Monday, December 28, 2009

SASUKE 2010 NAVI Sort of Live Blog! SASUKE 2010 ナビ! SASUKE 24 NAVI!

Let's kill some time by watching the last ten minutes of the New Years Ekiden preview.

OK. I like living in Japan and I understand it's important for the participants but who really watches a relay marathon? Does anyone watch the whole thing? What do the announcers talk about? "And they're off! And they're running! Still running!"

One hour later.

"And they are still running!"

And so on and so forth.

Yes, because when I think New Year Ekiden I think "Exile song."

SASUKE! 2010!

Let's start with a montage of comedians! And athletes! And All-Stars!

Kanno! Bang! Bang!


It's sign up time! There's Some chick just got number 52.

Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部. Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木. Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗. Eiko Kano 狩野英孝. Wakky ワッキー. Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野. Tetsu and Tomo テツandトモ. Takeshi Nadagi なだぎ武. Edo Harumi エド・はるみ. Audrey's Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰. Oh, are both of them competing this time?

And Hosshan ほっしゃんjust for good measure.

The combo that trains together stays together! Oh wow, they both played American football? Kasuga I can see but the other guy? Interesting. Kasuga going to be serious? Let's see his run from 2009 where he just did his schtick.

Let's do some push-ups! The partner's name is Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭.

And let's go in and see Udo Suzuki and his partner training! I don't think Amano is going to be there. Suzuki has done Judo and Kendo. Not exactly sports that lend themselves to something like SASUKE.

Descente in the hizzouse!

Amano gives a slap to the back!

Eiko Kano, Mr. Narcissist. And there he is training at a Gold's Gym. Yeah, that's going to help. I say Log Grip.

*Sigh* Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道. Oh, that's right. He finally didn't disappoint his family until the 2nd Stage last time where he failed the Metal Spin. I was actually surprised he did the Salmon Ladder but hey, it's his job to be in shape.

And he's back with the Muscle Musical. Cheater. Let's see him train for the Salmon Ladder. Is it too much to ask for a mugger to um..mug him in that dark alley?

Oh look. Shinsengumi Rien. Um..Sakakibara failed the Jumping Spider. And another guy failed the Log Grip. Choreography! Looks like Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 and Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 are participating this time.

The band that trains to...ah, forget it.

Descente in the hizzy!

Nagano! Kanno! Yuji! Yamada! Fall off the mountain! Fall off the mountain!

Commercial! For SASUKE! Who's time will it be! SASUKE!

Actual commercials.

Hahaha! I can get the SASUKE website and you can't!


It's Akiyama! It's Nagano! And that's it for the Kanzenseihas.

New Stars vs. All-Stars!

Makoto Nagano 長野誠 doesn't want to lose to them whippersnappers!

And the whippersnappers don't want to lose to them senior citizens!

Note the missing Bunpei.

Let's review Nagano's run in 23rd. Cue the Last Battle!

Must be handy to have a boat to train on and stuff. Shave them pits Makoto, every one can see.

Oh, and to have a crane to practice rope climbing. Handy, those things.

14 seconds! Do it again! Do it again! Kaiou doesn't care. He's just cold. 13 seconds!

Kaiou: "Get me off TV!"

Let's go to the man in the orange pants, Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩. Remember that he's struggled with the Hang Climbing. 12 3rd Stage out of 19 tries is pretty darn good.

Ah, the irony of him going to a rock climbing place called G4.

He gets some help from a kindly old man, not unlike a sifu in a kung-fu movie. Later, he will die and Toshihiro will have to avenge his death.

His first piece of advice was to remove all his bling before climbing.

The fami..oh wait.

What exactly is his son supposed to say?

Let's visit our favorite gasoline stand area manager. Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟 finally got back on track in 23. It had been three years for him between 3rd Stage appearances but his arm failed him.

Cut it off! Cut it off!

He goes to visit a doctor to see what was wrong. Years of pumping gas are not good for him. Inner muscle? There is a masturbation joke in here somewhere that I won't get into.

Hahahaha. You have to see it to understand.

I wonder what people think when they see the gasoline guy climbing all over the place? "I just wanted gas, man."

And of course let's go to the backyard that Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己 ruined.

Ten times! Ten times!


That was a pretty fun fall he took last time.

Last time! Last time! I wonder if he regrets saying that? I wonder if he's a giant drama queen. These things do not keep me up at night.

Pop. Pop.

Let's relive his greatest quote. I love you TBS.

And let's compound it by reliving his recent failures.

Free Muscle Musical shirts for everyone!

"Katsumi "Mr. SASUKE" Yamada was found after being lost in the mountains for a week."

Poor camera guy who had to follow him everywhere. I think Yamada is "blown up" as they say in the wrestling biz.

Descente getting bizzy in the hizzy!

And after a month it's amazing how much weight Oprah has lost! Oh wait. Well, he's 69.5 after a month or so of hard training. So no excuses now man! No excuses!

Enough of the old people. Wait, where's Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦? Too expensive to send a crew to Hokkaido I guess?

Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治!

Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志! Bzzap!

They've both reached the Final Stage! They are the New Stars of Legend! Suikoden!

Good to have a place to train.

Use your legs man! Use your legs! So he does some pull-ups then goes straight to the rope. Image training! Ah, Japan.


Sasami and lettuce in the house!

Hey, at least my apartment is cleaner than his.

Yuuji Urushihara!

He fell during the 2nd Stage last time. He lost his balance so that's his focus this time around. He uses a "slackline" to practice.

Kanzenseiha Shimasu!


Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広! Hiroki Nomura 野村宏樹! Makoto Yahagi 矢作誠! Ryo Matachi 又地諒! Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司! Keita Tomino 富野恵太! It's like a picnic. With obstacles.

Matachi: 何で落ちたんですか?
Urushihara: 知らないよ.

Only people who train together can really say that kind of stuff to each other without it turning into violence, I think.

Wha? Ahh....Yuuji dips his hands in ice water then tries the Shin-Cliff Hanger. He does it but abune! Kanno tries but can't.

Hashimoto tries with them. That's a novel idea. They are thinking ahead!

Race! Race!

Good to have a training buddy.

Takeda! Yamamoto! Akiyama! Nagano! Kanno! Urushihara!

TBS is really trying to push the All-Stars versus New Stars thing.

Sudo Genji! Some other guys!

CM...for SASUKE! Kanzenseiha!!!!!!!!



Oh snap, Yamada got his own commercial.


Genki Sudo 須藤元気!

Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦! He won a silver medal in Sidney in wrestling.

Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史! He had that goofy smile the last time. I loved that. I want him to do well if only for that.

Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸! He's another soccer player. He thinks he can do it!

Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋! He plays for the Yokohama Bay Stars!

Shortstop? I guess.

Genki Sudo! He didn't do very well last time.

Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行! Remember, he didn't go to the Olympics. But SASUKE is his Olympics! He failed the Spider Flip last time in a way that HAD to have given him splinters.

It's Christmas! They um..must have filmed this..when?

What do you expect their kids to say, TBS? "My dad sucks! He'll never finish the course!"

He uses his apartment to do some Spider Flip image training.

Commercial. For SASUKE! Danchou Club. Comedians. Athletes.



Let's get ready for the New Year!

Muscle Musical members! Let's see...Satomi Kadoi 門井佐登美, Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一, Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光, Takuya Kawahara 川原拓也, Spinboy Aichi 大野愛地, Rie Komiya 小宮理英 and some blurry faces. Another two guys (?) and a female. I hope it's Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美.

Dachou Club. Morons.

Degawa. Oh please.

Udo Suzuki.

Eiko Kano.

Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎.



Yoshio Kojima.


Wakky again.

Udo again.

The greatest SASUKE comedian of them all, Katsumi Yamada.





And that's it!

See you on January 1st!

The Meeting


Several years ago, TBS and Monster 9 brought together six men from different walks of life to form Captain Planet Voltron, Defender of the Universe The New Monkees The SASUKE All-Stars!

MN: Makoto Nagano
TT: Toshihiro Takeda
SY: Shingo Yamamoto
KA: Kazuhiko Akiyama
KY: Katsumi Yamada


SY: Look, I'm just saying that we shouldn't baby him and tell him straight up what's going on.

KA: Is he here? I can't tell.

MN: I know but you know how he can ge..

TT: Shh..he's coming.

KY: Hey guys! I was wondering where you all were! I thought you were hiding from me again! Like that game we always play where all of you go off somewhere without telling me and I have to search for you and...

MN: Um..yeah. That game. We were playing that game again Katsumi. Look, we need to talk. Sit down.

KY: Sure! Is this about the spray? I know I didn't send as much as before bu..

TT: I think we have enough spray Katsumi.

KY: Are you sure? I think there's an expiration date on the cans somewhere. I have one in my pocket right now. Let me take a...

SY: Katsumi. We don't want to talk about the spray.

KA: Huh? What? Is everyone here? You guys have to move a bit closer. I can hear you but I can't see you.

KY: Oh. OK. Well, what's up?

SY: Makoto?

MN: Well, actually, there are two things we have to talk about. Or rather, two people. First of all, we know that Bunpei has been injured recently and it looks more and more like he may not be able to compete anymore.

KY: That's a shame that. I keep telling him to try to use the spray on his back but he never does.

MN: Um. Right. Well, the boys at Monster 9 gave us a suggestion and we think it's a good one. At least something we'll try out for a bit.

KY: We're disbanding the All-Stars??? Oh no!

TT: No, we're not disbanding.

KY: Alright! We're getting the band back together! Woo-hoo! World tour here we come!!

SY: Huh? We never broke up. What the hell are you talking about you freaking mor..

MN: What Shingo is trying to say is that we're not breaking up or getting back together. We're going to try to insert some new blood into the All-Stars. We all have our distinct personalities and occupations and whatnot.

TT: Right. Makoto is like the all-around guy. Shingo is the goofy guy.

SY: Toshihiro is the talented choker.

*Shingo and Toshihiro glare at each other*

MN: Err..Bunpei is the deceptively athletic guy. Kazuhiko and you are the power guys.

KY: OK. I think I understand. So they want us to try to keep the same make-up of the group? Get in some fresh faces, eh?

MN: Exactly. But we want to keep the number at six. So if Bunpei is out we had to find someone who sort of is like him. And we think we found someone. Hey, Yuuji?


Yuuji Urushihara: Hello, sirs!

KY: Shoe guy? Really? Are you sure about that? Because you know, I've trained quite a few guys in the past and...

TT: He has a name, Katsumi. And no, we don't really think your trainees are quite up to snuff..yet.

KY: C'mon. You know you guys just want the free shoes he can get you. It's gotta be the shoes, right?

SY: What the hell was that?

KA: Is there someone else in here? What does "Money, it's gotta be the shoes" mean?

MN: Yuuji has proven himself admirably thus far. Right, Yuuji? We're not just using him for shoes.

YU: That's right Mr. Nagano sir!

MN: Oh, and Yuuji, do you have these in black? That's more my color.

YU: I'll check in the back sir!

KY: Well, OK. Shoe guy it is. But you said two people?

TT: Hitoshi, you can come in now.


Hitoshi Kanno: Awww yeeaaah! Check me out! You know who should join the Self-Defense Force?

TT: Um, no. Who?

HK: Me! Cuz check out these guns! Pow pow!

TT: ...

MN: ...

SY: ...

KA: What? Who's there?

HK: Blam! Blam!

YU: Does anyone need socks to try on their shoes first?

KY: Oh. OK. But said you wanted to keep it at six? If Shoe Guy is replacing Bunpei then who is um..Gun Guy re...OH NO!

MN: So you get it?

KY: Kazuhiko?!?!? You guys are so mean! I mean I know Kazuhiko is blind as a bat but..

KA: Who said that? Katsumi? Who called me blind? I dare you to call me that to my face. But like, can you move closer to my face so I can see you?

MN: Umm..

SY: See, I told you.

KY: Chill out K-Man! I'm gonna save you from these bullies!

TT: Argh. We're not kicking Kazuhiko out.

KY: Huh? Then who? Obviously Kanno is a power guy.

HK: Zap! Bzzzap! Bzzzap!

MN: Bzzap?

HK: Laser guns!

MN: ...

*The All-Stars who can see all turn to look at Yamada*

MN: Katsumi, there's no easy way to say this...

KY: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. After all the spray I've given you guys? Even after all that?

SY: This has nothing to do with the spray Katsumi. You know it's been ten straight times you've failed the 1st Stage, right?

KY: Kazuhiko has been sucking for a while too you know!

KA: OK, that's definitely Katsumi. Move your face closer to my fist so I can bop you one!

TT: He's made the 2nd Stage a lot more recently than you have.

KY: But I'm the face of SASUKE! I'm Mr. SASUKE! MR. SASUKE! You can't kick me out!

YU: Serves you right for dissing me, old man.


YU: Err..Do you need extra laces with that sir?

MN: Katsumi, it's embarrassing. We cheer you on. We give you advice. We do everything we can for you. It's time to move on.

KY: NO! OK! I KNOW! Umm..we can all wear masks! Like a bunch of luchadors! The SASUKE Vilanos! Or the Killer SASUKES! Then, Makoto will run instead of me and then at the end we switch places before the interview and then I'll unmask and everyone will be like "Wow!" and...

TT: That's not going to work.

KY: It will!

SY: It won't.

HK: Bang! Bang!

KY: I'm gonna tell Mr. Higuchi!

MN: It was his idea Katsumi. Look, you'll still get invited to the show. You'll still be Mr. SASUKE. You just won't be an All-Star. I think it'll be good for you. Less pressure.

KY: NO! I wanna be an All-Star! I wanna! Fine then! I retire!

TT: Right now?

KY: Um..Yes! No! After the next show! If I can't pass the 1st Stage I'll retire!

MN: You don't have to do th...

KY: I'm gonna call Mr. Higuchi right now and tell him to put it in all the magazines and on the websites and I'm gonna tell everyone what a bunch of meanies you are and *sob sob sob sob*

MN: Why don't we go outside and calm down...

*Nagano, Takeda, Yamamoto and Akiyama take Yamada outside*

YU: Are they gone?

HK: Blam! I mean, yeah.

YU: Good. And now our plan is starting to come together! Soon we will oust all the All-Stars and replace them with new blood! Buahahahahahaha!

HK: Buahahahahaha! Did you like my cover character? Check out these guns!

YU: Yeah, that was great. Now help me put these shoes away.

See you at SASUKE 24!

(Photos courtesy of Rambling Rican)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer! The Aftermath!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. A heartwarming Christmas tale of discrimination and alienation. But although the Rankin/Bass special had a happy ending what happened after the cameras were off?


Realizing that he had something that Santa desperately needed, Rudolph and his agent Scott Boras held out for a new contract prior to Christmas 1997. Santa relented and gave Rudolph a 10-year $252 million contract. In 2007 Rudolph retired a rich reindeer (although not as rich as he could have been due to a costly divorce from Clarice in 2003 when it was revealed that Rudolph had several does on the side). As a going away present he bought Santa a pair of headlights for his sleigh with a note saying "Get into the modern age fatso."

Fireball never patched up his friendship with Rudolph. When Rudolph became a success the other reindeer noticed the "weird buck with the blond hair" and tormented Fireball relentlessly. Furthermore, his parents would constantly compare him to Rudolph giving him even more of an inferiority complex. Fireball now fronts an emo band that is "going to make it big any day now. Have you seen our myspace page?"


Like Rudolph, Hermey was able to retire to a life of luxury. Being the only dentist in the area, he was able to charge whatever he wanted for treatment and the other elves, having been denied health insurance by Santa years ago, went broke trying to pay for his outrageous fees. Currently Hermey is in Washington D.C. lobbying to prevent health care reform.


Comet was fired as reindeer coach after a buck died during a hazing incident.


The Spotted Elephant was not long for this world when it was discovered that the spots were actually cancerous.


A Dolly for Sue had psychological problems that manifested themselves soon after leaving the Island. A gender reversed account of her life after the Island was later made into the "Child's Play" movie series.


Hermey's Immediate Supervisor was later found dead in the showers with a knife sticking out of his back with a note next to him saying "Sing THIS a$$hole."


As of late Santa has been besieged by human rights activists who are protesting his exploitation of "little people" and by animal rights activists over his treatment of his reindeer. Santa was caught on tape saying "Well, I know who's getting coal in their stockings this year," a quote which later got him in hot water with environmentalists who are now protesting his reckless waste of fossil fuels. Santa later said in an interview "Better elves than a bunch of Chinese slave children, amiright?" which led to...

Yeah yeah. Not the strongest of posts. This originally was going to be a liveblog ala the It's A Wonderful Life one but I just wasn't up for it. The "Where are they now?" part was always going to be the end of the liveblog so I decided to just go for it. Some ideas were a little more NSFW in the beginning (think Santa and "To Catch a Predator") but I scrapped them. So forget this post and go over to Medium-Large (he writes Sally Forth!) and peruse the Christmas strips. Some are new. Some are reruns. But all are much much funnier than what I have up above.

Sportsman No. 1 2010 Competitors スポーツマンNO.1決定戦2010

Not much information out there yet but I just wanted to put this up to remind myself:

So far...

EDIT: Wow. This is an interesting list.


Masaki Nomura 野村将希
Yukio Iketani 池谷幸雄
Makoto Nagano 長野誠
Wakky ワッキー
Naoki Iketani 池谷直樹
Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟
Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩
Texas Takeda 竹田テキサス (Dangan Jockey)(弾丸ジャッキー)
Chiro チロ (Bignsmalln)(ビックスモールン)
Orakio Matsuyuki 松雪オラキオ (Dangan Jockey)(弾丸ジャッキー)
Ryo Shirai 白井涼
Mitsuomi Takahashi 高橋光臣
Shouta Minami 南翔太
Riki Miura 三浦力
Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和
Kazuya Matsunaga 松永一哉
Kouhei Mori 森公平 (Shinsengumi Rien)(新選組リアン)
Hiroya Kunisada 國定拓弥 (Shinsengumi Rien)(新選組リアン)
Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 (Shinsengumi Rien)(新選組リアン)
Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 (Shinsengumi Rien)(新選組リアン)
Jun Yamaguchi 山口純 (Shinsengumi Rien)(新選組リアン)
Yoshiaki Kanemura 金村義明
Yasuei Yakushiji 薬師寺保栄
Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸
Leszek Blanik レゼク・ブラニク
Shunsuke Itou 伊藤俊亮
Daisuke Miyazaki 宮崎大輔
Hiroyasu Tanaka 田中浩康
Hiroki Kitagawa 北川智規
Junichi Miyashita 宮下純一
Kimitake Satou 佐藤公威
Kairi Kouchi 高智海吏
Akihito Yamada 山田章仁
Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋

Saturday, December 12, 2009

SASUKE 2010 Competitors

Information is slowly coming in and I just picked me up one of them fancy TV magazines so I gots me some names.

(12/16: Updated with more names via TV Guide TVガイド)

(12/25: Updated more names via Yahoo! TV Guide)

(12/28: Navi stuff added)

So far...

Makoto Nagano 長野誠
Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩
Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦
Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟
Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己

Lee En Chi リー・エンチ

New Star:
Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志
Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治

Yoshio Kojima 小島よしお
Hori ホリ
Korikki Choshu 長州小力
Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道
Katsuhiro Higo 肥後克広 (Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部)
Jimon Terakado 寺門ジモン (Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部)
Ryuhei Ueshima 上島竜兵 (Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部)
Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木 (Kyai~n キャイ〜ン)
Takeshi Nadagi  なだぎ武
Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰 (Audrey オードリー)
Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭 (Audrey オードリー)
Akira Omori 大森晃
Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗
Eiko Kano 狩野英孝
Nocchi ノッチ
Hanawa はなわ
Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野
Tetsuya Nakamoto 中本哲也 (Tetsu and Tomo テツandトモ)
Tomoyuki Ishizawa 石澤智幸 (Tetsu and Tomo テツandトモ)
Jun Itoda 井戸田潤 (Speed Wagon スピードワゴン)
Rie Komiya 小宮理英
Satomi Kadoi 門井佐登美
Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光
Takuya Kawahara 川原拓也
Spinboy Aichi 大野愛地
Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一
Kuruo Hatoyama 鳩山来留夫
Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 (Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアン)
Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 (Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアン)
Masahiro Inoue (Kamen Rider Decade) 井上正大
Keisuke Katou (Kamen Rider Ixa) 加藤慶祐
Harumi Edo エド・はるみ
Kenjiro Ishimaru 石丸謙二郎
Hosshan ほっしゃん
Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎
Wakky ワッキー

Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸
Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史
Genki Sudo 須藤元気
Sachiyo Yamada 山田幸代
Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦
Yukio Iketani 池谷幸雄
Naoki Iketani 池谷直樹
Paul ANTHONY Terek
Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行
Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋

SASUKE "famous"
Katsuhide Torisawa 鳥澤克秀
Yasuo Aoki 青木保夫
Minoru Kuramochi 倉持稔
Masami Harashima 原島雅美

According to Katsuhide Torisawa's blog post, Bunpei was there only to cheer on the others due to an injury.

More as information trickles in...

SASUKE 2010, Sportsman No. 1, DOORS

Quick and dirty:

SASUKE Navi (SASUKEナビ) will be on December 28th, 2009 (12月28日) from 11:00 to 11:50 on TBS (and thankfully my local affiliate).
SASUKE 23 (SASUKE 2009秋) will be re-aired in select markets on December 29th, 2009 (12月29日) from 12:00 to 14:54 on TBS (but not my local affiliate. Boo!)
The SASUKE History Special (SASUKE 歴史的決戦) will be on January 1st, 2010 (1月1日) from 16:36 to 17:15 on TBS (or your local affiliate).
SASUKE 2010 will be on January 1st, 2010 (1月1日) from 17:45 to 23:24 on TBS (or your local affiliate).

Sportsman No. 1 will be on January 7th, 2010 (1月7日) from 19:55 to 22:48 on TBS. This is not a regular Sportsman No. 1 competition. It is going to be a history show/retrospective plus a 50 man Monster Box competition.

DOORS 2009  Winter will be on December 28, 2009 (12月28日) from 18:30 to 23:14 on TBS.

More news as it filters in.