Friday, January 01, 2010

SASUKE 2010! The Sort of Live Blog! SASUKE2010元日! SASUKE 24!

SASUKE 2010! For the first time ever we are having a New Years Day broadcast! They've promised that something will happen tonight! Will an All-Star complete SASUKE? Will a New Star? Will it be a new face? Another new hero? Will Mr. SASUKE retire? We'll find out tonight!

SASUKE!

In 2009! Two men made it to the Final Stage! Makoto Nagano! Hitoshi Kanno!

That brings us to today! SASUKE 2010!

Celebrities! All-Stars! New Stars! Medalists! They are all there for SASUKE!

Spin that logo!

YOU MUST SIGN IN FIRST! Takeda is walking! Akiyama is staring! Shingo is walking! Nagano is staring! Shingo and Takeda and Nagano are talking!

Everybody! Raise your hands! SASUKE!

1st Stage!

130 meters to the goal!

1. Nobuyuki Kishi 岸宣之! He's first! Steps. OK! New Area! X-Bridge! OK! Log Grip coming up. Drop..NO! That's it for him!

2. Takashi Shiromizu 白水貴. Steps...stuck..wait for it. That's it for him!

3. Jun Itoda of Speed Wagon 井戸田潤! Here he goes. Slowly. Steps. Almost...no..Yes! X-Bridge is no problem. Log Grip. Drop. NO! Speed Wagooooooooooon!

4. Get your apron off man! Kyoichi Oosawa 大澤京一! Steps. OK! X-Bridge. Slipped at the end but he's OK! Log Grip...YES! Jumping Spider...NO!

5. Nakatani Mochi guy! Er..Mitsuo Nakatani 中谷充男!Hayai! Steps..er. Thanks for playing!

Oh jeez. Are Tetsu and Tomo going to do a whole song? Hurry up.

6. Tetsu (Of Tetsu and Tomo). Steps. Whoa...NO! Will he dance? I guess you can do it like that.

7. Katsuhide Torisawa 鳥澤克秀 RUNS INTO THE MONSTER BOX! But that was in the past. Today....NO! Torisawa! Ah. His foot slipped on the last step. Kuyashii ne!

9. No eight? Karateka Ichiro Sugita 杉田一朗 gets off to a bad start when he doesn't break all the plates. Then goes across the steps..slowly. It doesn't help!

10. Dachou Club! ダチョウ倶楽部! Oh jeez. Jimon Terakado 寺門ジモン! Steps! Jimooonnnnnnn!

11. Ryuhei Ueshima 上島竜兵. Don't expect much here. Aw jeez. More schtick. And more schtick. And he whiffs on the first step! OK, they'll do the water pump thing. That was special.

Noriaki Kinoshita 木下典明! He has no number. He plays American Football. He's number 1. That's his jersey number. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip..ochimashita! Ochimashita!

Audrey is up next!

13. Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭 of Audrey! Steps! Yes! Barely though. X-Bridge is no problem. Log Grip. Taking his time. Here he goes. And he's out at the drop! Oh my kamisama!

14. Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰 of Audrey! Here he goes. He does the slow step again..then speeds up! NO! Um. Yeah. Thanks guys.

15. Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美 of the Muscle Musical! Slowly. Steps! Yes! X-Bridge is no problem! Log Grip. NO! She lost it at the very end! Rie Komiya freaks out!

16. Mr. Narcissist Eiko Kano 狩野英孝 is next. In his white suit...that will inevitably get dirty. And there it is! Steps and that's all.

12. Jyunichi Onuma 大沼純一 fails the steps.

Yosakoi guy Yuuto Totani 戸谷勇斗fails the steps too.

A guy doing Tora-san (Gozealla Hisayama ゴジーラ久山) fails at the steps!

Manabu Kishi 岸学 of Dokidoki Camp fails the steps!

44. Choshu Korikki 長州小力 fails!

21. Kojima Yoshio 小島よしお! Does his schtick! Steps! X-Bridge! Log Grip coming up. He failed here before. He's not going to get it. And he doesn't! I'm a genius! He must be cold.

22. Push pull guy Mitsuaki Tanaka 田中光明! Steps. Wai...yes! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Hahaha. He blew up doing his intro. Log Grip! NO! Yarisugi!

23. Spinboy Aichi Ono 大野愛地 of the Muscle Musical. Steps! Yes! X-Bridge. OK! Log Grip. Can he do it? Gets set. Ye..YES! Jumping Spider. Set. Ready. GO! NO! Don't laugh Yukio Iketani.

28. Youhei Uchino 内野洋平! He's a pro BMX rider. Steps! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider. Can he be the first? NO! Awkward jump leads to an awkward landing. Yes! It's different from bike riding.

30. Genki Sudo 須藤元気! Pops and locks for our pleasure. Steps. Yes! Better than last time! X-Bridge! Log Grip. NO! He was almost there!

31. Ryuusuke Itou 伊藤隆佑! He's a TBS announcer! He was an announcer. I think he quit to become a football player. Steps. X-Bridge. I forget. Log Grip coming up. Wait. He's still an announcer. Log Grip! News 3! Jumping Spider! Whiiiiiiiiiiif! Itouuuuuuuuuu!

35. Adamo-chan アダモちゃん (Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎). Oh god. Steps and yeah, did you expect more than that? At least he didn't break his head on the steps.

40. Masahiro Inoue 井上正大! He is Kamen Rider Decade! Here he goes. Steps. X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. Take that stupid towel off. Log Grip. NO! He fell at the drop. And the fangirls are sad.

Let's see the Slider Jump!

Because Yauso Aoki 青木保夫 has made a model of it! To dream the impossible dream!

Here he goes. Steps. Or rather step.

34. Masami Harashima 原島雅美 hasn't taken off his stage pass. And it doesn't matter! The steps and that's all.

Minoru Kuromochi 倉持稔. Is..going..slowly...on..the steps. Oh jeez, we just saw more of the Takotencho than we ever needed to.

Sachiyo Yamada 山田幸代! She is a pro lacrosse player. And was on KUNOICHI! Steps. X-Bridge..NO! Wait. She's still alive! Yes! Log Grip. Crowd chant. No!

41. Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦! He is a silver medalist! Here he goes..but let's go to our first commercial break instead!

CMs.

Back.

Steps! OK! X-Bridge. Log Grip. OK! Can he be the first? Jumping Spider. NO! He didn't get his hands up in time!

Housewife Simonetta Kovacs-Takizawa 滝沢コバーチ・シモネッタ fails the steps. Baker guy Kazuhiro Oikawa 老川和宏 goes on the Log Grip. Mailman Yoshinori Suzuki 鈴木由則 mails it in at the steps. Actor Kazuma Sano 佐野和真 meets his match on the Log Grip and Hori ホリ can't hack it on the Log Grip too.

47. STQER IN THE HOUSE! Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広! Steps. X-Bridge! Log Grip! He has the talent to do this! Go1 Jumping Spider is no problem! Half-Pipe Attack! Had to go back but he's through! Soritatsu Kabe! YES! ONE TIME! Slider Jump. Kiiroi gate! YES! YES! GO GO GO GO GO! On the net. Kawa-guchi! Jikan aruzou! Tarzan Jump! Rope Ladder! YES YES YES YES! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's one. His wife hasn't turned on the tears yet.

16.10 left according to the digital information!

Woot!

48. Back to the suck with Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野. Gets! Steps and that's all the gets he's gonna get.

49. Dylan McKay Takeshi Nadagi なだぎ武! Steps. Yes! X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. At the drop! And that's it for him. He didn't bring an extra pair of pants.

50. Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋 of the Bay Stars! Steps. Whopos. BLAZES across the X-Bridge. Log Grip. Ishikawa Takehiroooooooooooo! Use your legs on the Log Grip, man. Use your legs.

Let's see those who are left! Soccer players. Brothers and All-Stars!

50 have tried! One has passed! One shall pass!

51. Kenjiro Ishimaru 石丸謙二郎! He's come so close in the past. Can he do it this time? Steps. But let's hit a commercial first.

Back.

Steps! OK! X-Bridge is no problem! Log Grip. Yes! That was weird the way it dropped just now. Jumping Spider. NO! Course Out! He missed his landing then landed in the area right in front of the trampoline. Darn.

55. Harumi Edo エド・はるみ! Let's go! Steps. Wait. Not yet. More schtick. First step! And out!

Oh please. Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美 got just as far as Komiya last time!

Rie Komiya 小宮理英 is next! Whoa! Almost didn't get through the steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Ha! Take that! Tomomi went further.

Kazuhiko Akiyama is up next! It's the Scorpions Mission!

61 have tried! One has passed!

62. Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦 and his crabs are ready! Steps. Slowly. X-Bridge. OK! Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider coming up. He's had trouble here. YES! Spider Walk! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Makes sure he doesn't fall on the blank ala Shingo. Soritatsu Kabe. First try. NO! NO! One more chance. NO! Argh. He's blown up. Time is going red. Argh. Time Up! Dammit. It felt good at the beginning. Whoa. He was really close to slipping on the Half-Pipe Attack. Those are some well-prepared eyebrows.

It's monomane time.

Kuruo Hatoyama 鳩山来留夫 is up first! Steps! Almost. NO!!!!!

Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Nocchi ノッチ as Obama is up next! Steps. Yes, we can! X-Bridge. Yes, we can! If the announcer is going to run the joke into the ground so will I. Log Grip. Yes! We can..not! At least the announcer learned how to do it this time. He screwed it up last time.

Veteran comedian Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木 is up next. But first a commercial or two.

Let's shill the keitai website. 315 yen a month!

Back.

Udo Suzuki...Steps. Slowly. Frankenstein monster-esque here. Um. OK. Yes! Fina...oh wait. He couldn't hold on.

Let's see that again.

Keisuke Katou 加藤慶祐 fails the Log Grip. Vegetable stand guy Hirohisa Okuda 奥田洋久 fails the steps. Fishermonger Naoya Akita 秋田直也fails the X-Bridge. Strawberry farmer Shuichi Furusawa 吉澤秀一 fails the Jumping Spider. Actor Takeshi Uchida 内田岳志 fails the Log Grip. Hanawa はなわ fails the steps.

64. Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一! He's with the Muscle Musical. Steps! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! He looks like he's wearing old Japanese man underwear. He passed the Jumping Spider by the way. Half- Pipe Attack is no problem! Soritatsu Kabe on the first try. Slider Jump coming up. Yes! He goes over. And DROPS into the net. Ouch. Tarzan Jump! He's got lots of time! Rope Ladder. Yes! 16.21 left!

That's two! Out of 64. And he's number 64! Wow! What are the odds! That was unexpected.

72. Muscle Park staff member Ryouji Higa 比嘉良二 ! He's the SASUKE Park demonstrator! Steps. X-Bridge. Yes! Log Grip. They don't have that there. Yes! Jumping Spider. NO! You have to jump forward. Not straight up into the air! They don't have that at SASUKE Park!

Hosshan ほっしゃん! Is next. Here he goes. Steps. Yes...NO!

Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗 is next! And the shirt goes off! Steps and that will be it I bet. Slowly. Again, my genius at work people! That must have been earlier in the day since the All-Stars were still in the stands.

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥! He passed last time! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. Yes! A little awkward Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe coming..FIRST TRY! Wait for me dammit! Slider Jump. Yes! He goes the under. Good boy. Lots of time left. Tarzan Jump. Rope Ladder! Yes! With 20.00 left! He's two for two on the first stage! 20.02 to be exact.

The New Stars are a bit nervous.

Shinsengumi Rien 新撰組リアンis up next.

75. Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 is first. Steps. OK! X-Bridge. Log Grip! JUST MADE IT! Jumping Spider. Ike! NO!

76. Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 is up next. Steps. Mr. SASUKE is coming up soon! But first, a commercial.

Back.

Steps. Yes. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. He failed here last time. He's up! And. NO! Course Out!

Kouhei Kato 加藤康平 fails the Log Grip. Kota Honma 本間晃汰 fails the Jumping Spider. Ya Takahashi 高橋矢 fails the X-Brdge. Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和 of the Muscle Musical fails the Half-Pipe Attack. Actor Masataka Kubota 窪田正孝 fails the Log Grip.

Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光of the Muscle Musical times out at the Soritatsu Kabe.

78. STQER in the house! Jun Sato 佐藤惇! Steps. SASUKE New Generation! X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Did he hurt his wrist? Jumping Spider! New Generation! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. One time! Slider Jump next. Yes! He goes over. No listens to me. Lots of time left. Tarzan Jump. Rope Ladder. Lots of time. Don't force it. Slowly. Yes!

78 have tried! Four have passed! Did he hurt his shoulder?

Uh oh. It's Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己bashing time! Let's see him cry and work part-time. Last time was 10! The magic is gone really. Making fun of him is like shooting fish in a barrel. Big fish. Big, dead fish. Not even in a barrel. Just kind of lying on the floor in front of me.

Cue that MUSASHI music. Let the lyrics play man! Let the lyrics play!

What to do if he passes. Do I break out the hard liquor? Do I give up blogging forever? Who will it be? Me or him?

Oooh..so close to the lyrics. Steps. But first, a word from our sponsor.

Back. Steps. Whoa..close. X-Bridge is a clear. Log Grip. And he's through. Jumping Spider. He's through. Half-Pipe Attack. Oh boy. Soritatsu Kabe. First try. NO! Gets set. Hurry up dumb ass. NO! One more chance. And that famous Yamada gumption comes into play as he takes his time.

Kanno is worried. Yuuji is either bored or is thinking the same thing I am right now.

And that's it. OH CRAP! He's died! He's died on the course! A fitting end! Oh wait. He's still breathing. Cue the EXTREMELY dramatic music.

Really, there are no words at this point. Dead. Fish. On. The. Floor.

Nagano comforts Katsumi as he cries. Again. No sympathy from me. I can't help it.

Cue the Kull music! It's Wakky ワッキー!

Steps. As everything went really quiet for some reason. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Wakky! Wakky! Ita! Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Slowly. Half-Pipe Attack. NO! He overshot the platform. Hrm. Ah. His hands slipped off the rope.

80 have tried! Four have passed! It's getting dark!

Cue some fairly dramatic guitar music.

81. Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸! He's a soccer player. It's his first time but he gets a theme song. Go figure. Fame. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. NO! He wasn't prepared for the drop. As are many newcomers. Eh, that's life. Will any of the athletes live up to their athletic promise!

The American Monster! The King of Athletes!

82. Paul ANTHONY Terek ポール・A・テレック! Steps. He got a new theme song. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Jesus, he's bigger than the log. Jumping Spider. Yes! Uh oh. Slipping. A little dangerous here. Slowly. I think it's too small for him. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. No problem! The course is too small for him. It's not fair! Slider Jump. Wait...he's stuck. Uh oh. Uh oh. NO!

Hey, you need to use your momentum. And Paul gets no interview. Damn. That's harsh.

84. Hey! It's Washimi Yuuji 鷲見裕二! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. OK! Jumping Spider. Yes! No problem! Half-Pipe Attack. Overshot. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. NO! First try fails. Yes! Slider Jump up next. Yes! He's at the upper half so he goes over. Lots of time. He won't be getting fastest time though. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder. Uh oh. Maybe not that much time. Time is going red. Go! Go! WHOA! .92 left! Girigiri!

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司is next! Yet another STQer. Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. No problem! Jumping Spider. Yes! Hashimoto Koji! Half-Pipe Attack. Soritatsu Kabe. Yes! No problem! Slider Jump. Yes! He's at the top so he goes over. Lots of time left. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder! He's going to do it! Yes! With 11.37 left!

Let's see that again so that we can hear more MUSASHI.

87. Monkiki or Monkickey or Akira Omori モンキッキー (大森晃)! Whatever. After a long lay-off he failed the Jumping Spider last time. Steps but let's hit a commercial first.

Back.

Steps. WHAT??????? What happened? Hey, don't laugh until you go Yukio Iketani.

88. Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史! Steps. X-Bridge. Hayai! Log Grip. Taking a while to get set. NO! Darn. I had high hopes for him. The drop always kills 'em.

Naoki Iketani tries to trick his brother by giving him bad advice.

Check that Japan in the 90s hair he had.

88 have tried! Six have passed!

89. Yukio Iketani 池谷幸雄! He's a former Olympic medalist. Steps. Whoa. Almost lost it. And again! But he's safe. Log Grip. He failed here before. And he couldn't hold on long enough! And there's that famous Naoki Iketani smirk.

Can Mr. Monster Box do it? He's been in a bit of a SASUKE slump. He also looks like he's wearing old man underwear.

90. Naoki Iketani 池谷直樹! Steps. X-Bridge. Whoa. OK. Log Grip. No problem. I think he has more upper body strength than his brother. Jumping Spider. He slips on the Spider Walk. Ouch. Did he just slam his head into the board? Tomomi Arimatsu, Satomi Kadoi and Sae Matsushita of the Muscle Musical react! Let's take a commercial break to ponder that.

Back.

On the Spider Walk. He's OK! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe! First try. Wait. No. No! Don't give up! Gads, Yukio is SUCH an older brother.

Let's get some commentary from Yukio.

Iketani timed out by the way.

Hey, it's the theme to Legend of the Condor Heroes!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe! Sasuga desu! Slider Jump. Lots of time. Yes! At the half-way where I think they should go under but hey, I'm not the one there. Tarzan Rope. Lots of time. Whoa. And a light tap gets him through!

4.13 left!

Up next! New Hero Yuuji Urushihara! Cue the Grand Theme from Blood +!

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. Yes! Jumping Spider up next. Yes! Nice compact jump. Half-Pipe Attack coming up. Chotto Abunai! But it's the shoes! First try on the Soritatsu Kabe! Slider Jump. He's at the upper half so he goes over. Lots of time. Tarzan Rope. Is it raining? Huh, he took the rope stand with him! And that's it! With 24.35 left!

94. Kenji Takahashi 高橋賢次! The Kongo Exress! Yikes, already up to the Log Grip. No problem. Jumping Spider! He lands with a solid thud. Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack coming up. Whoa! He almost missed. Soritatsu Kabe! First try! Slider Jump. He goes over because he can. Can he beat Yuuji's time? Don't think so. Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder. He'll be just short. 24.06 left!

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行! He's unconcerned with time! But first, some commercials.

Back.

Steps! OK! X-Bridge has proved very little challenge. Log Grip. OK! Jumping Spider. Yes! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes..wait..YES! Soritatsu Kabe coming up. Yes! Slider Jump. Yes! He's deceptively tall. He goes over. He kind of just reached out for it. Tarzan Rope. Still lots of time. But he shouldn't dawdle. Yes! No problems! And the crowd goes mild! They are probably cold. 6.15 left!

Takeda makes Shingo yelp from the slap on the back.

Lets go back in time as the chickens revolt.

96. Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟! Last time was the first time in a long time for Shingo to get to the 3rd Stage. Can he do it again tonight? Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. Yes! Jumping Spider. Yes! Spider Walk. Half-Pipe Attack as the Yama-moto chant starts. First time overshoots! Again! Yes! Soritatsu Kabe. Not much time. No! One more time! Yes! GO GO GO GO! Slider Jump. Yes! NO! DON'T GO OVER! HURRY UP! GO! Time is going red. NO! NO!

Well, at least he didn't get wet.

Shut up Sato.

Last time Hiromichi Sato finally got through to the 2nd Stage. Can he do it again?

96 have tried! 10 have passed!

97. Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip coming up. No problem. Jumping Spider. And he's through! Well, he's sort of through. We'll have to wait for this commercial to find out.

Back.

Half-Pipe Attack. No problem! Lots of time. Getting set. Soritatsu Kabe on the first try! Slider Jump. He goes over since he landed high. Faffing about in the net. Tarzan Rope. Someone is going nuts in the background. Rope Ladder. And that's it as the time goes red!

8.55 left!

Interview time as I use the wonders of technology to check on the people I missed.

97 have tried! 11 have succeeded!

98. Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩 and his orange pants! Steps. X-Bridge is not so extreme. Log Grip. Jumping Spider. I think he's trying to beat Yuuji's time. Jumping Spider is good! Half-Pipe Attack is next. Yes! Almost loses his balance on the plank. Soritatsu Kabe! Slider Jump! Lots of time but he won't beat Yuuji's time. Faffing about in the net. You can hear Nagano exhorting him on. Rope Ladder. Time will go red soon. Yes! 6.19 left!

Let's relive something we saw a minute ago. That's...a lot of labeling on his shirt.

And let's take a look at one of our finalists from 23.

99. Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志! Pow pow! Bzzap! Steps. Bang! X-Bridge. Log Grip. Boom! Jumping Spider. Half-Pipe Attack. Whoops. Try again! Uh oh. Lots of lost time. Soritatsu Kabe. NO! NO! NO! Uh oh. What's going on here? NO! Masaka! Masaka! Masaka! Yes! But does he have time? Jikan ga arimasen! Hurry! GO GO GO GO! DON'T GO..Oh. Good boy. NO! Time is going red! Hurry! No. NO! NO! NO!

Wow. That definitely deserves some dramatic music.

Let's relive his failure and shame. Yuuji tries to comfort him.

Nagano can't think of anything else except what he's going to do. Good man. Focus. You've got a job to do.

Cue Last Battle. Because it is the last man to run the 1st Stage tonight! Makoto Nagano!

100. Makoto Nagano 長野誠! Steps. X-Bridge is no longer EXTREME! Commercial first though.

Back!

100. Makoto Nagano! Steps. X-Bridge. Log Grip. OK! Jumping Spider up next. Yes! And he zips th....WHAT! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!? Oh wow. I know the man is human but...wow.

Yuuji can't believe. The wife can't believe it. Takeda can't believe it. His foot slipped right at the end. No. He missed the platform coming down. I think he was thinking ahead. Wow.

Baka mitai misu desu! Wow.

That was unexpected. So both of the last Finalists are out.

Let's watch as everyone warms up and gets ready for the 2nd Stage. Yuuji image trains on the Unstable Bridge.

2nd Stage

47. Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広 is up first! 85 seconds to clear. Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder is no problem! Unstable Bridge. At the second. Yes! NO! NO! He pulled Yuuji! He got through but didn't get his balance before trying to land.

Yuuji is all like "Dude, I soooo told you."

64. Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一! He's the last hope of the Muscle Musical (Sato doesn't count.) Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder is no problem. Unstable Bridge. At the second plank. Halfway but does he have time? Yes! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. NO! The classic Metal Spin fail! The mohawk is down! The mohawk is down!

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥! You're up next! Last time he failed the Salmon Ladder. Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Good rhythm. Unstable Bridge. Note that the Salmon Ladder goes straight into the Bridge. Bridge is no problem! Balance Tank is no problem! Metal Spin. WILL BE AFTER THESE MESSAGES!

Back.

Metal Spin. YES! Wall Lifting. 30! 40! 50! Yes! 19.5 left!

That's one! The show can go on!

78. Jun Sato 佐藤惇! He's a third-year high school student! Pass here and you'll go back to school in style! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. He failed here last time. The stoppers are gone from the Salmon Ladder bar. Doesn't have the rhythm. Time is running out. NO! Go back to school in shame boy! Shame!

84. Yuuji Washimi 鷲見裕二! He couldn't get past the Salmon Ladder before. Can he do it here? Good rhythm. He's through! Up to the Unstable Bridge. Second plank. Get set. Yes! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. NO! Washimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Metal Spin de retire! Darn.

He got past the Ladder only to get tripped up later.

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司! Let's see him at work first! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. YES! Unstable Bridge. Second Plank......YES! YES! Balance Tank up next. Yes! Metal Spin coming up but hey, why don't we take a commercial first?

Back!

Metal Spin coming up. Whoa! Yes! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 8.2 left! Mom and Dad are proud!

Two are through so far!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ is up next! Rocking his old school hair! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Good rhythm. Whoops! Back on track. Unstable Bridge. Yes! Balance Tank coming up. Whoa. Don't do that dude! Metal Spin. Yes! Wall Lifting coming up. 30! 40! 50! Yes! 10.4 left!

That's three!

93. Did he just refer to Yuuji as a leader? Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! Is next! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Rhythm. Revenge on the Bridge? Second plank. Slowly. Yes! Balance Tank next. Needs to pick it up though. Metal Spin. Yes! Go! GO! GO! GO! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 6.5 left!

The STQers cheer Yuuji on!

94. Kongu Takahashi 高橋賢次! He's never failed the 2nd Stage before! Downhill Jump, Salmon Ladder and Unstable Bridge are no problem! Neither is the Balance Tank! And then the Metal Spin! And score one for the Old School as Takahashi is through! 32.11 left! Wow!

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 is up next! That's four in a row for those keeping score at home. And five overall. Weird music for Okuyama. Downhill Jump. Yes! Good timing. Salmon Ladder. Yes! Unstable Brige up next. Taking his time. Yes! Did it cost him? Nice nipples there Okuyama. Balance Tank. Metal Spin coming up. Yes! Go! 30! 40! 50! 14.9 left!

Well now.

Next up is Hiromichi Sato! Let's see him train in some back alley. Do the neighbors know?

97. Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道! The kids are there. Go to bed! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder up next. Hrm. Struggling a bit. But he's through. Unstable Bridge. Second plank. And...he's through. Balance Tank up next. Does he have enough time? Metal Spin. Not much time. He's go..NO! He lost it!

And he disappoints his family once again.

Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩 is up next. But let's see Akiyama and Yamada time out at the Soritatus Kabe. And then Shingo time out at the Tarzan Rope. And the most surprising, Nagano banging the heck out of his head on the Jumping Spider.

98. Toshihiro Takeda! Must do this for the sake of the All-Stars! And to avenge the death of his sifu! Avenge his death Takeda! Avenge his death! Downhill Jump. Salmon Ladder. Unstable Bridge. Here he goes. Second plank. Yes! Clear! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin. Look at that smile. Yes! 30! 40! 50! Yes! 10.7 left! All-Stars shindenai!

Let's take a look at the 3rd Stage. The 2nd Obstacle is new, the Rope Junction. No conjunctions involved I guess.

No time limit here.

The Magnificent Seven!

73. Naoya Tajima 田島直弥 is up first! Arm Rings is no problem. Rope Junction. At the middle. And he's through! Yes! Devil Steps up next. Good pace. At the turn. And he's through! SASUKE Spray time. Shin-Cliff Hanger up next. SASUKE Next Generation. At the slant. Yes! He's through! This is the tough part. The Jumping Bars into the Hang Climbing with no time to rest. One. Two. Three. Four! And now to the Hang Climbing. Ikeru ikeru! Good pace. No legs on the Spider Flip climb. At the jump now. Can he do it? Don't stick your leg out too far. Yes! He's got it! And It's time for the Gliding Ring. Here we go. NO! Pay attention to what you are doing man. Time to rest. On the Green Bar of Safety. But first, a commercial.

Back.

Even the All-Stars are amazed at his ability to not use his legs going into the Spider Flip. That's some serious arm time.

Back to the Green Bar of Safety. Here we go. Wait. DON'T STAND UP! NO! NO! D'oh.

Mottainai (What a waste) is expressed by Nagano and Takeda.

That ever observant soul Kongu Takahashi points out that he didn't get the ring over the stopper before trying to start. Rookie mistake.

He apologizes to the girlfriend after that.

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司 is up next! Arm Rings. OK! Rope Junction next. OK! Mom and Dad cheer him on! Devil Steps. At the turn. And he's through! Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. Here he goes. At the slant. Yes! Jumping Bars next. Taking his time. One! Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing next. He can use his feet if he wants to. OK! No problem! Spider Flip plank. Struggling a bit though. Ganbare! Yes! Mom can't watch! Yes! Going to the Gliding Ring! Wow! What a run. On the Green Bar of Safety. Probably should have shaved his pits. Everyone's watching man. Take your time. Take your time. CMs.

Back.

Here he goes. Swinging. Swinging. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Somehow I don't think he was in the pool.

Mom and dad are happy! Everyone is pumped!

Mom is crying!

That's one!

92. Lee En Chi リー・エンチ is next! Arm Rings. Rope Junction. Irony would be for the climber to fail here. At the middle. OK. Devil Steps. He's looking pretty blown up already. Devil Steps. At the turn. OK! Shin-Cliff Hanger is next. Nagano cheers him on. Yuuji is anxious. He's up next. This is where he stopped last time. At the slant. YES! WOW! NO PROBLEM! Jumping Bars coming up. Then the Hang Climbing which he shouldn't have a problem with. One. Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing. But hey, let's take a break first.

CMs.

Back.

Hang Climbing. He shouldn't have a problem here but can he get through the Spider Flip plank? Slowly. Slowly. Yes. At the rest area. This is taking it's toll on him. Getting set. Here he goes. Ready. Turning. YES! WHOA WHOA! YES! Abunakatta! Yes! Can there be two? We're not playing by Highlander rules here, people.

Here he goes. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMIGOD!

And now! Let's have an interview in multiple languages! Yes!

I believe Lee is the first foreign finalist since Kane Kosugi and Jordan Shortlegs in SASUKE 8.

Looks like the older folks are a bit nervous seeing these youngsters going the Final. Get off their lawn!

Let's see Yamada blow off Yuuji again and relish the situation, shall we?

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! He's the leader of the new generation of SASUKE stars! Arm Rings. That's a lot of advertising on his shirt. Rope Junction. Yes! Devil Steps. At the turn. OK!

Takeda keeps covering his ears when the announcer says that he is the last hope of the All-Stars.

Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. At the slant. Mondai arimasen! Stretching and some SASUKE Spray. Jumping Bars. One. Two. Three. Four! Hang Climbing coming up. That running jump he took on the bars was a bit scary. Hang Climbing is no problem. Spider Flip coming up. Wow. Takeda has to be feeling the pressure. Rest time. Here he goes. Or not. Take your time. We're in no rush. YES! Although he almost slipped like Lee. But he's to the Green Bar of Safety! Kitsui ne! Getting the ring ready. Here he goes. But let's take a break first.

Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. HERE HE GOES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Nagano goes to relax Takeda. The STQers go nuts. The All-Stars golf clap.

Wow.

Three to the Final Stage? And Takeda is really really feeling the pressure.

94. Kongu Takahashi 高橋賢次 is up next! Arm Rings are no problem. Rope Conjunction up next. Woot. That was fast. Koji gets lots of airtime now that he's a finalist. Devil Steps. At the turn. No problems here. Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. Break time for Kongu. At the slant. He does the patented Kongu Cross.

Jumping Bars coming up. One. Two. Three. Four! Straight into the Hang Climbing. Through! Getting to the Spider Flip. Wow. TBS is setting us up for something or nothing from Takeda. He looks like he's going to cry. Getting ready. Yes! Woooo.. Everyone is JUST doing it tonight. Now on the Green Bar of Safety. Does he have it in him? Gliding Ring time.

Swinging. Swinging. Commercial.

Back.

Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YES! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! Kongu will sex the landing pad right now! WHO WANTS TO SEX KONGU?

"The Love Theme of Kongu" plays while he is interviewed. His wife is in tears. And now Kongu is in tears.

Meanwhile, the torture of Toshihiro Takeda goes on.

Yoshiyuki Okuyama is up next. His son says that "maybe" he can do it. Thanks son. You get no allowance. For all eternity.

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 and his nipples are back! Arm Rings are no problem. Rope Junction. At the middle. OK. Ikeru! Devil Steps are no problem! Shin-Cliff Hanger is next. At the slant. YES! OK, time to change the Shin-Cliff Hanger. Everyone today has owned it. SASUKE IS HIS OLYMPICS. This point cannot be made enough. Jumping Bars. One! Two! Three! Four! Hang Climbing. Getting up to Spider Flip. This was where he failed last time. Rest time. Damn he's tall. Revenge time. Getting ready. But time for some commercials.

Back.

Getting ready to tackle the gap. YES! He did it! Getting to the Green Bar of Safety. Would he be the oldest finalist ever? Time to rest. Take your time. Take your time. Here he goes.

Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. Swinging. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY CRAP.

Wow.

Cue the dramatic music.

Takeda: "Iketai ni isshouni."

Let's relive the highlights as Takeda gets ready.

C'mon Toshihiro! You can do it!

Let's review all the things that have happened up until now. We've all seen it so I won't bother recapping it.

Takeda is the last hope of the All-Stars, the Rebel Alliance, the forces of good, etc. etc.

Only one man is left. Will he do it? More than anyone else, I think the crowd will go absolutely nuts if he makes it. I know I will.

98. Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩. Arm Rings are no problem. SASUKE Spray. Rope Junction coming up. At the middle. Safe! Devil Steps up next. Here he goes. At the turn. Yes! Shin-Cliff Hanger coming up. No matter what happens to him, people are going to cry I think. Shin-Cliff Hanger. Oo..history. He was the first person to do it? At the slant. WHOA! Almost didn't do it but he did!

Jumping Bars. One. Two. Three. Four! Yes! Hang Climbing! Avenge your sifu! Ikeru! Ikeru! Daijoubu! The crowd is ALL behind him. Spider Flip revenge time. Come on. Come on. Don't give up. Don't give up. You can do it. You can do it.

CMs.

Back. Let's move back a bit to the Jumping Bars. At the Hang Climbing. Now getting to the Spider Flip plank. Oh god. This is crazy. I don't think the shouting is helping people.

Dig deep Toshihiro. Dig deep. This is painful. Yes. Yes. Yes. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

That was quite possibly the most emotional run of Shin SASUKE. Eh, screw it. It was the most emotional run.

I think he just wants to throttle the announcers for putting so much pressure on him.

I can't really describe this. Nagano takes it harder than Takeda.

Final Stage

Five! Have made it! One has been there before. Yuuji Urushihara was the first to break through to the Final Stage in the new era.

And whoever completes SASUKE will get a Nissan Fuga! Fuga?

85. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司 is first. He was a gymnast in high school and is currently a gym instructor. This is his first attempt at the Final Stage.

40 seconds to complete.

Someone has fired up the soundtrack to Avalon.

Is the question not who but how many? Crazy.

Here he goes! Up the ladder. Not quite fast though. Don't know if he can do it. At rope with twenty seconds.

Commercials. We have a lot of time to kill people.

Back.

Here he goes. On the Heavenly Ladder. At the GRope with twenty seconds. Time is going red. Can he do it? 5..4..3..2..1. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I think you need at least 25 seconds on the rope to have a real chance.

Ouch. Well, that's one. We're still in business though. Four more to go!

92. Taiwan's Lee En Chi リー・エンチ! Let's go back in time. He was Taiwan's first and so far only competitor. Well he was there the first time with someone else but we don't like to talk about him anymore. Since then he's carried the hopes of Taiwan and JET TV on his back and has done quite well. This is his first final.

Here he goes. Up the ladder. Commercial.

Back.

Up the Heavenly Ladder. Going good so far. Going Good. A little bit ahead of Koji. Go. Go. Go. Go. Time is going red. Go. Go. Go. NO! Time up! Not quite as far as Koji.

93. Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治! He's now been proclaimed the leader of the new generation of SASUKE stars. He's been here before. Can that make a difference?

I tell you right now that I'm biased and I'm rooting for Yuuji more than any of the other finalists.

Here he goes! Up the ladder. Good pace! Hayai! Yes! At the rope at 25 seconds. CMs.

Back.

Back at the bottom. Heavenly Ladder. Here he goes. Wow, good pace. He hits the GRope at around 25 seconds. Can he do it? Here he goes. Time is red. YES YES YESYESY ESYEYSYSSSSSSSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm going to cry.

Minna arigatou!

Holy cow.

3.7 seconds left!

Congratulations YUUJI URUSHIHARA!

Oh. By the way, there are two other competitors left.

94. Kenji Takahashi 高橋賢次 is next! Man, it's hard to concentrate. Up the ladder. Good time. Just behind Yuuji. Can he do it? Not sure about his rope climbing skills. But he's a vet. Can there be two? Sorry Kongu, it's kind of anti-climatic right now, don't you think? Commercials.

Back.

Heavenly Ladder. Pretty good pace up the ladder. Urgh. Lost time on the transfer. Still, he has more upper body than most. Time is going red! GO! GO! GO! GO! NO! NO! That's depressing watching him being lowered down like that.

Ouch. He got tangled in the safety rope. It happens. Good job though Kongu. He'll be back in "The Revenge of Kongu."

One more to go.

95. Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行 is our final competitor. He was an All-Japan level sprinter. SASUKE is his Olympics!

Vaguely MUSASHI-like music for Okuyama.

Here he goes! Up the ladder! CMs.

Back.

Heavenly Ladder. Can he do it? A bit slow. Urgh. I don't know if he can do it. He's a bit slow. Time is going red. NO! NO!

Damn. There's the Lowering of Failure. The family is disappointed. Especially since that little guy over there did it.

Wow. Let's relive his failure.

Yay! STQers win! STQers win!

The giant key and car are Yuuji's!

And that's it! This spring. Look for the SASUKE renewal!

Congratulations to our third ever SASUKE winner, Yuuji Urushihara!

8 comments:

chaki said...

Hey Ube, Great job blogging. I'm with you about rooting for Yuji as well. Yes, his voice gets taking use to and though I can't remember what he looks like, the guy at my local ABC Mart is most likely better looking... BUT he does embody the "Sasuke spirit" -- the Olympics for the unknown athlete. He's had no experience with sports, is working class. The "unlikely athlete" factor goes up with his body shape.

And the STQers have more true comradery than the All-Stars. When someone's set gets destroyed by a typhoon, the UNCLIs are there with their shovels and work gloves. Yuji is always first to help out because he lives with his Mom in a tiny apartment and doesn't have an elaborate set. He's not exaggerating when he credits his friends for helping him.

I don't know him. I don't know whether he'll change with his new status. But right now, you got to love a guy who got dissed by Yamada at BUGS IN MIKI and then climbs to the top of the tower!

Arsenette said...

Thanks Ube! It was a rollercoaster ride with the rise and falls and everything in between.. Still recovering from Takeda and also from Yuuji .. completely opposite sides of the spectrum.

Will take my time with the blog.. I'm still decompressing after a long day. Awesome job in blogging as it happened.. I still don't know where you get your stamina.

Thanks chaki for the cheering on of STQ and UNCLI. I don't think people really get a gist of who they really are. I was happy for Yuuji seriously.

VxJasonxV said...

What is that screenshot of?
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_BQ5wahbmBFA/Sz4JXsyZOBI/AAAAAAAAAmQ/HxnlPjYkwZM/s1600-h/Kanzenseiha0001.jpg

VxJasonxV said...

Well, that link was quite messed up.

Regardless, the one singular picture you have in your post, where did it come from? The interface is seriously awesome.

Arsenette said...

Digital TV in Japan rocks hard doesn't it Jason?

lostinube said...

Chaki and Arsenette,

Thanks for the comments!

Jason,

That is an interactive thing that TV programs sometime have when broadcast in digital. It can only be accessed during the original broadcast though. Each one is made specifically for the program. Sports have stats running. Quiz shows might have questions for you to answer to try to get a prize and so on and so forth. For SASUKE they had the names (in the order shown) and their result for each stage. Very basic but helpful.

Arsenette said...

Bah I wish it was permanent when you tape it to a DVR or something. Oh well at least it gives you something to do between commercials. And if you came in late you can catch up quickly to see what you missed! I wish we had that back home.

JonTheGreat8000 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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