Several years ago, TBS and Monster 9 brought together six men from different walks of life to form
MN: Makoto Nagano
TT: Toshihiro Takeda
SY: Shingo Yamamoto
KA: Kazuhiko Akiyama
KY: Katsumi Yamada
SY: Look, I'm just saying that we shouldn't baby him and tell him straight up what's going on.
KA: Is he here? I can't tell.
MN: I know but you know how he can ge..
TT: Shh..he's coming.
KY: Hey guys! I was wondering where you all were! I thought you were hiding from me again! Like that game we always play where all of you go off somewhere without telling me and I have to search for you and...
MN: Um..yeah. That game. We were playing that game again Katsumi. Look, we need to talk. Sit down.
KY: Sure! Is this about the spray? I know I didn't send as much as before bu..
TT: I think we have enough spray Katsumi.
KY: Are you sure? I think there's an expiration date on the cans somewhere. I have one in my pocket right now. Let me take a...
SY: Katsumi. We don't want to talk about the spray.
KA: Huh? What? Is everyone here? You guys have to move a bit closer. I can hear you but I can't see you.
KY: Oh. OK. Well, what's up?
MN: Well, actually, there are two things we have to talk about. Or rather, two people. First of all, we know that Bunpei has been injured recently and it looks more and more like he may not be able to compete anymore.
KY: That's a shame that. I keep telling him to try to use the spray on his back but he never does.
MN: Um. Right. Well, the boys at Monster 9 gave us a suggestion and we think it's a good one. At least something we'll try out for a bit.
KY: We're disbanding the All-Stars??? Oh no!
TT: No, we're not disbanding.
KY: Alright! We're getting the band back together! Woo-hoo! World tour here we come!!
SY: Huh? We never broke up. What the hell are you talking about you freaking mor..
MN: What Shingo is trying to say is that we're not breaking up or getting back together. We're going to try to insert some new blood into the All-Stars. We all have our distinct personalities and occupations and whatnot.
TT: Right. Makoto is like the all-around guy. Shingo is the goofy guy.
SY: Toshihiro is the talented choker.
*Shingo and Toshihiro glare at each other*
MN: Err..Bunpei is the deceptively athletic guy. Kazuhiko and you are the power guys.
KY: OK. I think I understand. So they want us to try to keep the same make-up of the group? Get in some fresh faces, eh?
MN: Exactly. But we want to keep the number at six. So if Bunpei is out we had to find someone who sort of is like him. And we think we found someone. Hey, Yuuji?
Yuuji Urushihara: Hello, sirs!
KY: Shoe guy? Really? Are you sure about that? Because you know, I've trained quite a few guys in the past and...
TT: He has a name, Katsumi. And no, we don't really think your trainees are quite up to snuff..yet.
KY: C'mon. You know you guys just want the free shoes he can get you. It's gotta be the shoes, right?
SY: What the hell was that?
KA: Is there someone else in here? What does "Money, it's gotta be the shoes" mean?
MN: Yuuji has proven himself admirably thus far. Right, Yuuji? We're not just using him for shoes.
YU: That's right Mr. Nagano sir!
MN: Oh, and Yuuji, do you have these in black? That's more my color.
YU: I'll check in the back sir!
KY: Well, OK. Shoe guy it is. But you said two people?
TT: Hitoshi, you can come in now.
Hitoshi Kanno: Awww yeeaaah! Check me out! You know who should join the Self-Defense Force?
TT: Um, no. Who?
HK: Me! Cuz check out these guns! Pow pow!
KA: What? Who's there?
HK: Blam! Blam!
YU: Does anyone need socks to try on their shoes first?
KY: Oh. OK. But wait...you said you wanted to keep it at six? If Shoe Guy is replacing Bunpei then who is um..Gun Guy re...OH NO!
MN: So you get it?
KY: Kazuhiko?!?!? You guys are so mean! I mean I know Kazuhiko is blind as a bat but..
KA: Who said that? Katsumi? Who called me blind? I dare you to call me that to my face. But like, can you move closer to my face so I can see you?
SY: See, I told you.
KY: Chill out K-Man! I'm gonna save you from these bullies!
TT: Argh. We're not kicking Kazuhiko out.
KY: Huh? Then who? Obviously Kanno is a power guy.
HK: Zap! Bzzzap! Bzzzap!
HK: Laser guns!
*The All-Stars who can see all turn to look at Yamada*
MN: Katsumi, there's no easy way to say this...
KY: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. After all the spray I've given you guys? Even after all that?
SY: This has nothing to do with the spray Katsumi. You know it's been ten straight times you've failed the 1st Stage, right?
KY: Kazuhiko has been sucking for a while too you know!
KA: OK, that's definitely Katsumi. Move your face closer to my fist so I can bop you one!
TT: He's made the 2nd Stage a lot more recently than you have.
KY: But I'm the face of SASUKE! I'm Mr. SASUKE! MR. SASUKE! You can't kick me out!
YU: Serves you right for dissing me, old man.
KY: WHAT WAS THAT, SHOE BOY?
YU: Err..Do you need extra laces with that sir?
MN: Katsumi, it's embarrassing. We cheer you on. We give you advice. We do everything we can for you. It's time to move on.
KY: NO! OK! I KNOW! Umm..we can all wear masks! Like a bunch of luchadors! The SASUKE Vilanos! Or the Killer SASUKES! Then, Makoto will run instead of me and then at the end we switch places before the interview and then I'll unmask and everyone will be like "Wow!" and...
TT: That's not going to work.
KY: It will!
SY: It won't.
HK: Bang! Bang!
KY: I'm gonna tell Mr. Higuchi!
MN: It was his idea Katsumi. Look, you'll still get invited to the show. You'll still be Mr. SASUKE. You just won't be an All-Star. I think it'll be good for you. Less pressure.
KY: NO! I wanna be an All-Star! I wanna! Fine then! I retire!
TT: Right now?
KY: Um..Yes! No! After the next show! If I can't pass the 1st Stage I'll retire!
MN: You don't have to do th...
KY: I'm gonna call Mr. Higuchi right now and tell him to put it in all the magazines and on the websites and I'm gonna tell everyone what a bunch of meanies you are and *sob sob sob sob*
MN: Why don't we go outside and calm down...
*Nagano, Takeda, Yamamoto and Akiyama take Yamada outside*
YU: Are they gone?
HK: Blam! I mean, yeah.
YU: Good. And now our plan is starting to come together! Soon we will oust all the All-Stars and replace them with new blood! Buahahahahahaha!
HK: Buahahahahaha! Did you like my cover character? Check out these guns!
YU: Yeah, that was great. Now help me put these shoes away.
See you at SASUKE 24!
(Photos courtesy of Rambling Rican)