Tanaka! Mizuno! Limbo dancers! Sumo wrestlers! Gaijin! AKB48! Can Miyake make it four in a row? It's KUNOICHI 2007!
EDIT: Go to Japan Probe where they've uploaded some KUNOICHI videos!
90 seconds to complete.
1 - Soccer player! She's through the first few obstacles. In the second area you have to press a button before going on. Don't know what that's about. Log roll! No!
2 - Hula dancer Chakki! (Chucky?) First obstacle through. NO!
3 - Chinese acrobat! She's flexible! D'oh! She eats the dirt!
4 - Marathon runner! She's in a CM! NO! Maniauwanai!
5 - Korean comedian is the first to wipe out on the first obstacle.
10 - some actress as some people don't get their day in the sun.
Ohhhhhhhh...you have to press the button to set off the sort of Log Grip obstacle and cross in time to grab it.
11 - Female football player. NO! Perhaps ditch the uniform next time. She's a footballer!
Four random ladies wipe out.
14 - Our first race queen! Nope! Cameramen prepare for your wet t-shirt shot!
I haven't watched Kunoichi in a while. Has it always looked like a recycled SASUKE course?
18 - She's a surfer! Oh wait, charisma model. Hmmm..if you're fast enough you don't have to use the spring board. Four more ladies get the shaf..er..yeah.
19 - Ummm...52 year old limbo dancer. And she can't get past the first obstacle. That's...um..
20 - Maid wipes out.
21 - Oh my..Female sumo wrestler Satake Hiromi. She's wiped out on the first obstacle before. Can she do it?!?! She's going veeeeeery slowly...NO!
Can we say she made a big splash?
No number rock climber is next! NO! Wait, she's number 26 which means we skipped five.
28 - Jietai member! Can she bring glory to the SDF?! Chotto osoi! Hashire! AHHH!
In theory, I guess you could TRY to jump across.
29 - Lori Christensen! She's with the military! Here she goes! NO! Thus goes the war on terror.
30 - Another Muscle Musical member! She's almost finished the first stage three times, reaching the final climb but never getting there in time! Can she do it! NO! She didn't get as close as the button. Miyake is nervous!
Five ladies, including two members of AKB48 get their day in the sun..or water as the case may be.
37 - Sakamoto Mariko! She has a sister? She makes it past the first two. There is clapping for her! Bridge is no problem! Barrel ro..NO!
40 - Ozawa Misaki steals Miyake's old look with the pink hair! She keeps slipping but she's through! Barrel ro..NO!! Darn, it looked like she had potential.
Recap of the road of various qualifiers.
41 - She works in a cabaret club! She's wearing a tiara! She has supporters! They're well dressed...NO!
42 - Iwasaki Yumi! She's 17. She plays baseball! Speed arimasu! OUTOOOOOOOOOOO!
Next is one of her teammates (no number). A basketball player (no number). Wait. The basketball player is number 44.
YMCA qualifier! NO!
0 for 45!
Matsuri onna! Is that a full-time job?
It's good time! Yamaguchi Nissan!
46 - Matsuri onna the first! She's cautious! That second obstacle is taking lots of people out!
47 - Matsuri onna the second! NO!
48 - Matsuri onna the last! Go! Shoko! No! (I did not plan that).
The announcer is wearing a shirt that hurts my eyes.
Hugging! avex has an artist academy?
49 - Umeda Haruka! avex artist academy member! She's been to Muscle Park! Balan..no!
50 - Kimura Kozue! Another avex artist academy attendee! (I planned that on!) The black mat means out! Komuro is so going to fire you!
Damn that announcers shirt is making my eyes hurt.
Four more ladies wipe out. Sexy queen no!
It's the mother-daughter team! The family the trains together stays together!
No one has cleared yet! 51 is mom, 52 is the daughter.
51 - Mama-san power! Haha Yuko Iku! Haha Yuko Iku! Haha YUKO! HAHA YUKO IS STUCK IN THE BRIDGE! Barrel roll! She's slipped here before! The time is going red! She passed the barrel roll but she ran out of time.
52 - Higashi daughter! Oh, Higashi Rena. WHOA! She's through to the barrel roll. Go! AHHHHHHHH! She eats the yellow post as she missed the trampoline. And I mean she went face first into the post. There are tears of failure! Okay, it wasn't that bad in the slo-mo.
53 - Jyu-yon-sai! Oh wait. Jyu-sai. She's 10! No!
55 - Marathon runner! Umm..okay. Olympic runner goes swimming!
60 - She's a caddy! She's energetic! She's got similarly clothed supporters. That never ends well. AND IT DOESN'T! She kind of trips on the springboard.
Takeda! Nagano! SASUKE All-Stars are backstage! I feel bad for the girl that Mr. SASUKE trained.
61 - Okamoto Sayaka! She works for Yamamoto Shingo! She's cleared the first stage before. NO! Shingo isn't there but I bet he's disappointed.
62 - Takeda's protege is Oshima Keiko! Ike! Ike! Yeah, no pressure there guys. Barrel roll. Okay! NO! She does an Akiyama and missteps on the trampoline.
63 - Nagano's Kunoichi! Something Kaori. Um...it would've been better if she hadn't leaned on the springboard like that. Let's start random rumors! Perhaps she and Nagano are seeing each other!
64 - Next is Mister SASUKE's Kunoichi. Onoda Momoko! She's some kind of instructor. If she listened to his advice she'll fail. If she pretended to listen to him, she'll be fine. What is a duke's walk? Barrel roll! She's doing the best so far. Commercials. Mmmm...Kamen Rider V3 pachinko. Rider Man!
We're back! Face first into the yellow post! She must have listened to Mr. SASUKE.
The SASUKE All-Stars Kunoichis all fail!
Six more ladies find failure, with one especially cool looking elimination where she gets her foot caught in the bridge and flips all the way over.
71 - Marathon runner Tanigawa Mari! No! She made it farther than the last runner though.
76 - A gravure idol! She can do the splits! First couple obstacles! Barrel roll! She slips! And falls! And flips! Hitori backdrop!
Still no one has cleared.
77 - Pro-surfer Kitagawa! She's tan. She's cleared the first stage before. Hayai! She slips on the bridge! Mada daijoubu! NO! She rips off part of the bridge for good measure.
80 - Komiya Rie! She's reached the final before but couldn't get it. She's off! No problems so far. Sasuga Komiya! Barrel roll. OK! Oof! Will she be the first! She hits the yellow post but holds on. CMs.
We're back. She's through! Angled walls! Rope ladder! Lots of time left! Button! She's the first to clear the first stage! The crowd cheers!
81 - Shape-Up Girls! Nakajima! No! She slips!
82 - Another former finalist! Mori Yoko! She's off! NO! She couldn't get her footing! Sugoi shock!
86 - Arm-wrestler Kawamura Mika! She's off! She's a world-champion arm-wrestler. No problems thus far. Barrel roll! OK! Face first into the yellow post! Mean yellow post! Unforgiving yellow post!
87 - Yamamoto Satomi! She's a pro-golfer! Balance wa ii! We get an...interesting shot when she's on the bridge. Barrel roll! So far so good! THE UNFORGIVING YELLOW POST STRIKES AGAIN! I'll just say that 2chers will probably have some nice pictures later.
88 - Another Muscle Musical member. There are many Muscle Musical members. NO! There is one less Muscle Musical member.
90 - Abe Asami! She's a gyaru! Sonene and Amimi VTR her luck! First obstacle wipe out! Natsumi isn't there but I bet she's sad.
I think they must have given out numbers but not everyone made it.
91 - Tanaka Maho is next! She reached the final last time! She's off! No problems so far. Unforgiving Yellow Post is forgiving. Angled wall! Rope ladder! Machigainai! No problems whatsoever.
92 - Nishimura Chie! She's the only woman to have cleared the first stage of SASUKE and judging from the clips she did it with verve. She was a stuntwoman I believe. No problems so far. Her family is here! Barrel roll is iffy but she's through! Unfo..yeah, she's through. Angled wall. Akai button ni! Rope ladder! Time to spare!
93 - Pro-surfer Taniguchi Erina! Hayai! Bridge! NO! She eats wall.
96 - Olympic canoer! NO! Her daughter is sad.
Reaching the climax!
97 - Takeuchi Asami! She's an aerobics instructor and one of those people you see on ESPN early in the morning doing that competitive aerobics stuff. Which doesn't help!
Mizuno Yuko is worried. Last san-nin!
98 - Mizuno Yuko! She's like Mr. SASUKE. She's had early success with Kunoichi but she's stunk up the joint since. She's the Geinokai No. 1 Athlete. So far so good! Unlike Mr. SASUKE, I don't have any hate in my heart for Yuko. Commercials!
We're back! Barrel roll is OK! UNFORGIVING YELLOW POST IS UNFORGIVING AND YELLOW YET AGAIN!
99 is Diana Pickler! SHE HOPES TO BE NUMBER FOUR! She's trying to follow in the footsteps of Paul ANTHONY Terek I guess. NO! WAIT! No no. She slipped on the post but held on and tried to climb back up but couldn't.
It was harder than I thought!
100 - Ayako Miyake! Can she do it once again? Miss Perfect! If Curt Henning were still alive he'd sue! Here she goes! Whooo...a little misstep there. First few obstacles no problem! Rope ladder climb and...no problem! Time to spare!
And then there were four!
Aside from Miyake, two of the others have reached the final stage before.
Komiya Rie is up first. They have 65 seconds. Speed is the key! No! She can't reach the platform from the ladder!
The ladder swings a bit so I think they'll have to do a slight swing towards the platform to make it.
There's no crying in basebal..oh wait.
Let us relive her shame again. They have to fill the two hours somehow with only four people making the next stage.
Smoke makes everything look mysterious!
Snowboarder and prior competition finalist Tanaka Maho is up next! Here we go! Slide is no problem. Balls and log are no problem. Ladder climb is up next...can she do it? Okay! Seventeen seconds left. Last pole to cross! A moment to set herself...and...no problem. And not with much time to spare! About 3.8 seconds left when she hits the button.
Nishimura Chie is up next! She's a mom! Her family is there! Small children...wonder if they'll be crying? I'm mean, I know. Nothing more soothing than a child's tears! Here we go! She's through the first three! Trying the ladder. No problem! Pole cross...First okay! Second okay! Third...the clock is going red! And...oh...commercials. Fuwa fuwa!
We're back...She slips a bit on the last pole! It costs her! TIME UP!!! Gomen ne..
I think she was too cautious at the beginning and it cost her. Her children are strangely unaffected by her failure.
Is it me or does Miyake seem...a bit spaced out most of the time?
Miyake is off! She has the support of the Muscle Musical members! All the way to the pole cross! No problems so far! Last pole! The time is going red! Jikan! Commercials! King Kaz has a car!
We're back! Last pole! Jikan ga nai! Jikan ga nai!
Miyake Ayako takes her first dip in the water since 2004.
Everyone is shocked. Kuyashi....
Her right hand missed the vertical pole and that was all she wrote.
Not to detract from the shock of Miyake falling but they still have about fifteen minutes left to fill and only one competitor left.
Here she goes! No time limit in this stage. First obstacle. She has to jump from small platform to platform. First two. Third! One foot misses but she's safe. Going for the fourth. It's a bigger jump than the others. She's taking her time and getting herself ready. She's through!
Next obstacle. They've added some rounded steps to the end of the domino walk thing. More commercials.
Here we go...She's through the blue. Green..yellow..NOOOOOOOO! Ato yon mai!
Perhaps the pressure got to her? She says she was a bit nervous. The mood is a bit...well, when you realize that the last three competitions ended with Miyake finishing the course this is a bit of a let down. Will this lead to an earlier KUNOICHI? One can only hope!
As the credits roll we take a look at the Final Stage.
As we go we get our first official commercial for the next SASUKE!
See everyone in two weeks!