Thursday, April 11, 2013

Sports Danshi Grand Prix! This time actually a liveblog! 『究極の男は誰だ!?最強スポーツ男子頂上決戦』

Well, good job TBS. I didn't even know this was going to be on until forty minutes ago.

Who is the ultimate man! Sports Danshi Grand Prix!

Hey, it's that lady again.

1st Event: Mountain Flag!

1st Race: Gaku Sano (the previous winner), Mendy Sekiguchi (EXILE, rocking the flattop), Casper (Friendly g...Cross Gene rapper), Kazuki Shimizu (Gokaiger)

Set...go! Sano up quickly! And he gets it easily...or STANDING as the announcer puts it. Let's chalk it up to experience! No one was even close.

2nd Race: Yuuma Ishigaki, Kwang Soo (K-pop speed star), Wataru Mori~!, Eiji Takigawa (hey, he does the Lipivotan D commercials with Kane Kosugi)

Set..go! Commercial!


Set...go! Even going up...Kwang Soo falling behind! Wataru Mori~! gets it! Kwang Soo lost his grip in the rope. I think there should be two flags but whatever.

3rd Race: Atsushi (model), Shu Watanabe (Kamen Rider OOO), Toshisomethingorother Toshihiro Nobuyama (with One Direction background music), Jingi Irie



Nobuyama is up fastest! But Watanabe was right behind him. The first close race of the night!

4th Race: KENZO (Da Pump), Seiya (actor), ELLY (J Soul Brothers), Yuusuke Onuki (pro dancer)

Set...go! Seiya up the fastest! But Onuki is right there! They dive! And it's Seiya! He just got it!

Our final four: Sano, Mori, Nobuyama, Seiya!

Final Race: Sano, Mori, Nobuyama (announcer calls him the dark horse), Seiya

Here we go...start! Sano up the fastest! And he crushes the competition! It wasn't even close. Seiya was next up but Sano was too far ahead.

Winner: Gaku Sano! He gets the full 100 points.

Are they using Final Fantasy background music?

2nd Event: Hard Anchor. This is new. Hey, it's literally an anchor. They have to be the fastest to pull the anchor out of the water (it's

1st: Atsushi vs Kwang Soo! Atsushi seemed faster but Kwang Soo got it in first! Wow, the ladies love Kwang Soo.

Oh, they are not necessarily going against each other. One chance? Best overall time?

2nd: Gaku Sano vs Shu Watanabe! Start! Pure strength is not Sano's....strength (hey, I don't get paid for this). Watanabe was the faster of the two.

3rd: Mendy Sekiguchi vs Eiji Takigawa! Start! But a commercial first. I like how Eiji's subtitle is simply: "Crystal Takigawa's cousin".


Mendy is faster...both are the fastest so far. Mendy at sub-twelve seconds and is the man to knock off. Not very good form though.

4th: Seiya vs Irie. Both end up on the bottom of the standings.

5th: Elly vs Shimizu. Elly ends up third. This was all digested by the way.

6th: Wataru Mori~! vs Casper. Casper has a very punchable face. Start! Mori has good form! But Casper is faster in the end. Oh OK. The top two times go on to the final.

7th: Ishigaki vs Onuki. Let's see if they can crack the top two. Go! Whoops. Ishigaki lost it at the end. And Onuki is now 2nd! Wow! He had good form. And edged out Takigawa by half a second!

8th: KENZO vs Nobuyama. KENZO is a power guy (as opposed to Sano who is a speed guy). He is the acknowledged powerhouse of the group, I think. Go! Hmm...Whoa! Nobuyama is a sub-twelve! He has the fastest time! KENZO would have been into the final if not for Nobuyama as he comes in third. It's not just about pure strength.

Final: Mendy Sekiguchi vs Toshihiro Nobuyama (by making the final I am forced to learn his name).

Start! Mendy out of the gate faster...but commercials first. TBS slightly spoils things by showing one of the Shotgun Touch participants (only the top five make it there) but I ain't tellin' ya who it is. Mainly because I didn't actually see who it was.


And it's Sekiguchi! TEAM EXILE! With the fastest time of the night! Nobuyama was right behind him though.

Winner: Mendy Sekiguchi

3rd Event: Monster Box

11 boxes: Sano starts us off with a flip. In order for Mendy to stay in it, he just has to reach a decent height. Atsushi doesn't really have the form but he's kind of tall so that may or may not help him. Possibly balding Ishigaki is through. The announcer thinks ELLY has potential. LL Kwang Soo doffs his shirt to screams. Casper doesn't do anything that makes me NOT want to punch him. He shows off and almost breaks his neck in the process. Seiya shows off. Wataru Mori up next. And he doesn't even touch the box! And he almost screwed it up too. That was rad.

12 boxes: Shimizu is out! Watanabe too! Watanabe is our first run into the boxes without jumping, which is really early. Atsushi just gets it. Ishigaki grazes his butt and is out. OK, LL Kwang Soo is just playing it to the crowd. Jingi Irie is out!

14 boxes: Atsushi is through! The others pass.

15 boxes: Same height as a telephone booth. Gaku Sano is up first. And he has room to spare! Atsushi is up next. NO! But he'll get another chance. Crystal Takigawa's cousin is up next. Hrmm...did he do it? Yes! He didn't quite go over straight. I wonder if he asked Kane for tips? KENZO is well past his previous high of 12. He's been practicing! Mendy Sekiguchi up next. No problem! Nobuyama is up. Yes! The announcer is really playing him up as a dark horse.

Only Atsushi failed at 15. Do or die for him now. And he does! Oh wait. Kwang Soo didn't clear the first time either. Can he do it for the fans? NO! He hates all of you. He skipped 14 so he ends at 13.

16 boxes: Sano, Onuki, Nobuyama clear. Atsushi doesn't.

Atsushi...second try..gets paused! Commercials.


Here he goes...NO! He'll retire with 15. Kuyashii na! Crystal's cousin and KENZO also retire here. Sekiguchi is through! Lots of first try fails they skipped. Seiya is also do or die now. Yes! With bad form! Shuffling your feet is not a good sign.

17 boxes: Only eight are left. Sano and Sekiguchi are still alive so they'll stay at the top of the rankings. And Sano is through! Wataru has a grin for that. And he is through too! Onuki is through the announcer proclaims him a Monster Box dark horse. Seiya is through. Casper will need a second chance.

ELLY does it on his second try. Casper does too. But Sekiguchi is out! As is Nobuyama!

18 boxes: Wataru Mori won it last time with 18. Can he repeat? Find out after this commercial for WiiU Karaoke.

Back. 18 boxes is much taller than an old man. Thanks for telling us TBS.

Sano is up first. He is currently in third but will definitely move up. And he's through! I wonder if anyone will go for 20 tonight? Onuki is impressed. Wataru not as much. Wataru Mori is still alive! Casper up next. Last time he put his head down to run which is a first for me to see. He is now shirtless and shouty. The head of steam technique works! Seiya next. He better not shuffle his feet again. He doesn't but we need a replay to confirm that he's through!

ELLY and Onuki need another try. ELLY up first. NO! He'll retire with 17. Onuki...just catches the box! He's out!

19 boxes: We are down to four. Sano thinks he can do it but that the others can't, making me want him to lose now. Commercials first though.

Sano up first. No! He almost wiped out completely. Wataru gets polite claps as he doffs his shirt. Not screams. And he doesn't get it! That's two. Casper next.  Dude, do something to make me NOT hate you. ARE YOUR EYEBROWS FROSTED? And he rips off the padding as he fails. You're paying for that, young man. Seiya going last. None have done it yet. Can he? YES! No problem. Yeah, you'd think the acrobat would be able to do this.

19 boxes is much much taller than elementary school children.

Sano up first. Now or never. NO! It looked like he had the speed but couldn't get his hands up in time. If Wataru is to defend his title, this may be his last chance! Yes! Wait! The warning for nothing! He's through! That's two going for 20. Casper looks like a cast off from a Triad movie. And no!

20 boxes: And we're down to two! And both fail on their first try! Wataru's second try up next. NO! Can Seiya do it? But before we know if he can, let's shill suits.


Ye...wait! Did his back touch? The warning lamp is on. NO! Double champions!

Winners: Wataru Mori and Seiya! Wataru Mori is now in the lead.

4th Event: The Fence! A fifteen meter fence climb. Naturally, it's not just straight up.

1st: Atsushi vs Onuki. Onuki up quickly! Atsushi is quite behind. Onuki up the last section. Onuki is done! Atsushi is going for pride! I assume this is best time event again.

2nd: LL Kwang Soo vs Guy who does commercials with Kane Kosugi. Takigawa is up a bit quicker. Almost up to the last section. He's there! He's done! Kwang Soo is there after a wait.

3rd: KENZO vs Casper. Go KENZO! They're off! About the same...Casper now in the lead. KENZO is right behind him. KENZO loses it! Casper will be in third after Onuki and Takigawa.

4th: ELLY vs Seiya. ELLY is there for EXILE pride, dammit! ELLY is jamming up there! May be a new number one time! Seiya is sub-forty! ELLY is in third now.

5th: Sekiguchi vs Nobuyama. Nobuyama could take the overall lead with a good showing here. Go! Nobuyama is up quickly! Wow! He has a wider stance than the others. He's the new number one! Mendy is fading fast.

6th: Sano vs Mori. Mori is in the overall lead. Sano and Nobuyama are right behind him. Go! Sano is quickly up! This is his kind of event. Mori is not that far behind. And they both go sub-twenty! Oh wait. Sano is 19 seconds. Mori a shade over.

Winner: Gaku Sano!

Sano retakes the overall lead, with Wataru five points behind him.

5th Event: Power Wall! Well, I don't expect Sano or Mori to win this event.

This is head to head.

1st: Crystal Takigawa's relative vs KENZO. KENZO is the previous champion. KENZO out to the early lead. Takigawa is fighting back! It's either push your opponent all the way over or be further over the line when time expires. And it's KENZO!

2nd: ELLY vs Casper. Standstill at first. ELLY with a slight lead. Whoever can get their feet moving will win. Casper moving forward...but ELLY is not down quite yet. Casper nods to the camera which makes me transfer all my psychic powers to ELLY. AND IT'S WORKING. But it isn't enough! Casper moves on while ELLY may be looking for a new job soon.

3rd: Mendy Sekiguchi vs Onuki. By the way, the guys at the bottom of the standings are out, so good bye to Atsushi and Kwang Soo. Go! Sekiguchi in the lead. Sekiguchi is our first outright winner.

4th: Nobuyama beats Seiya (clipped).

5th: KENZO vs Sano. Standstill but KENZO quickly gets things moving. Sano is struggling. No contest!

6th: Mori vs Casper. Now Mori gets screams when he takes off the shirt. Casper lifts his up and does come on motions to Mori. I hope the wall falls on him. Commercials.


Mori is behind and is holding him off but YES! YES! YES!...Casper lost his footing after Wataru started a big push back and ends up losing.

7th: KENZO vs Sekiguchi. Battle of the powerhouses! Sekiguchi with a slight lead. KENZO is in a dangerous position. KENZO loses his footing! Sekiguchi! Wow, not KENZO's year. Sekiguchi is into the final.

8th: Nobuyama vs Mori. Mori in the early lead. Both try to use their bodies, really bending down low. Nobuyama in the lead. Wataru is back up to his feet! And he does it again! Wow! He's into the final!

Final: Sekiguchi vs Mori. Can Wataru do it again? Commercials first.


Wataru goes full body. Sekiguchi goes with his arms. Now both are pressed up against the wall. Wataru with a slight lead. Mendy pushing back though. And now he's got the momentum! That's it!

Winner: Mendy Sekiguchi!

Down to the last five! Mori, Sano, Nobuyama, Onuki, Sekiguchi.

Final Event: Shotgun Touch

Yusuke Onuki: 12 meters. NO!

Sekiguchi: 11m70cm. Yes! He gets it! He had more than enough. He's now in 2nd.

Nobuyama: 11m80cm. NO! He didn't really have to go for that much, Onuki had to since he's so far behind.

Sano: 11m80cm. He'll take the lead by five if he gets it. Uh oh. He was actually TOO FAST. His hands missed the ball and the ball landed next to his back. What a waste.

Mori: 11m30cm. He just needs to keep his lead so nothing big. And he just got it! This is not necessarily his event but he doesn't need to beat everyone to win.

Onuki: 11m70cm. YES!

Nobuyama: 111m80cm. NO! Not sure about his strategy here.

Sano: 12m10cm. Because of the first miss, this will only put him in 2nd. YES! He almost stumbled at the end. He's eleven points behind Wataru now. He did stumble at the end but he still had enough time to get there.

Sekiguchi: 12m. This will put him in 2nd. Commercials.

Back. Ye..hold on. NO! He missed it! That's it for him then. Almost no way for him to catch up.

Mori: 11m30cm. Same distance. YES! Cleaner than last time. It's his to lose at this point. He has a forty point lead.

Onuki: 11m80cm. NO!

Nobuyama: 11m80cm. NO!

Sekiguchi: 12m. YES! He's now in second.

Sano: 12m70cm. If he makes this, he's in the lead and Wataru has to do something. If not, Wataru wins and Sekiguchi is 2nd.

A quick look at Wikipedia says that the all-time record is 13m60cm by baseball player Norichika Aoki (currently with the Brewers). The all-time celeb record is 13m10cm by Kane Kosugi.


Here he goes.


That's it!

Wataru Mori doesn't have to do a thing. He's your winner!

He certainly worked for it. He was a co-winner of the Monster Box and came in 2nd in both The Fence and Power Wall.

Congratulations to Wataru Mori, your 2013 Sports Danshi Grand Prix winner!