Friday, January 08, 2010

Four winning lottery tickets in Ube

Update: Sorry, four not two tickets.

The residents of Ube have been trying to figure out who exactly they have to rob/rip-ff/schmooze/mooch off of ever since it was revealed that four of the winning tickets for the Year-End Lottery (年末ジャンボ宝くじ) were sold at the 宇部琴芝チャンスセンター (Ube Kotoshiba Chance Center, specifically the one next to Izutsuya in the middle of town). One ticket is worth 3億円 (300 million yen), one 2億円 (200 million yen) and two are worth 5千万 (50 million yen) . As of yet, no one has come forward to claim their prize. The same center also sold a winning ticket ten years ago which means you should go somewhere else for your tickets until 2019.

Youtube video thanks to user Mone5706:

FNN News article and video

Mainichi Story

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Sportsman No. 1 Special Sort of Live Blog! 栄光のスポーツマン№1決定戦スペシャル

Tonight! Instead of the yearly Pro Sportsman No. 1 competition we will witness a Monster Box competition of monster proportions!

And also, we will see lots of old clips from Sportsman No. 1 and other shows! Matsui! Jordan! Matsuzaka!

Balloon Buster! Woot!

Michael Jordan! That must be old since he's still wearing Bulls sweats.

Let's look at a long list of tonight's Monster Box participants!

Let's cue some music from The Hunt for Red October!

We'll start with Hideki Matsui. Stats! Lots of homeruns! He'll be doing the Spray Hitter tonight. Or well, actually, this was nine years ago.

Here he goes.

1! He has 11 hits left. Oh wait, he was aiming for number 5. And this time he aims and gets it! Two down. He's going for a BINGO. And he's got it! 1, 5, 9 for those keeping score at home.

Wait, can he hit the Kongo-kun or not?

He was aiming for 3 but hit 6. Hey, whatever works. Double reach!

He calls 4 and gets it! His teammates are amazed! Ah, this was the year he was Japan League MVP. He calls 7 and gets it too! Wow. No miss! He's already made 50 man.

He's going for 2-3. And he gets both! That's awesome. Only one left and he has five more hits remaining. His teammate is dancing with the giant check!

Only Number 8 left. OK, he can't hit Kongo-kun. No! First miss. He blames the pitcher.

One more chance. NO! Just high to the right. Still three more hits left. NO! Right over the bar! Kore ha kuyashii!

And again! Uh oh. Only one chance left. Here he goes.

But first, let's hit a commercial.


One panel...and one hit left! He was running wild before that.

Here we go...NO! Way off. He has to settle for ONLY a few hundred thousand yen.

Back to the present. It's Japan League home run leader Sadaharu Oh! Oh wait, he has 868 home runs. He's the WORLD home run leader. Let's look at him twelve years ago trying the Struck Out game. That's three! 6 more pitches left. And that's it. Once you have no chance for a perfect you are finished.

It's Shigeo Nagashima. Mr. Pro Baseball. Yeah yeah. Again this was twelve years ago. Considering his health problems it would be amazing if he were doing it now. He's doing the Struck Out too.

He calls 5 but can't! 5 again..and he gets 4 and 7! He goes for 5 again. Dirtball! 9 pitches left. He gets 7! 8 pitches and 6 numbers. Calls 5-6 but gets 2-3! This is just like me playing the PS2 game. You call and aim but take what you get. I guess he'll keep aiming for 5..because this time he gets 8! Three more left. He has six pitches. Next! And the next one too!

Calls a 5-6 (he actually can't get both) and gets 6! Two more left. Three pitches. But let's hit some commercials.

Back. Let's recap.

3 pitches. 2 boards. NO! Pressure time. NO! And that's it! Thanks for playing!

The 50 meter backflip! K, can't catch their names right now. Sorry. Nobody famous so far as I can tell.

Oh hey! It's the Iketani brothers. Yukio in gray. Naoki in red. Naoki wins! He had a time of 10'74.

More stuff coming up later!

But first...MONSTER BOX!

Makoto Nagano! Leszek Blanik!

What's your goal? I hope so record 24! Daisuke Miyazaki! Junichi Miyashita! Wakky! He keeps his own record.

Hey, it's Gon Nakayama being taught how to do the Monster Box by a young Naoki Iketani.

11 boxes. Oh, we're watching his run? Oh, these are notable 11s from the past? Oh god, I'm so confused.

Masaki Nomura is up! How many chances do they get? He's clear!

Yoshiaki Kamemura! Plays baseball! And gets it!

Yukio Iketani hotdogs. A boxer...OUCH! And that's it for him. Only one chance I guess.

Makoto Nagano! He has potential! He just got a backslap from Takeda but we're taking a commercial first.

Back. Here he goes! And he carries his short legs over!

And now it's the saikyou shoubousha! Toshihiro Takeda! Yes!

Muscle Musical member Ooyama Hirokazu hotdogs it!

Blank..WHOA. What was that? He just kind of floated in the air for a bit. You will believe a man can fly!

Naoki Iketani...totally hot dogs it.

Let's look at famous 12s in Monster Box history.

Back to the present. A member of Shinsengumi Rien Sakakibara is up and over! Junichi Miyashita...NO! He hit his butt on the back. Oh well.

Let's look at famous 13s! But let's also go to a commercial.

Another Shinsengumi Rien member and another. And another.

Kouchi Kairi! He plays handball. Hahahahaha. He used only one hand. Daisuke laughs.

14 boxes.

Masaki Nomura is back! Yes!

Makoto Nagano is back! Yes!

Hey! It's Shingo Yamamoto. Here he goes! He does the Mosnter Box shuffle...and that's it! He hit his arms, legs and pretty much every part of his body on the box.

Takeda is next! After these commercials.

Yes! Baseball player Tanaka is up! And he's got it! Yamaguchi Jun of Shinsengumi Rien is through! Miura Riki is out!

Alright, they are now jumping over the equivalent of a phone booth.

Let's look at some past 15s. I wonder if they have booze on that table in the back.

15! Masaki Nomura is up first! He's 57. But first...

Back! Here he goes...NO! He couldn't get his left leg up! His record today is 14.

Nagano! NO! He mistimed his jump? Hahaha. You can see his expression in the slow-mo.

Shingo is a dick and points out to Takeda that he's the All-Stars last hope again.

Takeda...yes! And he's all smiles!

Chiro! Yes! Texas Takeda is up! Yes! With room to spare. He was in the Jietai?

Naoki problem. God, he's cocky.

Let's go back to nine years ago as Nagashima and Oh take on the Spray Hitter!

Nagashima will set for Oh.

1st pitch. No! Calls 5. Yes! Next! NO! That was his last chance! And he finishes with a grand total of one.

To make sure that he keeps his record he will pitch around Nagashima during his turn.

Nagashima sure chokes up on the bat. 8! He calls 5 (again). But gets 4! Lots of old baseball faces I don't know.

Next! Hajimete shippai! Good wood pitch. 5! He's still on track.

Yes! One BINGO! He's going to have to go for a double panel to get a perfect. KONGO! Extra pitch! Oh wait, he didn't get a BINGO yet. Next pitch..and the next. NO and NO! One more...NO! He finishes with four.

Junichi Ishida! 8 years ago he did the Balloon Shooter! Here he goes..he calls 8. But gets 6! He calls 8 again..but hits 9! He changes tact..he goes for 7 and gets..2! Calls! First miss! Calls 7 again...but no!

Next...7! Five shots and five balloons. Last chance in theory..NO! He'll finish with 4.

Next up..she hits three! But only one counts. Next..she gets 2! She calls 7...and gets 4! Calling 7...and her first miss! Ouch. Right between! 7 and 7. She pick up 9! Still safe.

One more...calls 8...and goes between! Last chance. NO! Wide right! Wide right! And so she ends with 4! And Ishida is a dick about it.

News time!

And back..

And after their appearance together..he called her up. And went to her house?

Let's look at some past Sportsman..

Wow...Carl Lewis versus Muraboshi? Yikes. In the Power Force! And that's it!

Let's look at Masami Kawaguchi (American football) versus a Giants player. Go! Struggle..Baseball guy got off better and is closer. Kiyohara. Kawaguchi is on his feet..and that's it for him!

Let's look at some Gallon Throw...hey, it's Asashoryu. Yes!

Whither though Bob Sapp? Here he is a few years ago though..Yes!

8m25cm. That's the "World" record! Koji going for it! Can he do it? He is the rare hammer throw guy who hasn't gotten caught doing steroids. UHAH!!!!!!!!! YES!

Let's go to some commercials before seeing more Bob Sapp.

Back! Bob Sapp versus Kotoshuu in a Tug of War! This was from 2006. As it conveniently says in the back. Go! Bob Sapp!

Spin-Off! Asashoryu! Versus! Kotoshuu! Start! It's on Asa's side..and he loses it!

Back to the Monster Box. We are at 16.

Some..guy..does it! Mike Cameron! He shuffles and..does it! And Gon..Hey! Kane!

Back to the present as a pompous ass (Yukio Iketani) talks.

It's Kazuyuki Toda! Yes! They have two chances from now on by the way. Toshihiro Takeda is up next! After these words from our sponsors.


Here he goes...Yes! He's all smiles! Kanzenseiha kanji!

Takehiro Ishikawa! Yes!

Blanik! And...he mistimed it! He went up..but DROVE HIS FACE INTO THE TOP. Whoops, they are still at one and out. And he's out.

Yukio pontificates.

Let's look at past 17s.

More Gon.

OK. NOW they get two tries.

And it's Yukio Iketani...NO! And Naoki..probably wants to laugh as he sees his brother hit his butt on the box.

Next up is Toshihiro know the drill.

Back..YES! First try! Screw you Yukio! Everyone seems to be behind Takeda at this point.

Wakky! Yes! Matsuyuki Oracchio? He used to be a gymnast. Yes!

Actor Matsunaga...Yes!

2nd Try. Yukio Iketani..YES! Shave your pits man. Good-bye Toda, basketball guy. And...let's see the replay...ah..the classic two touches. Ishikawa is out!

18 boxes. Kenji Sakaguchi back in the day. But..CMs. We've got time to kill people.

And Gon...NO!

Back to the present. Yukio is up first. Run into the box! He doesn't have the stride down. Wakky wipes out! Takeda..NO! Daisuke Miyazaki! Mr. Handball! This is the first jump we're seeing. Yes!

Tomoki Kitagawa! Barely! His shirt clipped it but not the body!

Oyama..YES! Takai! Takai!

Let's see Gon's 2nd Try. Yes!

Back to the present..can Yukio Iketani do it?


Back..NO! And Yukio is finished for the night!

Wakky! NO! And that's it for Wakky! He can go higher but not tonight.

Toshihiro Takeda! His last chance! He's serious! NO! Osshi! And that's good night for the SASUKE All-Stars. But hey, they got those certificates.

Dangan Jockey's Matsuyuki...can he do it? Yes? Did he get enough of his body over? We're going to the replay...NO! Oh well.

Well, he's tied for the geinojin lead.

Akihito? Yamada! He plays rugby. Yes! That was his first shown jump by the way.

Let's go back seven years. More Balloon Shooter! I don't know who this is. Wait, he picked up two? I thought you couldn't do that? Sorry, he just got 5. I was obsessing over the flags in the back. We've moved out of the Kinniku Banzuke era. He has 4 balloons and 6 shots left! NO! And another miss! 4 and 4. NO!

Let's change sports! It's Maria Sharapova! She'll be doing the Service Ace today! This was five years ago. She calls 5 but gets 1! Calls 5. NO! Calls 6. NO! Calls 5..and gets 2! Calls 8..and gets it! Extra points in the video game! Calling 6..NO! Only six shots left. Can't miss now. Calls 5. Yes! Still alive. Calls 7. But picks up 4! Calls 6...still on the edge. NO! She misses with 5. Really, she didn't seem that invested in it. Matsuzaka! Back in 1999 he was the hot thing! His senpais put pressure on him. He calls 4. Whoops. He's doing the Struck Out by the way. Calls 5. Off the frame! His teammates have no faith. Uh oh. One more miss. He only nine pitches and all nine to go. Going for the middle. NO! Hahaha. Hahahahaha! His teammates are overjoyed that he was a perfect!

Two years later! He tries again! His teammates remind him about his zero. He hits the middle! Which doesn't count. 8! 4-7! WHOA! He gets 6-9! And he called that. 8 pitches and 4 boards left. Frame! Kaz Matsui! Calls 1..and gets it! Miss! Gets 2! Hahaha..his teammates flash the check! 2 to go with 4 pitches. NO! He hits 3! Two pitches to get a perfect. I love when they split the board in half. Here he goes. NO! Way off. Pressure time. One pitch left. Here he goes. NO! And he'll finish with 8!

Oh hey, it's Michael Jordan taking on the 9 Hoops. This was..13 years ago. Is that Charles Barkley? Yeah it is. He's got two! He has 8 shots left. One more! NO! He already hit that one. He has to go 6 for 6 now. He gets one! And one more! And one more! Did Barkley bet him money or something? And one more? And one more! He has one more to get a perfect! YES! He did it!

Whoa, 9 Hoops Hide? It's a different version. Let's go to ten years ago. And let's see if he can do it again? He missed one. But gets the next! And one more! And one more! Wow. And one more! Cool. Calls 3. Yes! Miss! Rim out! He has to go four for four. Gets one more. And one more. Yikes. Needs the last two. Gets the free throw! One more. He should just dunk it. CMs.

Back. One shot to go. It bounces around...but goes in! Wow.

More Struck Out. 11 years ago? He got 8 last time. Can he do it this time? 6! Calls 2-3. Kudo? NO! 4-7. Gets 1! 4-7 again. NO! 8 pitches left. 7! But the replay says 4-7! Calls 5 wait..8-9. Gets 5! 8-9. Gets 8! 5 pitches. 3 to go. Calls 2-3. Gets 3! His teammates bring out the check to psych him out. Next is a miss! Only three pitches left. Calling 9. NO! Frame! Only two pitches now. Calls 9. Yes! One more. They bring the check in closer. He calls 5! Needs 2. CMs.

Here we go. YES! He got it! And his teammates run away with the check!

Back to the present. 19! Shoei!

Ryo Shirai! We haven't seen him at all! But he's got it! He's repping the geinojin.

Miyazaki...YES! Not quite as high as Shirai. But whatever works. out! Yamada too! Rugby is out!

At 20. Four are left! Ryo Shirai is first! YES! Not the nicest of approaches but it works! JUST cleared.

It's his personal best!

Miyazaki! I forget his high. NO! Didn't have the timing.

Oyama! Here he goes. YES! I'm sorry I made a mistake with your name!

Iketani. YES! Lots of air!

Miyazaki..this is his last chance. But CMs first.

Back. Last try. NO! He didn't have it. No interview for you!

The pretenders are gone! It's 21!

Ryo Shirai up first. NO! He had a head of steam Oyama. YES! Lots of air. He is so fired from the Muscle Musical. Hahaha. Guts pose mid-air.

Iketani! No problem.

Shirai..NO! That's it. Thanks for playing!

22! Kane Kosugi! Is the Celebrity Monster Box record holder (Non-Iketani Division).

Only two are left.

Oyama up first. NO! His job is safe!

Iketani! But commercials to build the tension.

Back. No one is really automatic from the 20s on up by the way. Iketani. NO!


Last chances all around!

Oyama...YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Clear!

Iketani nods his head, wipes his pits and goes to get ready.

Oyama is feeling it.'s do or die time. Oyama prays for his job.

Can the youngster (Oyama) take out the wiley old veteran (Iketani).


Back. Iketani pumps himself up. Here he goes. YES! Wait. He doesn't look happy. Did he touch? We're going replay. Did he angle his body enough? Ah...his inner thigh touched. Ouch.

Let's see all the record jumps as King Kull music plays!

Light that track up! It's a world record attempt! I think Oyama is the first person to try since Iketani did it in 2006. Oh, and Tomoyuki unofficially did it once (but shhh..).

Oyama will never get cut or digested from SASUKE again!

Here he goes..YES! Wait. NO? No? Did he not get the angle? NO! His job is safe!

Only one try for the record. But he is tonight's winner!

Congratulations to Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和! He's the first guy to beat Naoki Iketani at the Monster Box in ages!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

SASUKE 2010 Competitor and Results List SASUKE 2010 出場選手

1. Nobuyuki Kishi 岸宣之 獅子舞師 (Lion Dance Instructor) 1st Stage Log Grip
2. Takashi Shiromizu 白水貴 消防団員 (Firefighter) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
3. Jun Itoda 井戸田潤 (Speed Wagon スピードワゴン) Comedian 1st Stage Log Grip
4. Kyoichi Oosawa 大澤京一 酒の卸売り業 (Alcohol Wholesaler) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
5. Mitsuo Nakatani 中谷充男 餅つき早打ち日本一 (Top Speed Mochi Maker) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
6. Tetsuya Nakamoto 中本哲也 (Tetsu and Tomo テツandトモ) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
7. Katsuhide Torisawa 鳥澤克秀 ウエートリフティング元日本代表 (Former Japan Weighlifting Representative) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
8. Noriaki Kinoshita 木下典明 アメリカンフットボール選手 American Football Player 1st Stage Log Grip
9. Ichiro Sugita 杉田一朗 空手家 (Karate player) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
10. Jimon Terakado 寺門ジモン (Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
11. Ryuhei Ueshima 上島竜兵 (Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
12. Jyunichi Onuma 大沼純一 漆塗り職人 (Lacquer Craftsman) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
13*. Yuuto Totani 戸谷勇斗 YOSAKOIソーラン敢闘賞受賞 (YOSAKOI Soran Courage Prize Winner) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
13*. Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭 (Audrey オードリー) Comedian 1st Stage Log Grip
14*. Gozealla Hisayama ゴジーラ久山 ものまね芸人 (Celebrity Impersonator) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
14*. Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰 (Audrey オードリー) Comedian 1st Stage Log Grip
15. Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Log Grip
16. Eiko Kano 狩野英孝 ミスターナルシスト (Mr. Narcissist) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
21. Yoshio Kojima 小島よしお Comedian 1st Stage Log Grip
22. Mitsuaki Tanaka 田中光明 '08全日本プッシュプルアプローラー優勝 ('08 All-Japan Push/Pull Roller Champion) 1st Stage Log Grip
23. Aichi Oono 大野愛地 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Jumping Spider
28. Youhei Uchino 内野洋平 プロBMXライダー Pro BMX Rider 1st Stage Jumping Spider
30. Genki Sudo 須藤元気 Former MMA Fighter 1st Stage Log Grip
31. Ryuusuke Itou 伊藤隆佑 TBSアナウンサー (TBS Announcer) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
34. Masami Harashima 原島雅美 ハンググライダー男 (Hang Glider Man) 1st Stage Jyunidan Tobi
35. Adamo-chan アダモちゃん (Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
40. Masahiro Inoue 井上正大 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Log Grip
41. Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦 Syndey Olympic Wrestling Silver Medalist 1st Stage Jumping Spider
43**. Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野 Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
44. Korikki Choshu 長州小力 Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
45. Hori ホリ ものまね芸人 (Celebrity Impersonator) 1st Stage Log Grip
47. Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広 運送業 (Delivery man) 2nd Stage Unstable Bridge
49. Takeshi Nadagi なだぎ武 1st Stage Log Grip
50. Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋 横浜ベイスターズ 内野手 (Yokohama Bay Stars Infielder) 1st Stage Log Grip
51. Kenjiro Ishimaru 石丸謙二郎 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Jumping Spider (Course Out)
55. Harumi Edo エド・はるみ Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
57. Rie Komiya 小宮理英 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Log Grip
62. Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦 史上初の完全制覇者 1st Person to Ever Complete SASUKE 1st Stage Soritatsu Kabe (Time Up)
63. Kazuma Sano 佐野和真 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Log Grip
64. Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 2nd Stage Metal Spin
72. Ryouji Higa 比嘉良二 マッスルパークスタフ (Muscle Park Staff) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥 運送業 (Delivery man) 3rd Stage Gliding Ring
75. Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 (Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアン) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
76. Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 (Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアン) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
78. Jun Sato 佐藤惇 高校3年生 (3rd year high school student) 2nd Stage Salmon Ladder
80. Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己 ミスターSASUKE (Mr. SASUKE) 1st Stage Soritatsu Kabe (Time Up)
81. Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸 '02 Japan World Cup Soccer Player 1st Stage Log Grip
82. Paul ANTHONY Terek ポール・A・テレック American Decathlete 1st Stage Slider Jump
84. Yuuij Washimi 鷲見裕二 自動車整備士 (Auto Mechanic) 2nd Stage Metal Spin
85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司 ジムインストラクター (Gym Instructor) Final Stage GRope
87. Monkickey モンキッキー (Akira Omori 大森晃) SASUKE 1, 2, 3 Finalist 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
88. Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史 '02 and '06 Japan World Cup Soccer Player 1st Stage Log Grip
89. Yukio Iketani 池谷幸雄 Barcelona Olympic Silver Medalist 1st Stage Log Grip
90. Naoki Iketani 池谷直樹 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Soritatsu Kabe (Time Up)
92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ Pro Rock Climber Final Stage GRope
93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治 靴の営業マン (Shoe Salesman) SASUKE 完全制覇
94. Kenji Takahashi 高橋賢次 運送業 (Delivery man) Final Stage GRope
95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 '91 World 200 Meters Japan Representative Final Stage GRope
96. Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟 SASUKE唯一の皆勤賞 (Only Man With Perfect SASUKE Attendance) 1st Stage Tarzan Rope (Time Up)
97. Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道 NHK第10代体操のお兄さん (10th NHK Exercise Oniisan) 2nd Stage Metal Spin
98. Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩 史上最強の消防士 (The Strongest Firefighter) 3rd Stage Spider Flip
99. Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志 前回大会ファイナリスト (Previous SASUKE Finalist) 1st Stage Tarzan Rope (Time Up)
100. Makoto Nagano 長野誠 史上最強の漁師 (The Strongest Fisherman) 1st Stage Jumping Spider

No numbers seen or given (in order of appearance):
Manabu Kishi 岸学 (Doki Doki Camp どきどききゃんぷ) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Yasuo Aoki 青木保夫 Creepy Sculpture Guy 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Minoru Kuramochi 倉持稔 世界のたこ店長 (The World's Octopus Manager) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Sachiyo Yamada 山田幸代 プロラクロス選手 (Pro Lacrosse Player) 1st Stage Log Grip
Simonetta Kovacs-Takizawa 滝沢コバーチ・シモネッタ 主婦 (Housewife) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Kazuhiro Oikawa 老川和宏 カステラ製造業 (Sponge Cake Maker) 1st Stage Log Grip
Yoshinori Suzuki 鈴木由則 郵便局員 (Post Office Worker) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Kuruo Hatoyama 鳩山来留夫 Yukio Hatoyama Impersonator 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Nocchi ノッチ (Dangerous デンジャラス) Comedian 1st Stage Log Grip
Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木 (Kyai~n キャイ〜ン) Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Keisuke Katou 加藤慶祐 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Log Grip
Hirohisa Okuda 奥田洋久 八百屋さん (Vegetable shop owner) 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Naoya Akita 秋田直也 鮮魚商 (Fresh fish dealer) 1st Stage X-Bridge
Shuichi Furusawa 吉澤秀一 いちご農家 (Strawberry farmer) 1st Stage Log Grip
Takeshi Uchida 内田岳志 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Log Grip
Hanawa はなわ Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Hosshan ほっしゃん Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗 Comedian 1st Stage Jyunidantobi
Kouhei Kato 加藤康平 1st Stage Log Grip
Kota Honma 本間晃汰 ジャグリング消防士 (Juggling Firefighter) 1st Stage Jumping Spider
Ya Takahashi 高橋矢 酔拳の使い手 (Drunken fist user) 1st Stage X-Bridge
Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Half-Pipe Attack
Masataka Kubota 窪田正孝 俳優 (Actor) 1st Stage Log Grip
Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光 マッスルミュージカル Muscle Musical 1st Stage Soritatsu Kabe (Time up)
Wakky ワッキー (Penalty ペナルティー) Comedian 1st Stage Half-Pipe Attack

* On-screen graphic gave the Audrey members 13 and 14 but the non-famous guys actually had those numbers.

** On-screen graphic gave 48 but his number says 43.

Friday, January 01, 2010

SASUKE 2010! The Sort of Live Blog! SASUKE2010元日! SASUKE 24!

SASUKE 2010! For the first time ever we are having a New Years Day broadcast! They've promised that something will happen tonight! Will an All-Star complete SASUKE? Will a New Star? Will it be a new face? Another new hero? Will Mr. SASUKE retire? We'll find out tonight!


In 2009! Two men made it to the Final Stage! Makoto Nagano! Hitoshi Kanno!

That brings us to today! SASUKE 2010!

Celebrities! All-Stars! New Stars! Medalists! They are all there for SASUKE!

Spin that logo!

YOU MUST SIGN IN FIRST! Takeda is walking! Akiyama is staring! Shingo is walking! Nagano is staring! Shingo and Takeda and Nagano are talking!

Everybody! Raise your hands! SASUKE!

1st Stage!

130 meters to the goal!

1. Nobuyuki Kishi 岸宣之! He's first! Steps. OK! New Area! X-Bridge! OK! Log Grip coming up. Drop..NO! That's it for him!

2. Takashi Shiromizu 白水貴. Steps...stuck..wait for it. That's it for him!

3. Jun Itoda of Speed Wagon 井戸田潤! Here he goes. Slowly. Steps.! X-Bridge is no problem. Log Grip. Drop. NO! Speed Wagooooooooooon!

4. Get your apron off man! Kyoichi Oosawa 大澤京一! Steps. OK! X-Bridge. Slipped at the end but he's OK! Log Grip...YES! Jumping Spider...NO!

5. Nakatani Mochi guy! Er..Mitsuo Nakatani 中谷充男!Hayai! Thanks for playing!

Oh jeez. Are Tetsu and Tomo going to do a whole song? Hurry up.

6. Tetsu (Of Tetsu and Tomo). Steps. Whoa...NO! Will he dance? I guess you can do it like that.

7. Katsuhide Torisawa 鳥澤克秀 RUNS INTO THE MONSTER BOX! But that was in the past. Today....NO! Torisawa! Ah. His foot slipped on the last step. Kuyashii ne!

9. No eight? Karateka Ichiro Sugita 杉田一朗 gets off to a bad start when he doesn't break all the plates. Then goes across the steps..slowly. It doesn't help!

10. Dachou Club! ダチョウ倶楽部! Oh jeez. Jimon Terakado 寺門ジモン! Steps! Jimooonnnnnnn!

11. Ryuhei Ueshima 上島竜兵. Don't expect much here. Aw jeez. More schtick. And more schtick. And he whiffs on the first step! OK, they'll do the water pump thing. That was special.

Noriaki Kinoshita 木下典明! He has no number. He plays American Football. He's number 1. That's his jersey number. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip..ochimashita! Ochimashita!

Audrey is up next!

13. Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭 of Audrey! Steps! Yes! Barely though. X-Bridge is no problem. Log Grip. Taking his time. Here he goes. And he's out at the drop! Oh my kamisama!

14. Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰 of Audrey! Here he goes. He does the slow step again..then speeds up! NO! Um. Yeah. Thanks guys.

15. Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美 of the Muscle Musical! Slowly. Steps! Yes! X-Bridge is no problem! Log Grip. NO! She lost it at the very end! Rie Komiya freaks out!

16. Mr. Narcissist Eiko Kano 狩野英孝 is next. In his white suit...that will inevitably get dirty. And there it is! Steps and that's all.

12. Jyunichi Onuma 大沼純一 fails the steps.

Yosakoi guy Yuuto Totani 戸谷勇斗fails the steps too.

A guy doing Tora-san (Gozealla Hisayama ゴジーラ久山) fails at the steps!

Manabu Kishi 岸学 of Dokidoki Camp fails the steps!

44. Choshu Korikki 長州小力 fails!

21. Kojima Yoshio 小島よしお! Does his schtick! Steps! X-Bridge! Log Grip coming up. He failed here before. He's not going to get it. And he doesn't! I'm a genius! He must be cold.

22. Push pull guy Mitsuaki Tanaka 田中光明! Steps. Wai...yes! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Hahaha. He blew up doing his intro. Log Grip! NO! Yarisugi!

23. Spinboy Aichi Ono 大野愛地 of the Muscle Musical. Steps! Yes! X-Bridge. OK! Log Grip. Can he do it? Gets set. Ye..YES! Jumping Spider. Set. Ready. GO! NO! Don't laugh Yukio Iketani.

28. Youhei Uchino 内野洋平! He's a pro BMX rider. Steps! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider. Can he be the first? NO! Awkward jump leads to an awkward landing. Yes! It's different from bike riding.

30. Genki Sudo 須藤元気! Pops and locks for our pleasure. Steps. Yes! Better than last time! X-Bridge! Log Grip. NO! He was almost there!

31. Ryuusuke Itou 伊藤隆佑! He's a TBS announcer! He was an announcer. I think he quit to become a football player. Steps. X-Bridge. I forget. Log Grip coming up. Wait. He's still an announcer. Log Grip! News 3! Jumping Spider! Whiiiiiiiiiiif! Itouuuuuuuuuu!

35. Adamo-chan アダモちゃん (Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎). Oh god. Steps and yeah, did you expect more than that? At least he didn't break his head on the steps.

40. Masahiro Inoue 井上正大! He is Kamen Rider Decade! Here he goes. Steps. X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. Take that stupid towel off. Log Grip. NO! He fell at the drop. And the fangirls are sad.

Let's see the Slider Jump!

Because Yauso Aoki 青木保夫 has made a model of it! To dream the impossible dream!

Here he goes. Steps. Or rather step.

34. Masami Harashima 原島雅美 hasn't taken off his stage pass. And it doesn't matter! The steps and that's all.

Minoru Kuromochi 倉持稔. Is..going..slowly...on..the steps. Oh jeez, we just saw more of the Takotencho than we ever needed to.

Sachiyo Yamada 山田幸代! She is a pro lacrosse player. And was on KUNOICHI! Steps. X-Bridge..NO! Wait. She's still alive! Yes! Log Grip. Crowd chant. No!

41. Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦! He is a silver medalist! Here he goes..but let's go to our first commercial break instead!



Steps! OK! X-Bridge. Log Grip. OK! Can he be the first? Jumping Spider. NO! He didn't get his hands up in time!

Housewife Simonetta Kovacs-Takizawa 滝沢コバーチ・シモネッタ fails the steps. Baker guy Kazuhiro Oikawa 老川和宏 goes on the Log Grip. Mailman Yoshinori Suzuki 鈴木由則 mails it in at the steps. Actor Kazuma Sano 佐野和真 meets his match on the Log Grip and Hori ホリ can't hack it on the Log Grip too.

47. STQER IN THE HOUSE! Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広! Steps. X-Bridge! Log Grip! He has the talent to do this! Go1 Jumping Spider is no problem! Half-Pipe Attack! Had to go back but he's through! Soritatsu Kabe! YES! ONE TIME! Slider Jump. Kiiroi gate! YES! YES! GO GO GO GO GO! On the net. Kawa-guchi! Jikan aruzou! Tarzan Jump! Rope Ladder! YES YES YES YES! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's one. His wife hasn't turned on the tears yet.

16.10 left according to the digital information!


48. Back to the suck with Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野. Gets! Steps and that's all the gets he's gonna get.

49. Dylan McKay Takeshi Nadagi なだぎ武! Steps. Yes! X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. At the drop! And that's it for him. He didn't bring an extra pair of pants.

50. Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋 of the Bay Stars! Steps. Whopos. BLAZES across the X-Bridge. Log Grip. Ishikawa Takehiroooooooooooo! Use your legs on the Log Grip, man. Use your legs.

Let's see those who are left! Soccer players. Brothers and All-Stars!

50 have tried! One has passed! One shall pass!

51. Kenjiro Ishimaru 石丸謙二郎! He's come so close in the past. Can he do it this time? Steps. But let's hit a commercial first.


Steps! OK! X-Bridge is no problem! Log Grip. Yes! That was weird the way it dropped just now. Jumping Spider. NO! Course Out! He missed his landing then landed in the area right in front of the trampoline. Darn.

55. Harumi Edo エド・はるみ! Let's go! Steps. Wait. Not yet. More schtick. First step! And out!

Oh please. Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美 got just as far as Komiya last time!

Rie Komiya 小宮理英 is next! Whoa! Almost didn't get through the steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Ha! Take that! Tomomi went further.

Kazuhiko Akiyama is up next! It's the Scorpions Mission!

61 have tried! One has passed!

62. Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦 and his crabs are ready! Steps. Slowly. X-Bridge. OK! Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider coming up. He's had trouble here. YES! Spider Walk! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Makes sure he doesn't fall on the blank ala Shingo. Soritatsu Kabe. First try. NO! NO! One more chance. NO! Argh. He's blown up. Time is going red. Argh. Time Up! Dammit. It felt good at the beginning. Whoa. He was really close to slipping on the Half-Pipe Attack. Those are some well-prepared eyebrows.

It's monomane time.

Kuruo Hatoyama 鳩山来留夫 is up first! Steps! Almost. NO!!!!!

Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Nocchi ノッチ as Obama is up next! Steps. Yes, we can! X-Bridge. Yes, we can! If the announcer is going to run the joke into the ground so will I. Log Grip. Yes! We can..not! At least the announcer learned how to do it this time. He screwed it up last time.

Veteran comedian Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木 is up next. But first a commercial or two.

Let's shill the keitai website. 315 yen a month!


Udo Suzuki...Steps. Slowly. Frankenstein monster-esque here. Um. OK. Yes! Fina...oh wait. He couldn't hold on.

Let's see that again.

Keisuke Katou 加藤慶祐 fails the Log Grip. Vegetable stand guy Hirohisa Okuda 奥田洋久 fails the steps. Fishermonger Naoya Akita 秋田直也fails the X-Bridge. Strawberry farmer Shuichi Furusawa 吉澤秀一 fails the Jumping Spider. Actor Takeshi Uchida 内田岳志 fails the Log Grip. Hanawa はなわ fails the steps.

64. Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一! He's with the Muscle Musical. Steps! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! He looks like he's wearing old Japanese man underwear. He passed the Jumping Spider by the way. Half- Pipe Attack is no problem! Soritatsu Kabe on the first try. Slider Jump coming up. Yes! He goes over. And DROPS into the net. Ouch. Tarzan Jump! He's got lots of time! Rope Ladder. Yes! 16.21 left!

That's two! Out of 64. And he's number 64! Wow! What are the odds! That was unexpected.

72. Muscle Park staff member Ryouji Higa 比嘉良二 ! He's the SASUKE Park demonstrator! Steps. X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. They don't have that there. Yes! Jumping Spider. NO! You have to jump forward. Not straight up into the air! They don't have that at SASUKE Park!

Hosshan ほっしゃん! Is next. Here he goes. Steps. Yes...NO!

Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗 is next! And the shirt goes off! Steps and that will be it I bet. Slowly. Again, my genius at work people! That must have been earlier in the day since the All-Stars were still in the stands.

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥! He passed last time! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. Yes! A little awkward Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe coming..FIRST TRY! Wait for me dammit! Slider Jump. Yes! He goes the under. Good boy. Lots of time left. Tarzan Jump. Rope Ladder! Yes! With 20.00 left! He's two for two on the first stage! 20.02 to be exact.

The New Stars are a bit nervous.

Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアンis up next.

75. Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 is first. Steps. OK! X-Bridge. Log Grip! JUST MADE IT! Jumping Spider. Ike! NO!

76. Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 is up next. Steps. Mr. SASUKE is coming up soon! But first, a commercial.


Steps. Yes. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. He failed here last time. He's up! And. NO! Course Out!

Kouhei Kato 加藤康平 fails the Log Grip. Kota Honma 本間晃汰 fails the Jumping Spider. Ya Takahashi 高橋矢 fails the X-Brdge. Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和 of the Muscle Musical fails the Half-Pipe Attack. Actor Masataka Kubota 窪田正孝 fails the Log Grip.

Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光of the Muscle Musical times out at the Soritatsu Kabe.

78. STQER in the house! Jun Sato 佐藤惇! Steps. SASUKE New Generation! X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Did he hurt his wrist? Jumping Spider! New Generation! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. One time! Slider Jump next. Yes! He goes over. No listens to me. Lots of time left. Tarzan Jump. Rope Ladder. Lots of time. Don't force it. Slowly. Yes!

78 have tried! Four have passed! Did he hurt his shoulder?

Uh oh. It's Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己bashing time! Let's see him cry and work part-time. Last time was 10! The magic is gone really. Making fun of him is like shooting fish in a barrel. Big fish. Big, dead fish. Not even in a barrel. Just kind of lying on the floor in front of me.

Cue that MUSASHI music. Let the lyrics play man! Let the lyrics play!

What to do if he passes. Do I break out the hard liquor? Do I give up blogging forever? Who will it be? Me or him? close to the lyrics. Steps. But first, a word from our sponsor.

Back. Steps. Whoa..close. X-Bridge is a clear. Log Grip. And he's through. Jumping Spider. He's through. Half-Pipe Attack. Oh boy. Soritatsu Kabe. First try. NO! Gets set. Hurry up dumb ass. NO! One more chance. And that famous Yamada gumption comes into play as he takes his time.

Kanno is worried. Yuuji is either bored or is thinking the same thing I am right now.

And that's it. OH CRAP! He's died! He's died on the course! A fitting end! Oh wait. He's still breathing. Cue the EXTREMELY dramatic music.

Really, there are no words at this point. Dead. Fish. On. The. Floor.

Nagano comforts Katsumi as he cries. Again. No sympathy from me. I can't help it.

Cue the Kull music! It's Wakky ワッキー!

Steps. As everything went really quiet for some reason. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Wakky! Wakky! Ita! Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Slowly. Half-Pipe Attack. NO! He overshot the platform. Hrm. Ah. His hands slipped off the rope.

80 have tried! Four have passed! It's getting dark!

Cue some fairly dramatic guitar music.

81. Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸! He's a soccer player. It's his first time but he gets a theme song. Go figure. Fame. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. NO! He wasn't prepared for the drop. As are many newcomers. Eh, that's life. Will any of the athletes live up to their athletic promise!

The American Monster! The King of Athletes!

82. Paul ANTHONY Terek ポール・A・テレック! Steps. He got a new theme song. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Jesus, he's bigger than the log. Jumping Spider. Yes! Uh oh. Slipping. A little dangerous here. Slowly. I think it's too small for him. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. No problem! The course is too small for him. It's not fair! Slider Jump. Wait...he's stuck. Uh oh. Uh oh. NO!

Hey, you need to use your momentum. And Paul gets no interview. Damn. That's harsh.

84. Hey! It's Washimi Yuuji 鷲見裕二! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. OK! Jumping Spider. Yes! No problem! Half-Pipe Attack. Overshot. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. NO! First try fails. Yes! Slider Jump up next. Yes! He's at the upper half so he goes over. Lots of time. He won't be getting fastest time though. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder. Uh oh. Maybe not that much time. Time is going red. Go! Go! WHOA! .92 left! Girigiri!

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司is next! Yet another STQer. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. No problem! Jumping Spider. Yes! Hashimoto Koji! Half-Pipe Attack. Soritatsu Kabe. Yes! No problem! Slider Jump. Yes! He's at the top so he goes over. Lots of time left. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder! He's going to do it! Yes! With 11.37 left!

Let's see that again so that we can hear more MUSASHI.

87. Monkiki or Monkickey or Akira Omori モンキッキー (大森晃)! Whatever. After a long lay-off he failed the Jumping Spider last time. Steps but let's hit a commercial first.


Steps. WHAT??????? What happened? Hey, don't laugh until you go Yukio Iketani.

88. Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史! Steps. X-Bridge. Hayai! Log Grip. Taking a while to get set. NO! Darn. I had high hopes for him. The drop always kills 'em.

Naoki Iketani tries to trick his brother by giving him bad advice.

Check that Japan in the 90s hair he had.

88 have tried! Six have passed!

89. Yukio Iketani 池谷幸雄! He's a former Olympic medalist. Steps. Whoa. Almost lost it. And again! But he's safe. Log Grip. He failed here before. And he couldn't hold on long enough! And there's that famous Naoki Iketani smirk.

Can Mr. Monster Box do it? He's been in a bit of a SASUKE slump. He also looks like he's wearing old man underwear.

90. Naoki Iketani 池谷直樹! Steps. X-Bridge. Whoa. OK. Log Grip. No problem. I think he has more upper body strength than his brother. Jumping Spider. He slips on the Spider Walk. Ouch. Did he just slam his head into the board? Tomomi Arimatsu, Satomi Kadoi and Sae Matsushita of the Muscle Musical react! Let's take a commercial break to ponder that.


On the Spider Walk. He's OK! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe! First try. Wait. No. No! Don't give up! Gads, Yukio is SUCH an older brother.

Let's get some commentary from Yukio.

Iketani timed out by the way.

Hey, it's the theme to Legend of the Condor Heroes!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe! Sasuga desu! Slider Jump. Lots of time. Yes! At the half-way where I think they should go under but hey, I'm not the one there. Tarzan Rope. Lots of time. Whoa. And a light tap gets him through!

4.13 left!

Up next! New Hero Yuuji Urushihara! Cue the Grand Theme from Blood +!

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider up next. Yes! Nice compact jump. Half-Pipe Attack coming up. Chotto Abunai! But it's the shoes! First try on the Soritatsu Kabe! Slider Jump. He's at the upper half so he goes over. Lots of time. Tarzan Rope. Is it raining? Huh, he took the rope stand with him! And that's it! With 24.35 left!

94. Kenji Takahashi 高橋賢次! The Kongo Exress! Yikes, already up to the Log Grip. No problem. Jumping Spider! He lands with a solid thud. Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack coming up. Whoa! He almost missed. Soritatsu Kabe! First try! Slider Jump. He goes over because he can. Can he beat Yuuji's time? Don't think so. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder. He'll be just short. 24.06 left!

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行! He's unconcerned with time! But first, some commercials.


Steps! OK! X-Bridge has proved very little challenge. Log Grip. OK! Jumping Spider. Yes! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes..wait..YES! Soritatsu Kabe coming up. Yes! Slider Jump. Yes! He's deceptively tall. He goes over. He kind of just reached out for it. Tarzan Rope. Still lots of time. But he shouldn't dawdle. Yes! No problems! And the crowd goes mild! They are probably cold. 6.15 left!

Takeda makes Shingo yelp from the slap on the back.

Lets go back in time as the chickens revolt.

96. Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟! Last time was the first time in a long time for Shingo to get to the 3rd Stage. Can he do it again tonight? Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack as the Yama-moto chant starts. First time overshoots! Again! Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. Not much time. No! One more time! Yes! GO GO GO GO! Slider Jump. Yes! NO! DON'T GO OVER! HURRY UP! GO! Time is going red. NO! NO!

Well, at least he didn't get wet.

Shut up Sato.

Last time Hiromichi Sato finally got through to the 2nd Stage. Can he do it again?

96 have tried! 10 have passed!

97. Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. No problem. Jumping Spider. And he's through! Well, he's sort of through. We'll have to wait for this commercial to find out.


Half-Pipe Attack. No problem! Lots of time. Getting set. Soritatsu Kabe on the first try! Slider Jump. He goes over since he landed high. Faffing about in the net. Tarzan Rope. Someone is going nuts in the background. Rope Ladder. And that's it as the time goes red!

8.55 left!

Interview time as I use the wonders of technology to check on the people I missed.

97 have tried! 11 have succeeded!

98. Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩 and his orange pants! Steps. X-Bridge is not so extreme. Log Grip. Jumping Spider. I think he's trying to beat Yuuji's time. Jumping Spider is good! Half-Pipe Attack is next. Yes! Almost loses his balance on the plank. Soritatsu Kabe! Slider Jump! Lots of time but he won't beat Yuuji's time. Faffing about in the net. You can hear Nagano exhorting him on. Rope Ladder. Time will go red soon. Yes! 6.19 left!

Let's relive something we saw a minute ago. That's...a lot of labeling on his shirt.

And let's take a look at one of our finalists from 23.

99. Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志! Pow pow! Bzzap! Steps. Bang! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Boom! Jumping Spider. Half-Pipe Attack. Whoops. Try again! Uh oh. Lots of lost time. Soritatsu Kabe. NO! NO! NO! Uh oh. What's going on here? NO! Masaka! Masaka! Masaka! Yes! But does he have time? Jikan ga arimasen! Hurry! GO GO GO GO! DON'T GO..Oh. Good boy. NO! Time is going red! Hurry! No. NO! NO! NO!

Wow. That definitely deserves some dramatic music.

Let's relive his failure and shame. Yuuji tries to comfort him.

Nagano can't think of anything else except what he's going to do. Good man. Focus. You've got a job to do.

Cue Last Battle. Because it is the last man to run the 1st Stage tonight! Makoto Nagano!

100. Makoto Nagano 長野誠! Steps. X-Bridge is no longer EXTREME! Commercial first though.


100. Makoto Nagano! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. OK! Jumping Spider up next. Yes! And he zips th....WHAT! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!? Oh wow. I know the man is human

Yuuji can't believe. The wife can't believe it. Takeda can't believe it. His foot slipped right at the end. No. He missed the platform coming down. I think he was thinking ahead. Wow.

Baka mitai misu desu! Wow.

That was unexpected. So both of the last Finalists are out.

Let's watch as everyone warms up and gets ready for the 2nd Stage. Yuuji image trains on the Unstable Bridge.

2nd Stage

47. Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広 is up first! 85 seconds to clear. Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder is no problem! Unstable Bridge. At the second. Yes! NO! NO! He pulled Yuuji! He got through but didn't get his balance before trying to land.

Yuuji is all like "Dude, I soooo told you."

64. Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一! He's the last hope of the Muscle Musical (Sato doesn't count.) Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder is no problem. Unstable Bridge. At the second plank. Halfway but does he have time? Yes! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. NO! The classic Metal Spin fail! The mohawk is down! The mohawk is down!

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥! You're up next! Last time he failed the Salmon Ladder. Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Good rhythm. Unstable Bridge. Note that the Salmon Ladder goes straight into the Bridge. Bridge is no problem! Balance Tank is no problem! Metal Spin. WILL BE AFTER THESE MESSAGES!


Metal Spin. YES! Wall Lifting. 30! 40! 50! Yes! 19.5 left!

That's one! The show can go on!

78. Jun Sato 佐藤惇! He's a third-year high school student! Pass here and you'll go back to school in style! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. He failed here last time. The stoppers are gone from the Salmon Ladder bar. Doesn't have the rhythm. Time is running out. NO! Go back to school in shame boy! Shame!

84. Yuuji Washimi 鷲見裕二! He couldn't get past the Salmon Ladder before. Can he do it here? Good rhythm. He's through! Up to the Unstable Bridge. Second plank. Get set. Yes! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. NO! Washimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Metal Spin de retire! Darn.

He got past the Ladder only to get tripped up later.

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司! Let's see him at work first! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. YES! Unstable Bridge. Second Plank......YES! YES! Balance Tank up next. Yes! Metal Spin coming up but hey, why don't we take a commercial first?


Metal Spin coming up. Whoa! Yes! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 8.2 left! Mom and Dad are proud!

Two are through so far!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ is up next! Rocking his old school hair! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Good rhythm. Whoops! Back on track. Unstable Bridge. Yes! Balance Tank coming up. Whoa. Don't do that dude! Metal Spin. Yes! Wall Lifting coming up. 30! 40! 50! Yes! 10.4 left!

That's three!

93. Did he just refer to Yuuji as a leader? Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! Is next! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Rhythm. Revenge on the Bridge? Second plank. Slowly. Yes! Balance Tank next. Needs to pick it up though. Metal Spin. Yes! Go! GO! GO! GO! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 6.5 left!

The STQers cheer Yuuji on!

94. Kongu Takahashi 高橋賢次! He's never failed the 2nd Stage before! Downhill Jump, Salmon Ladder and Unstable Bridge are no problem! Neither is the Balance Tank! And then the Metal Spin! And score one for the Old School as Takahashi is through! 32.11 left! Wow!

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 is up next! That's four in a row for those keeping score at home. And five overall. Weird music for Okuyama. Downhill Jump. Yes! Good timing. Salmon Ladder. Yes! Unstable Brige up next. Taking his time. Yes! Did it cost him? Nice nipples there Okuyama. Balance Tank. Metal Spin coming up. Yes! Go! 30! 40! 50! 14.9 left!

Well now.

Next up is Hiromichi Sato! Let's see him train in some back alley. Do the neighbors know?

97. Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道! The kids are there. Go to bed! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder up next. Hrm. Struggling a bit. But he's through. Unstable Bridge. Second plank. And...he's through. Balance Tank up next. Does he have enough time? Metal Spin. Not much time. He's go..NO! He lost it!

And he disappoints his family once again.

Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩 is up next. But let's see Akiyama and Yamada time out at the Soritatus Kabe. And then Shingo time out at the Tarzan Rope. And the most surprising, Nagano banging the heck out of his head on the Jumping Spider.

98. Toshihiro Takeda! Must do this for the sake of the All-Stars! And to avenge the death of his sifu! Avenge his death Takeda! Avenge his death! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Unstable Bridge. Here he goes. Second plank. Yes! Clear! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. Look at that smile. Yes! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 10.7 left! All-Stars shindenai!

Let's take a look at the 3rd Stage. The 2nd Obstacle is new, the Rope Junction. No conjunctions involved I guess.

No time limit here.

The Magnificent Seven!

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥 is up first! Arm Rings is no problem. Rope Junction. At the middle. And he's through! Yes! Devil Steps up next. Good pace. At the turn. And he's through! SASUKE Spray time. Shin-Cliff Hanger up next. SASUKE Next Generation. At the slant. Yes! He's through! This is the tough part. The Jumping Bars into the Hang Climbing with no time to rest. One. Two. Three. Four! And now to the Hang Climbing. Ikeru ikeru! Good pace. No legs on the Spider Flip climb. At the jump now. Can he do it? Don't stick your leg out too far. Yes! He's got it! And It's time for the Gliding Ring. Here we go. NO! Pay attention to what you are doing man. Time to rest. On the Green Bar of Safety. But first, a commercial.


Even the All-Stars are amazed at his ability to not use his legs going into the Spider Flip. That's some serious arm time.

Back to the Green Bar of Safety. Here we go. Wait. DON'T STAND UP! NO! NO! D'oh.

Mottainai (What a waste) is expressed by Nagano and Takeda.

That ever observant soul Kongu Takahashi points out that he didn't get the ring over the stopper before trying to start. Rookie mistake.

He apologizes to the girlfriend after that.

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司 is up next! Arm Rings. OK! Rope Junction next. OK! Mom and Dad cheer him on! Devil Steps. At the turn. And he's through! Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. Here he goes. At the slant. Yes! Jumping Bars next. Taking his time. One! Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing next. He can use his feet if he wants to. OK! No problem! Spider Flip plank. Struggling a bit though. Ganbare! Yes! Mom can't watch! Yes! Going to the Gliding Ring! Wow! What a run. On the Green Bar of Safety. Probably should have shaved his pits. Everyone's watching man. Take your time. Take your time. CMs.


Here he goes. Swinging. Swinging. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Somehow I don't think he was in the pool.

Mom and dad are happy! Everyone is pumped!

Mom is crying!

That's one!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ is next! Arm Rings. Rope Junction. Irony would be for the climber to fail here. At the middle. OK. Devil Steps. He's looking pretty blown up already. Devil Steps. At the turn. OK! Shin-Cliff Hanger is next. Nagano cheers him on. Yuuji is anxious. He's up next. This is where he stopped last time. At the slant. YES! WOW! NO PROBLEM! Jumping Bars coming up. Then the Hang Climbing which he shouldn't have a problem with. One. Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing. But hey, let's take a break first.



Hang Climbing. He shouldn't have a problem here but can he get through the Spider Flip plank? Slowly. Slowly. Yes. At the rest area. This is taking it's toll on him. Getting set. Here he goes. Ready. Turning. YES! WHOA WHOA! YES! Abunakatta! Yes! Can there be two? We're not playing by Highlander rules here, people.

Here he goes. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMIGOD!

And now! Let's have an interview in multiple languages! Yes!

I believe Lee is the first foreign finalist since Kane Kosugi and Jordan Shortlegs in SASUKE 8.

Looks like the older folks are a bit nervous seeing these youngsters going the Final. Get off their lawn!

Let's see Yamada blow off Yuuji again and relish the situation, shall we?

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! He's the leader of the new generation of SASUKE stars! Arm Rings. That's a lot of advertising on his shirt. Rope Junction. Yes! Devil Steps. At the turn. OK!

Takeda keeps covering his ears when the announcer says that he is the last hope of the All-Stars.

Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. At the slant. Mondai arimasen! Stretching and some SASUKE Spray. Jumping Bars. One. Two. Three. Four! Hang Climbing coming up. That running jump he took on the bars was a bit scary. Hang Climbing is no problem. Spider Flip coming up. Wow. Takeda has to be feeling the pressure. Rest time. Here he goes. Or not. Take your time. We're in no rush. YES! Although he almost slipped like Lee. But he's to the Green Bar of Safety! Kitsui ne! Getting the ring ready. Here he goes. But let's take a break first.

Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. HERE HE GOES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Nagano goes to relax Takeda. The STQers go nuts. The All-Stars golf clap.


Three to the Final Stage? And Takeda is really really feeling the pressure.

94. Kongu Takahashi 高橋賢次 is up next! Arm Rings are no problem. Rope Conjunction up next. Woot. That was fast. Koji gets lots of airtime now that he's a finalist. Devil Steps. At the turn. No problems here. Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. Break time for Kongu. At the slant. He does the patented Kongu Cross.

Jumping Bars coming up. One. Two. Three. Four! Straight into the Hang Climbing. Through! Getting to the Spider Flip. Wow. TBS is setting us up for something or nothing from Takeda. He looks like he's going to cry. Getting ready. Yes! Woooo.. Everyone is JUST doing it tonight. Now on the Green Bar of Safety. Does he have it in him? Gliding Ring time.

Swinging. Swinging. Commercial.


Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YES! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! Kongu will sex the landing pad right now! WHO WANTS TO SEX KONGU?

"The Love Theme of Kongu" plays while he is interviewed. His wife is in tears. And now Kongu is in tears.

Meanwhile, the torture of Toshihiro Takeda goes on.

Yoshiyuki Okuyama is up next. His son says that "maybe" he can do it. Thanks son. You get no allowance. For all eternity.

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 and his nipples are back! Arm Rings are no problem. Rope Junction. At the middle. OK. Ikeru! Devil Steps are no problem! Shin-Cliff Hanger is next. At the slant. YES! OK, time to change the Shin-Cliff Hanger. Everyone today has owned it. SASUKE IS HIS OLYMPICS. This point cannot be made enough. Jumping Bars. One! Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing. Getting up to Spider Flip. This was where he failed last time. Rest time. Damn he's tall. Revenge time. Getting ready. But time for some commercials.


Getting ready to tackle the gap. YES! He did it! Getting to the Green Bar of Safety. Would he be the oldest finalist ever? Time to rest. Take your time. Take your time. Here he goes.

Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Cue the dramatic music.

Takeda: "Iketai ni isshouni."

Let's relive the highlights as Takeda gets ready.

C'mon Toshihiro! You can do it!

Let's review all the things that have happened up until now. We've all seen it so I won't bother recapping it.

Takeda is the last hope of the All-Stars, the Rebel Alliance, the forces of good, etc. etc.

Only one man is left. Will he do it? More than anyone else, I think the crowd will go absolutely nuts if he makes it. I know I will.

98. Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩. Arm Rings are no problem. SASUKE Spray. Rope Junction coming up. At the middle. Safe! Devil Steps up next. Here he goes. At the turn. Yes! Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. No matter what happens to him, people are going to cry I think. Shin-Cliff Hanger. Oo..history. He was the first person to do it? At the slant. WHOA! Almost didn't do it but he did!

Jumping Bars. One. Two. Three. Four! Yes! Hang Climbing! Avenge your sifu! Ikeru! Ikeru! Daijoubu! The crowd is ALL behind him. Spider Flip revenge time. Come on. Come on. Don't give up. Don't give up. You can do it. You can do it.


Back. Let's move back a bit to the Jumping Bars. At the Hang Climbing. Now getting to the Spider Flip plank. Oh god. This is crazy. I don't think the shouting is helping people.

Dig deep Toshihiro. Dig deep. This is painful. Yes. Yes. Yes. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

That was quite possibly the most emotional run of Shin SASUKE. Eh, screw it. It was the most emotional run.

I think he just wants to throttle the announcers for putting so much pressure on him.

I can't really describe this. Nagano takes it harder than Takeda.

Final Stage

Five! Have made it! One has been there before. Yuuji Urushihara was the first to break through to the Final Stage in the new era.

And whoever completes SASUKE will get a Nissan Fuga! Fuga?

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司 is first. He was a gymnast in high school and is currently a gym instructor. This is his first attempt at the Final Stage.

40 seconds to complete.

Someone has fired up the soundtrack to Avalon.

Is the question not who but how many? Crazy.

Here he goes! Up the ladder. Not quite fast though. Don't know if he can do it. At rope with twenty seconds.

Commercials. We have a lot of time to kill people.


Here he goes. On the Heavenly Ladder. At the GRope with twenty seconds. Time is going red. Can he do it? 5..4..3..2..1. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I think you need at least 25 seconds on the rope to have a real chance.

Ouch. Well, that's one. We're still in business though. Four more to go!

92. Taiwan's Lee En Chi リー・エンチ! Let's go back in time. He was Taiwan's first and so far only competitor. Well he was there the first time with someone else but we don't like to talk about him anymore. Since then he's carried the hopes of Taiwan and JET TV on his back and has done quite well. This is his first final.

Here he goes. Up the ladder. Commercial.


Up the Heavenly Ladder. Going good so far. Going Good. A little bit ahead of Koji. Go. Go. Go. Go. Time is going red. Go. Go. Go. NO! Time up! Not quite as far as Koji.

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! He's now been proclaimed the leader of the new generation of SASUKE stars. He's been here before. Can that make a difference?

I tell you right now that I'm biased and I'm rooting for Yuuji more than any of the other finalists.

Here he goes! Up the ladder. Good pace! Hayai! Yes! At the rope at 25 seconds. CMs.


Back at the bottom. Heavenly Ladder. Here he goes. Wow, good pace. He hits the GRope at around 25 seconds. Can he do it? Here he goes. Time is red. YES YES YESYESY ESYEYSYSSSSSSSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm going to cry.

Minna arigatou!

Holy cow.

3.7 seconds left!

Congratulations YUUJI URUSHIHARA!

Oh. By the way, there are two other competitors left.

94. Kenji Takahashi 高橋賢次 is next! Man, it's hard to concentrate. Up the ladder. Good time. Just behind Yuuji. Can he do it? Not sure about his rope climbing skills. But he's a vet. Can there be two? Sorry Kongu, it's kind of anti-climatic right now, don't you think? Commercials.


Heavenly Ladder. Pretty good pace up the ladder. Urgh. Lost time on the transfer. Still, he has more upper body than most. Time is going red! GO! GO! GO! GO! NO! NO! That's depressing watching him being lowered down like that.

Ouch. He got tangled in the safety rope. It happens. Good job though Kongu. He'll be back in "The Revenge of Kongu."

One more to go.

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 is our final competitor. He was an All-Japan level sprinter. SASUKE is his Olympics!

Vaguely MUSASHI-like music for Okuyama.

Here he goes! Up the ladder! CMs.


Heavenly Ladder. Can he do it? A bit slow. Urgh. I don't know if he can do it. He's a bit slow. Time is going red. NO! NO!

Damn. There's the Lowering of Failure. The family is disappointed. Especially since that little guy over there did it.

Wow. Let's relive his failure.

Yay! STQers win! STQers win!

The giant key and car are Yuuji's!

And that's it! This spring. Look for the SASUKE renewal!

Congratulations to our third ever SASUKE winner, Yuuji Urushihara!