Let's kill some time by watching the last ten minutes of the New Years Ekiden preview.
OK. I like living in Japan and I understand it's important for the participants but who really watches a relay marathon? Does anyone watch the whole thing? What do the announcers talk about? "And they're off! And they're running! Still running!"
One hour later.
"And they are still running!"
And so on and so forth.
Yes, because when I think New Year Ekiden I think "Exile song."
Let's start with a montage of comedians! And athletes! And All-Stars!
Kanno! Bang! Bang!
WHO WILL BE THE 3rd MAN?
It's sign up time! There's a..ninja. Some chick just got number 52.
Dachou Club ダチョウ倶楽部. Udo Suzuki ウド鈴木. Tetsuro Degawa 出川哲朗. Eiko Kano 狩野英孝. Wakky ワッキー. Dandy Sakano ダンディ坂野. Tetsu and Tomo テツandトモ. Takeshi Nadagi なだぎ武. Edo Harumi エド・はるみ. Audrey's Toshiaki Kasuga 春日俊彰. Oh, are both of them competing this time?
And Hosshan ほっしゃんjust for good measure.
The combo that trains together stays together! Oh wow, they both played American football? Kasuga I can see but the other guy? Interesting.
So...is Kasuga going to be serious? Let's see his run from 2009 where he just did his schtick.
Let's do some push-ups! The partner's name is Masayasu Wakabayashi 若林正恭.
And let's go in and see Udo Suzuki and his partner training! I don't think Amano is going to be there. Suzuki has done Judo and Kendo. Not exactly sports that lend themselves to something like SASUKE.
Descente in the hizzouse!
Amano gives a slap to the back!
Eiko Kano, Mr. Narcissist. And there he is training at a Gold's Gym. Yeah, that's going to help. I say Log Grip.
*Sigh* Hiromichi Sato 佐藤弘道. Oh, that's right. He finally didn't disappoint his family until the 2nd Stage last time where he failed the Metal Spin. I was actually surprised he did the Salmon Ladder but hey, it's his job to be in shape.
And he's back with the Muscle Musical. Cheater. Let's see him train for the Salmon Ladder. Is it too much to ask for a mugger to um..mug him in that dark alley?
Oh look. Shinsengumi Rien. Um..Sakakibara failed the Jumping Spider. And another guy failed the Log Grip. Choreography! Looks like Tetsuji Sakakibara 榊原徹士 and Yoshiya Seki 関義哉 are participating this time.
The band that trains to...ah, forget it.
Descente in the hizzy!
Nagano! Kanno! Yuji! Yamada! Fall off the mountain! Fall off the mountain!
Commercial! For SASUKE! Who's time will it be! SASUKE!
Hahaha! I can get the SASUKE website and you can't!
It's Akiyama! It's Nagano! And that's it for the Kanzenseihas.
New Stars vs. All-Stars!
Makoto Nagano 長野誠 doesn't want to lose to them whippersnappers!
And the whippersnappers don't want to lose to them senior citizens!
Note the missing Bunpei.
Let's review Nagano's run in 23rd. Cue the Last Battle!
Must be handy to have a boat to train on and stuff. Shave them pits Makoto, every one can see.
Oh, and to have a crane to practice rope climbing. Handy, those things.
14 seconds! Do it again! Do it again! Kaiou doesn't care. He's just cold. 13 seconds!
Kaiou: "Get me off TV!"
Let's go to the man in the orange pants, Toshihiro Takeda 竹田敏浩. Remember that he's struggled with the Hang Climbing. 12 3rd Stage out of 19 tries is pretty darn good.
Ah, the irony of him going to a rock climbing place called G4.
He gets some help from a kindly old man, not unlike a sifu in a kung-fu movie. Later, he will die and Toshihiro will have to avenge his death.
His first piece of advice was to remove all his bling before climbing.
The fami..oh wait.
What exactly is his son supposed to say?
Let's visit our favorite gasoline stand area manager. Shingo Yamamoto 山本進悟 finally got back on track in 23. It had been three years for him between 3rd Stage appearances but his arm failed him.
Cut it off! Cut it off!
He goes to visit a doctor to see what was wrong. Years of pumping gas are not good for him. Inner muscle? There is a masturbation joke in here somewhere that I won't get into.
Hahahaha. You have to see it to understand.
I wonder what people think when they see the gasoline guy climbing all over the place? "I just wanted gas, man."
And of course let's go to the backyard that Katsumi Yamada 山田勝己 ruined.
Ten times! Ten times!
That was a pretty fun fall he took last time.
Last time! Last time! I wonder if he regrets saying that? I wonder if he's a giant drama queen. These things do not keep me up at night.
Let's relive his greatest quote. I love you TBS.
And let's compound it by reliving his recent failures.
Free Muscle Musical shirts for everyone!
"Katsumi "Mr. SASUKE" Yamada was found after being lost in the mountains for a week."
Poor camera guy who had to follow him everywhere. I think Yamada is "blown up" as they say in the wrestling biz.
Descente getting bizzy in the hizzy!
And after a month it's amazing how much weight Oprah has lost! Oh wait. Well, he's 69.5 after a month or so of hard training. So no excuses now man! No excuses!
Enough of the old people. Wait, where's Kazuhiko Akiyama 秋山和彦? Too expensive to send a crew to Hokkaido I guess?
Yuuji Urushihara 漆原裕治!
Hitoshi Kanno 菅野仁志! Bzzap!
They've both reached the Final Stage! They are the New Stars of Legend! Suikoden!
Good to have a place to train.
Use your legs man! Use your legs! So he does some pull-ups then goes straight to the rope. Image training! Ah, Japan.
I don't care what TV show you were on, YOU WILL CLEAN UNDER THE SEATS OF THE PACHINKO MACHINES YOUNG MAN!
Sasami and lettuce in the house!
Hey, at least my apartment is cleaner than his.
He fell during the 2nd Stage last time. He lost his balance so that's his focus this time around. He uses a "slackline" to practice.
UNCLI AND STQERS IN THE HOUSE! AWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAH!
Tomohiro Kawaguchi 川口朋広! Hiroki Nomura 野村宏樹! Makoto Yahagi 矢作誠! Ryo Matachi 又地諒! Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司! Keita Tomino 富野恵太! It's like a picnic. With obstacles.
Only people who train together can really say that kind of stuff to each other without it turning into violence, I think.
Wha? Ahh....Yuuji dips his hands in ice water then tries the Shin-Cliff Hanger. He does it but abune! Kanno tries but can't.
Hashimoto tries with them. That's a novel idea. They are thinking ahead!
Good to have a training buddy.
Takeda! Yamamoto! Akiyama! Nagano! Kanno! Urushihara!
TBS is really trying to push the All-Stars versus New Stars thing.
Sudo Genji! Some other guys!
CM...for SASUKE! Kanzenseiha!!!!!!!!
Oh snap, Yamada got his own commercial.
Genki Sudo 須藤元気!
Katsuhiko Nagata 永田克彦! He won a silver medal in Sidney in wrestling.
Takashi Fukunishi 福西崇史! He had that goofy smile the last time. I loved that. I want him to do well if only for that.
Kazuyuki Toda 戸田和幸! He's another soccer player. He thinks he can do it!
Takehiro Ishikawa 石川雄洋! He plays for the Yokohama Bay Stars!
Shortstop? I guess.
Genki Sudo! He didn't do very well last time.
Yoshiyuki Okuyama 奥山義行! Remember, he didn't go to the Olympics. But SASUKE is his Olympics! He failed the Spider Flip last time in a way that HAD to have given him splinters.
It's Christmas! They um..must have filmed this..when?
What do you expect their kids to say, TBS? "My dad sucks! He'll never finish the course!"
He uses his apartment to do some Spider Flip image training.
Commercial. For SASUKE! Danchou Club. Comedians. Athletes.
Let's get ready for the New Year!
Muscle Musical members! Let's see...Satomi Kadoi 門井佐登美, Terukazu Ishikawa 石川輝一, Hiromitsu Takahashi 高橋博光, Takuya Kawahara 川原拓也, Spinboy Aichi 大野愛地, Rie Komiya 小宮理英 and some blurry faces. Another two guys (?) and a female. I hope it's Tomomi Arimatsu 有松知美.
Dachou Club. Morons.
Degawa. Oh please.
Toshiro Shimazaki 島崎俊郎.
The greatest SASUKE comedian of them all, Katsumi Yamada.
And that's it!
See you on January 1st!