Thursday, January 07, 2010

Sportsman No. 1 Special Sort of Live Blog! 栄光のスポーツマン№1決定戦スペシャル

Tonight! Instead of the yearly Pro Sportsman No. 1 competition we will witness a Monster Box competition of monster proportions!

And also, we will see lots of old clips from Sportsman No. 1 and other shows! Matsui! Jordan! Matsuzaka!

Balloon Buster! Woot!

Michael Jordan! That must be old since he's still wearing Bulls sweats.

Let's look at a long list of tonight's Monster Box participants!

Let's cue some music from The Hunt for Red October!

We'll start with Hideki Matsui. Stats! Lots of homeruns! He'll be doing the Spray Hitter tonight. Or well, actually, this was nine years ago.

Here he goes.

1! He has 11 hits left. Oh wait, he was aiming for number 5. And this time he aims and gets it! Two down. He's going for a BINGO. And he's got it! 1, 5, 9 for those keeping score at home.

Wait, can he hit the Kongo-kun or not?

He was aiming for 3 but hit 6. Hey, whatever works. Double reach!

He calls 4 and gets it! His teammates are amazed! Ah, this was the year he was Japan League MVP. He calls 7 and gets it too! Wow. No miss! He's already made 50 man.

He's going for 2-3. And he gets both! That's awesome. Only one left and he has five more hits remaining. His teammate is dancing with the giant check!

Only Number 8 left. OK, he can't hit Kongo-kun. No! First miss. He blames the pitcher.

One more chance. NO! Just high to the right. Still three more hits left. NO! Right over the bar! Kore ha kuyashii!

And again! Uh oh. Only one chance left. Here he goes.

But first, let's hit a commercial.

Back.

One panel...and one hit left! He was running wild before that.

Here we go...NO! Way off. He has to settle for ONLY a few hundred thousand yen.

Back to the present. It's Japan League home run leader Sadaharu Oh! Oh wait, he has 868 home runs. He's the WORLD home run leader. Let's look at him twelve years ago trying the Struck Out game. That's three! 6 more pitches left. And that's it. Once you have no chance for a perfect you are finished.

It's Shigeo Nagashima. Mr. Pro Baseball. Yeah yeah. Again this was twelve years ago. Considering his health problems it would be amazing if he were doing it now. He's doing the Struck Out too.

He calls 5 but can't! 5 again..and he gets 4 and 7! He goes for 5 again. Dirtball! 9 pitches left. He gets 7! 8 pitches and 6 numbers. Calls 5-6 but gets 2-3! This is just like me playing the PS2 game. You call and aim but take what you get. I guess he'll keep aiming for 5..because this time he gets 8! Three more left. He has six pitches. Next pitch...no! And the next one too!

Calls a 5-6 (he actually can't get both) and gets 6! Two more left. Three pitches. But let's hit some commercials.

Back. Let's recap.

3 pitches. 2 boards. NO! Pressure time. NO! And that's it! Thanks for playing!

The 50 meter backflip! K, can't catch their names right now. Sorry. Nobody famous so far as I can tell.

Oh hey! It's the Iketani brothers. Yukio in gray. Naoki in red. Naoki wins! He had a time of 10'74.

More stuff coming up later!

But first...MONSTER BOX!

Makoto Nagano! Leszek Blanik!

What's your goal? I hope so 20...new record 24! Daisuke Miyazaki! Junichi Miyashita! Wakky! He keeps his own record.

Hey, it's Gon Nakayama being taught how to do the Monster Box by a young Naoki Iketani.

11 boxes. Oh, we're watching his run? Oh, these are notable 11s from the past? Oh god, I'm so confused.

Masaki Nomura is up! How many chances do they get? He's clear!

Yoshiaki Kamemura! Plays baseball! And gets it!

Yukio Iketani hotdogs. A boxer...OUCH! And that's it for him. Only one chance I guess.

Makoto Nagano! He has potential! He just got a backslap from Takeda but we're taking a commercial first.

Back. Here he goes! And he carries his short legs over!

And now it's the saikyou shoubousha! Toshihiro Takeda! Yes!

Muscle Musical member Ooyama Hirokazu hotdogs it!

Blank..WHOA. What was that? He just kind of floated in the air for a bit. You will believe a man can fly!

Naoki Iketani...totally hot dogs it.

Let's look at famous 12s in Monster Box history.

Back to the present. A member of Shinsengumi Rien Sakakibara is up and over! Junichi Miyashita...NO! He hit his butt on the back. Oh well.

Let's look at famous 13s! But let's also go to a commercial.

Another Shinsengumi Rien member and another. And another.

Kouchi Kairi! He plays handball. Hahahahaha. He used only one hand. Daisuke laughs.

14 boxes.

Masaki Nomura is back! Yes!

Makoto Nagano is back! Yes!

Hey! It's Shingo Yamamoto. Here he goes! He does the Mosnter Box shuffle...and that's it! He hit his arms, legs and pretty much every part of his body on the box.

Takeda is next! After these commercials.

Yes! Baseball player Tanaka is up! And he's got it! Yamaguchi Jun of Shinsengumi Rien is through! Miura Riki is out!

Alright, they are now jumping over the equivalent of a phone booth.

Let's look at some past 15s. I wonder if they have booze on that table in the back.

15! Masaki Nomura is up first! He's 57. But first...

Back! Here he goes...NO! He couldn't get his left leg up! His record today is 14.

Nagano! NO! He mistimed his jump? Hahaha. You can see his expression in the slow-mo.

Shingo is a dick and points out to Takeda that he's the All-Stars last hope again.

Takeda...yes! And he's all smiles!

Chiro! Yes! Texas Takeda is up! Yes! With room to spare. He was in the Jietai?

Naoki Iketani...no problem. God, he's cocky.

Let's go back to nine years ago as Nagashima and Oh take on the Spray Hitter!

Nagashima will set for Oh.

1st pitch. No! Calls 5. Yes! Next one..no! NO! That was his last chance! And he finishes with a grand total of one.

To make sure that he keeps his record he will pitch around Nagashima during his turn.

Nagashima sure chokes up on the bat. 8! He calls 5 (again). But gets 4! Lots of old baseball faces I don't know.

Next pitch..no! Hajimete shippai! Good wood but...next pitch. 5! He's still on track.

Yes! One BINGO! He's going to have to go for a double panel to get a perfect. KONGO! Extra pitch! Oh wait, he didn't get a BINGO yet. Next pitch..and the next. NO and NO! One more...NO! He finishes with four.

Junichi Ishida! 8 years ago he did the Balloon Shooter! Here he goes..he calls 8. But gets 6! He calls 8 again..but hits 9! He changes tact..he goes for 7 and gets..2! Calls 4..no! First miss! Calls 7 again...but no!

Next...7! Five shots and five balloons. Last chance in theory..NO! He'll finish with 4.

Next up..she hits three! But only one counts. Next..she gets 2! She calls 7...and gets 4! Calling 7...and her first miss! Ouch. Right between! 7 and 7. She pick up 9! Still safe.

One more...calls 8...and goes between! Last chance. NO! Wide right! Wide right! And so she ends with 4! And Ishida is a dick about it.

News time!

And back..

And after their appearance together..he called her up. And went to her house?

Let's look at some past Sportsman..

Wow...Carl Lewis versus Muraboshi? Yikes. In the Power Force! And that's it!

Let's look at Masami Kawaguchi (American football) versus a Giants player. Go! Struggle..Baseball guy got off better and is closer. Kiyohara. Kawaguchi is on his feet..and that's it for him!

Let's look at some Gallon Throw...hey, it's Asashoryu. Yes!

Whither though Bob Sapp? Here he is a few years ago though..Yes!

8m25cm. That's the "World" record! Koji Muraboshi..is going for it! Can he do it? He is the rare hammer throw guy who hasn't gotten caught doing steroids. UHAH!!!!!!!!! YES!

Let's go to some commercials before seeing more Bob Sapp.

Back! Bob Sapp versus Kotoshuu in a Tug of War! This was from 2006. As it conveniently says in the back. Go! Bob Sapp!

Spin-Off! Asashoryu! Versus! Kotoshuu! Start! It's on Asa's side..and he loses it!

Back to the Monster Box. We are at 16.

Some..guy..does it! Mike Cameron! He shuffles and..does it! And Gon..Hey! Kane!

Back to the present as a pompous ass (Yukio Iketani) talks.

It's Kazuyuki Toda! Yes! They have two chances from now on by the way. Toshihiro Takeda is up next! After these words from our sponsors.

Back.

Here he goes...Yes! He's all smiles! Kanzenseiha kanji!

Takehiro Ishikawa! Yes!

Blanik! And...he mistimed it! He went up..but DROVE HIS FACE INTO THE TOP. Whoops, they are still at one and out. And he's out.

Yukio pontificates.

Let's look at past 17s.

More Gon.

OK. NOW they get two tries.

And it's Yukio Iketani...NO! And Naoki..probably wants to laugh as he sees his brother hit his butt on the box.

Next up is Toshihiro Takeda...but...you know the drill.

Back..YES! First try! Screw you Yukio! Everyone seems to be behind Takeda at this point.

Wakky! Yes! Matsuyuki Oracchio? He used to be a gymnast. Yes!

Actor Matsunaga...Yes!

2nd Try. Yukio Iketani..YES! Shave your pits man. Good-bye Toda, basketball guy. And...let's see the replay...ah..the classic two touches. Ishikawa is out!

18 boxes. Kenji Sakaguchi back in the day. But..CMs. We've got time to kill people.

And Gon...NO!

Back to the present. Yukio is up first. Run into the box! He doesn't have the stride down. Wakky wipes out! Takeda..NO! Daisuke Miyazaki! Mr. Handball! This is the first jump we're seeing. Yes!

Tomoki Kitagawa! Barely! His shirt clipped it but not the body!

Oyama..YES! Takai! Takai!

Let's see Gon's 2nd Try. Yes!

Back to the present..can Yukio Iketani do it?

CMs.

Back..NO! And Yukio is finished for the night!

Wakky! NO! And that's it for Wakky! He can go higher but not tonight.

Toshihiro Takeda! His last chance! He's serious! NO! Osshi! And that's good night for the SASUKE All-Stars. But hey, they got those certificates.

Dangan Jockey's Matsuyuki...can he do it? Yes? Did he get enough of his body over? We're going to the replay...NO! Oh well.

Well, he's tied for the geinojin lead.

Akihito? Yamada! He plays rugby. Yes! That was his first shown jump by the way.

Let's go back seven years. More Balloon Shooter! I don't know who this is. Wait, he picked up two? I thought you couldn't do that? Sorry, he just got 5. I was obsessing over the flags in the back. We've moved out of the Kinniku Banzuke era. He has 4 balloons and 6 shots left! NO! And another miss! 4 and 4. NO!

Let's change sports! It's Maria Sharapova! She'll be doing the Service Ace today! This was five years ago. She calls 5 but gets 1! Calls 5. NO! Calls 6. NO! Calls 5..and gets 2! Calls 8..and gets it! Extra points in the video game! Calling 6..NO! Only six shots left. Can't miss now. Calls 5. Yes! Still alive. Calls 6..no 7. But picks up 4! Calls 6...still on the edge. NO! She misses with 5. Really, she didn't seem that invested in it.

Fatsuz..er..Daisuke Matsuzaka! Back in 1999 he was the hot thing! His senpais put pressure on him. He calls 4. Whoops. He's doing the Struck Out by the way. Calls 5. Off the frame! His teammates have no faith. Uh oh. One more miss. He only nine pitches and all nine to go. Going for the middle. NO! Hahaha. Hahahahaha! His teammates are overjoyed that he was a perfect!

Two years later! He tries again! His teammates remind him about his zero. He hits the middle! Which doesn't count. 8! 4-7! WHOA! He gets 6-9! And he called that. 8 pitches and 4 boards left. Frame! Kaz Matsui! Calls 1..and gets it! Miss! Gets 2! Hahaha..his teammates flash the check! 2 to go with 4 pitches. NO! He hits 3! Two pitches to get a perfect. I love when they split the board in half. Here he goes. NO! Way off. Pressure time. One pitch left. Here he goes. NO! And he'll finish with 8!

Oh hey, it's Michael Jordan taking on the 9 Hoops. This was..13 years ago. Is that Charles Barkley? Yeah it is. He's got two! He has 8 shots left. One more! NO! He already hit that one. He has to go 6 for 6 now. He gets one! And one more! And one more! Did Barkley bet him money or something? And one more? And one more! He has one more to get a perfect! YES! He did it!

Whoa, 9 Hoops Hide? It's a different version. Let's go to ten years ago. And let's see if he can do it again? He missed one. But gets the next! And one more! And one more! Wow. And one more! Cool. Calls 3. Yes! Miss! Rim out! He has to go four for four. Gets one more. And one more. Yikes. Needs the last two. Gets the free throw! One more. He should just dunk it. CMs.

Back. One shot to go. It bounces around...but goes in! Wow.

More Struck Out. 11 years ago? He got 8 last time. Can he do it this time? 6! Calls 2-3. Kudo? NO! 4-7. Gets 1! 4-7 again. NO! 8 pitches left. 7! But the replay says 4-7! Calls 5 wait..8-9. Gets 5! 8-9. Gets 8! 5 pitches. 3 to go. Calls 2-3. Gets 3! His teammates bring out the check to psych him out. Next is a miss! Only three pitches left. Calling 9. NO! Frame! Only two pitches now. Calls 9. Yes! One more. They bring the check in closer. He calls 5! Needs 2. CMs.

Here we go. YES! He got it! And his teammates run away with the check!

Back to the present. 19! Shoei!

Ryo Shirai! We haven't seen him at all! But he's got it! He's repping the geinojin.

Miyazaki...YES! Not quite as high as Shirai. But whatever works.

Kitagawa..is out! Yamada too! Rugby is out!

At 20. Four are left! Ryo Shirai is first! YES! Not the nicest of approaches but it works! JUST cleared.

It's his personal best!

Miyazaki! I forget his high. NO! Didn't have the timing.

Oyama! Here he goes. YES! I'm sorry I made a mistake with your name!

Iketani. YES! Lots of air!

Miyazaki..this is his last chance. But CMs first.

Back. Last try. NO! He didn't have it. No interview for you!

The pretenders are gone! It's 21!

Ryo Shirai up first. NO! He had a head of steam but...no. Oyama. YES! Lots of air. He is so fired from the Muscle Musical. Hahaha. Guts pose mid-air.

Iketani! No problem.

Shirai..NO! That's it. Thanks for playing!

22! Kane Kosugi! Is the Celebrity Monster Box record holder (Non-Iketani Division).

Only two are left.

Oyama up first. NO! His job is safe!

Iketani! But commercials to build the tension.

Back. No one is really automatic from the 20s on up by the way. Iketani. NO!

Hrm..

Last chances all around!

Oyama...YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Clear!

Iketani nods his head, wipes his pits and goes to get ready.

Oyama is feeling it.

Iketani..it's do or die time. Oyama prays for his job.

Can the youngster (Oyama) take out the wiley old veteran (Iketani).

CMs.

Back. Iketani pumps himself up. Here he goes. YES! Wait. He doesn't look happy. Did he touch? We're going replay. Did he angle his body enough? Ah...his inner thigh touched. Ouch.

Let's see all the record jumps as King Kull music plays!

Light that track up! It's a world record attempt! I think Oyama is the first person to try since Iketani did it in 2006. Oh, and Tomoyuki unofficially did it once (but shhh..).

Oyama will never get cut or digested from SASUKE again!

Here he goes..YES! Wait. NO? No? Did he not get the angle? NO! His job is safe!

Only one try for the record. But he is tonight's winner!

Congratulations to Hirokazu Oyama 大山大和! He's the first guy to beat Naoki Iketani at the Monster Box in ages!

3 comments:

Arsenette said...

Thanks! Some of the time I was going "what's going on" so I appreciate the explanations!

All-Stars did great.. well. except Shingo.. LOL I knew that would happen.. he hasn't done stride running in a looooong time.. and he was mean to Takeda doing that to him.. that punk.. The stupid announcer wasn't there to make him nervous so Shingo stepped in to fill the gap I guess :p Friends can get away with a lot :p

Was it just me or did Nagano look uncomfortable in those shorts? LOL I swear he thought it showed too much LOL

Some Kinda Wonderful said...

Great blog Ube! Darn. My Kewpie Doll didn't win. I mean, I was rooting for Nagano, of course, I thought he would do much better. But Iketani Kewpie Doll??? We count on his winning, right? Poor Shingo, but then... we all called that didn't we?

chaki said...

Gallon Throw record holder is Koji Murofushi.

Female golfer is Riko Higashio
(that show was where Ishida first hit on her and now they are engaged... She's the Seibu Lion's former manager's daughter and Kane Kosugi's former fling...(for maybe three years, she played on LPGA tour for maybe five.)

Unknown male golf ballooner was Tatsunori Hara, Yomiuri Giants manager and WBC manager, double championships 2009!!

(I think Fatso Matsuzaka actually looked skinny ten years ago...)

Can't remember any of the backflippers names, BUT I did note that they were ALL from Nittai Dai, even Naoki was a 4th year student there then! Would have been cool if Koji Hashimoto was in that footage, he's also a Nittai Gymnastics graduate.

ShareThis