!

Obata up next. Can he keep the Black Tigers alive? Ii tempo. Salmon Ladder. Kudari time. And he gets it! Spider Walk. Spider Drop up. And through! Backstream coming up. Good pace. And he's through. Reverse Conveyer. And he zooms through! Can he do it? 1st. 2nd. 3rd. AND HE DOES IT!

Yamamoto and Igarashi can't get it done! And neither can Takeru! Or Takahashi! Only 2 have survived!

Yuusuke Suzuki has reached the 3rd Stage before but failed the 1st last time. Can he go back? Through the Salmon Ladder. Spider Walk. Spider Drop. Backstream time. And he's through, of course! He was a lifeguard. Reverse Conveyer. And is through! Does he have enough time? Going red. Needs to hurry. And he gets it with 2 seconds left!

13 have tried! 3 have cleared! Nakagawa just failed!

Jessie Graff up next! And through the Ring Slider. Salmon Ladder. She shocks all the guy with her quick Salmon Ladder. And through! Spider Walk. Spider Drop. And through! Backstream. CMs first.


She's through the Backstream and Reverse Conveyer! Time going red! And she's through!

She's more happy than tired!

Tsukuda next. Salmon Ladder next. This is where he's struggled before. On the Kudari. Whoops. Uneven. And he slips when he tries to adjust!

Darvish Kenji up next. 15 have tried! 4 have cleared!

Here he goes. Through the Ring Slider. Salmon Ladder. Kudari now. And he is..whoa! He almost whiffed the landing. Spider Walk. Slowly. Losing time here. Spider Drop. Backstream next. Needs to hurry. CMs.


Backstream. Not much time left. Nagano says Ikeruyo! I don't know about that. Time already going red. And no! He times up on the Reverse Conveyer.

He seems upset.

16 have tried! 4 have cleared!

Toshihiro Takeda next. And he's through the Ring Slider. Salmon Ladder. Good going up. NO! Uneven. Never a good thing. But he saves one! Barely hanging on. NO!

Anastase is clear! But Nagasaki fails the Spider Walk. Sato clears and so does Drew! That's 7!

Kawaguchi up next. Someone in the crowd is very loud. Scary moment on the Spider Walk but he's through! Backstream up next. And he's through! Reverse Conveyer. Wall. 1st. 2nd. Time going red. 3rd and he's through!

Urushihara getting ready to go. He's practiced swimming with Suzuki so hopefully he can do the Backstream this time. Salmon Ladder. On the Kudari. And through! Spider Walk as Morimoto tells him to be careful. And through. The moment of truth. Backstream time. Much better this time! May need to hurry though. Reverse Conveyer coming up. He's tired! Time is going red! He keeps going . And he gets out just as the time runs out! NO!

Only one person left. Yuusuke Morimoto! But first, some commercials.

Ring Slide is no problem. And through the Salmon Ladder. Already up to the Backstream. And no problem! Reverse Conveyer next. 1st. 2nd. 3rd! And he's through!

Let's go back to the booth as multiple time Olympic medalist Saori Yoshida joins the talking heads.

3rd Stage

9 out of a 100!

Masashi Hioki is first. Drum Hopper. Clear! Flying Bar next. Hioki has never don...OMG, he THSOFEP! Err..He's never done this before. He built a set at home for some foreshadowing. And he's through! Sidewinder. He communicates with the wife on the sideline. And he gets to the last one! And he's through! Cliff Hanger next. Cho kitsui!

At the first jump...NO!

Obata up next. He has already THSOFEP so I don't have high hopes. Through the Drum Hopper though. Flying Bar. And hits the first. And gets the next! And hits the first Sidewinder...pole. And hits the next! Chotto kurushii. Next. NO! He can't grab it! Yamada is sad. Obviously.

SASUKE Sensei Yuusuke Suzuki! Already up to the Flying Bar. He failed here before. And he gets it! Lots of screen time for Jessie.

Sidewinder. NO!

Jessie Graff up next! And she's through the Drum Hopper as one of the comedians chants USA! USA! Flying Bar. 1. 2. 3! And she's through. Sidewinder time. And she gets it! And she holds on only with her legs as she shakes out her arms. She is tall. And gets the next one. One more to go. And through! Cliff Hanger time.

Drew shouts out some advice. Here she goes. At the jump. NO!

She would love to come back!

Whoops! Did I miss someone? Jun Sato fails the Cliff Hanger! Oh! It was Anastase. He failed the Cliff Hanger.

We join Drew at the Sidewinder.

At the Crazy Cliffhanger already. And Drew makes the jump! At the moving part. NO!

Tomohiro Kawaguchi is next. Through the Drum Hopper! Morimoto is on the sideline having THSOFEP for some strange reason.

Flying Bar. And into the Sidewinder! And the next. Going at really fast pace. Maybe to conserve energy? Already at the Cliff Hanger. Several people agree that he can ikeru. But can he? CMs first.


Sorry, this is the Ultra Crazy Cliff Hanger. At the jump. And he gets it! At the moving part. NO!

So now, it is up to Yuusuke Morimoto. Can he bring us to the Final?

Fist bumps!

Morimoto is so serious he has THSOFEP. Drum Hopper cleared! Flying Bar. He failed here last time. CMs first.


Flying Bar revenge time! And he gets the first one! And next one! Onto the Sidewinder! Makes the second. Third! One more to go. And he gets it!

Ultra Crazy Cliff Hanger up next. At the jump. And he gets it! At the moving part. But CMs.

Back. Look at the smile on his face as he's doing the UCCH.

Moving part. And he gets it! Haha! He holds on to the moving part with one hand to chalk his hands before going for the Vertical Limit. Here he goes. NO! He was about halfway through before he couldn't hold on anymore. Tsuyoi!

He's the last man standing and the person to have gone the furthest on the current course. Let's hope everyone has another chance!