Thanks to the magic of the internet I am able to view SASUKE Navi once again!
Will we see anyone new? Any surprises? Here we go!
And we start by recapping the EPIC FAIL~! of the All-Stars in 22.
And our first new star! Kanno Hitoshi! 菅野仁志!
And our second! Urushihara Yuuji! 漆原裕治 Sell them shoes!
So close...so close.
The average age of the All-Stars versus the new stars! The new stars (~!) have an average of 22.6 while the All-Stars average 37.8.
And we see everyone training! Nagano! Takeda! Yamamoto! Urushihara! Kanno!
That's umm...2 new stars 新星 versus 5 All-Stars/Heroes 英雄. So if they all met in the back parking lot of Midoriyama Studio, I'm going to have to go with the All-Stars. Then again, Yamada and Shingo might slip and fall before the fight even starts and Akiyama wouldn't be able to see until they got really really close to him. Still, experience over youth, I say.
That day! Everyone has to sign in!
Takahashi sighting! You could see his shaved head right next to Shingo.
Kanno got 95? Wait, 96.
Shots of many comedians. Shut up Hosshan.
Kinoshita of TKO. He wants to be the best Boke!
Savanna! Will both of them compete? Ow..talking about Mr. SASUKE. Not a good sign. Then again, he's referring to the Yamada gloves incident.
Kano Eiko does his schtick.
Nadagi Takeshi does his.
Oonishi Lion! Yay!
Yutti is useless people.
Three monomane specialists! Hori is in the middle. Beauty Kokubu is on the end but I have no idea who the other guy is.
Oh jeez. That's a lot of comedians.
Shut up Degawa.
Wakky! Will he get past the First Stage this time?
Super athletes! Takashi Fukunishi! Genki Sudo! Junichi Miyashita! Jordan Jochtev. Lezig Blanik!
Your アラフォ celebrities Monkiki and Hiromichi Sato.
Shinsengumi Rien members. Their single drops on the 14th.
Shinsuke Shimada is looking for a female staff member to slap.
Let's go back in time to 1997! 2200 have tried! Only TWO have completed! That's 0.09 percent. That's still higher than the interest rate you'd get a bank in Japan though.
Let's see lots and lots of fails.
The All-Stars get dramatic music! Yamada! Nagano! Yamamoto! Takeda! Akiyama! Shiratori!
Yamada fails the Jumping Spider. Shing fails the Half-Pipe Walk. Takeda fails the Jumping Spider. Nagano fails the Slider Jump.
Hitoshi Kanno! He's buff. He made it to the 3rd Stage.
Yuuji Urushihara! He made it to the Final Stage!
Let's see the All-Stars at the Maguro Festival!
Nagano does some gymnastics.
It's an All-Star meeting! I hope they're voting Yamada out.
Only Yamada stayed to the end last time.
Nagano is HIP! He watches Yuuji's Final Stage run on his laptop! Mottainai ne!
Takeda watches on TV! Subarashii.
Shingo has the biggest TV. And a wispy mustache.
Wait a second. Nagano gets a computer copy? Where's mine TBS? Where's MIIIIIIINE!
Because the target audience for SASUKE needs women's cosmetics.
Ba...wait. A commercial for SASUKE.
Now back. We see Makoto Nagano driving a..something. Cue up the Last Battle. So that he can build his own Slider Jump. Umm..Ouch? He doesn't want to fail there again!
And here he goes again and again. Practice makes perfect! SASUKE is difficult!
And he practices his rope climbing on his ship. Convenient, that.
Then he practices climbing a tent frame. But he always makes time for THE HOLY NAGANO BABY KAIOU~!
We see the happy couple get a blessing and the family trains together!
It's a gas station! It can only be Shingo Yamamoto. He's been there since the beginning. The Chickens are REVOLTING.
The last five SASUKEs he's failed in the 1st Stage. Let's see him fail.
Here he is running shirtless up the steps. (Half-) naked Shingo Yamamoto should get me some hits.
And then we cut to Toshihiro Takeda but first, let's sell more stuff!
Yet another SASUKE CM. Because we don't know what we're watching right now.
Back. Takeda is in Gifu. And he is cleansing himself in the waterfall! It's the first time he's doing it but hey, whatever works. Later he'll go to a shaman and practice the Talking Way.
(Half-) Naked Takeda runs up the steps!
And there they are! Shingo has a SASUKE towel.
And Yamada has free stuff from Descente.
Wait...Shingo's towel has his name on it?
Shut up Yamada.
And it's the New STARS!
Yuuji Urushihara does the 1st Stage! Then the 2nd Stage! Then the 3rd Stage! Yay! Everyone goes nuts! And then the Final Stage...will he do it this time? Oh wait. The reporter was egging him on but no.
He sells shoes! And goes to Muscle Park. Ooo..we see his past SASUKE Trial stuff.
Hitoshi Kanno! 1st Stage! 2nd Stage! His parents were there! But then...he went off the course.
Let's see the past clips of him training at his school. And then his awesome jump at the Trials.
He and Yuuji are training together! Because they are training partners! Did Yuuji get them the shoes for free?
Are the All-Stars their rivals?
Let's see Yuuji practice the Rope Climb again. He does it 20 times a day?
He intends to go to the 3rd Stage again!
Let's shill Muscle Park while we're at it. And let's see him do SASUKE Park. Anyone we know in the crowd? The crowd is awed! And he does it! Ah...stardom.
So apparently Kanno still has access to some facilities so that he can practice. Yikes. He's adding on some weights to do his Rope Climb.
Let's see Kanno's stalker-y wall of SASUKE.
It's the SASUKE Trials! Let's warm up people! And then let's see people's entry videos!
OK, groups of six have to do a 150 meter run on the BMX course at Midoriyama, partly with sandbags. The top four out of each group moves on.
Then groups of four have to hang on to a pipe until they drop. The top two move on.
UNCLI's Keita Tomino! That was UNCLI's Keitaro Yamamoto they interviewed.
Then they have to do the Jump Hang! Old School! A few guys fail...then Koji Hashimoto does it! Yay!
Finally, a speed trial. It tests speed (a sort of shuttle run), jumping power (hurdles) and balance (a pipe walk)
NO! Keita! He just failed at the end...always at the end.
We see the winners!
1. Jun Sato 佐藤惇
2. Something Nakamura 中村
3. Ryoma Kato 加藤僚馬
4. Koji Hashimoto 橋本亘司
5. Takuya Ueno 上野琢也
6. Naoya Tashima 田島直弥
Sato Jun! He made it in SASUKE 21 but failed the Log Grip! He was the youngest of the STQers from that time. When he studied overseas in Germany he practice parkour!
Koji Hashimoto! He was also an STQer. This time in 22. And he gets some lines!
And here are the Americans! Brett Sims! No!
10 were chosen out of the 250 over three days.
Hey, there's Levi Meeuwenberg. Let's see him hotdog in 21. And then go free running. But THEN..let's see him fail the Slider Jump in 22.
There were 10! But only Levi got named.
CM for SASUKE. Again.
It's Fukunishi Takashi soccer player guy!
Oh hey, he was on Sportsman No. 1. That was a while ago though. Let's see him train...in the middle of the city? OK. He wants to go to the Final!
Genki Sudo! He's charismatic! Choke that American!
Tomoki Kitagawa! He was there last time!
And we have two handball players! Since Daisuke Miyazaki won't be there I guess. They were both on the Japan National Team. Their names are Tetsuya Kadoyama 門山哲也 and Kairi Kouchi 高智海吏!
Junichi Miyashita! He was also there last time. It's time for revenge! He looked for a trampoline like the one for the Jumping Spider!
Let's go back to the airport! It's Leznik Blanik! You must only think about win!
Yeah yeah. You've got a gold medal. In Beijing I'm gold! In SASUKE I want to go to top!
Let's see the new areas and a few more people. But let's go to a commercial first.
CM! Again. Hey, maybe an American failed the Spider Walk.
It's Hosshan! And Degawa! And Shinsengumi Rien! And more!
And let's see Hiromichi Sato finally get past the 1st Stage! Sure sure. You'll reach the Final Stage so you should practice that Rope Climb. Sure.
Ah...he's practicing so he doesn't fail the Metal Spin again.
It's Monkiki! He was a three time finalist. But the last time was in 1999. It was a different show back then. Having kids has changed everything!
Jordan Jochtev! He got a sword! Let's see the only man to fail the Spider Climb! HEY! THIS ISN'T A GAME DAMMIT!
Lee En Chi! リー・エンチ! Yoshiyuki Okuyama! 奥山義行! They are back! Let's see Okuyama work and train! I admit, I didn't think he'd make it to the 3rd Stage last time. I'm sorry Yoshiyuki.
Lee! He reached the 3rd Stage the last time but failed the Shin-Cliff Hanger.
The Muscle Musical! Synergy! Takuya Kawahara! Spinboy Aichi! Double Dutch NOBU!
Oooh...behind the scenes in building of the set! Cool. Let's see some of the new obstacles and see how they make the magic! They don't really tell you much about the new obstacles so I guess we'll have to learn later. However, there are two new 1st Stage Obstacles. The 2nd Stage should have one new obstacle. The Soritatsu Kabe is still there!
Now my innocence is gone.
And now the credits! Comedians. Kanno.
See you tonight!