Hey, we're back!
It's a been over a year so bear with me.
Our story thus far: At SASUKE 27, Yuuji Urushihara conquered the course once again to become the KING OF SASUKE, which is much better than being a Mister of SASUKE, if you ask me.
Well, there were some problems, the show's future was in doubt and a year later the show is back on track and tonight we will see what a (sort of new) team will bring to the show. Tonight, they promise that it will be the last stand of the All-Stars but will Katsumi Yamada really go quietly! I fear they may have to put him down.
Hey tys news guy, that tie sort of clashes with that shirt.
Here we go! Lets look at some past shows and the claim that the show is broadcast in 157 countries and territories. America! Malaysia! Singapore! Taiwan!
And then it gets all dramatic...we start with the web trailer.
Here we go! Sorry, got distracted.
Let's start in the studio with Jay Kabira and someone else! The All-Stars in suits! Let's talk to some people promote their shows!
Let's look at the course!
1. Yuuya Fukuda! He's up first! Godantobi is no problem! Rolling Escargot up next. NO! Didn't even get started. Not that lucky!
3. Yoshio Kojima is up next! Godantobi is OK. Rolling Escargot....NO! Not that I expected much.
9. Katsuhide Torisawa! BLOWS UP lifting weights! Godantobi. YES! Rolling Escargot...Almost there! Can he??? YES!
Torisawa warrants a commercial!
Tekken does a commercial!
Torisawa takes a massive wipeout on the spin bridge! That was a nice one.
10. Rafting guide Masashi Toyoda! Swings his oar! Steps are no problem. Rolling Escargot..slowly...slowly. YES! Spin Bridge next. Almost! He didn't quite reach the last ball.
24. Yuusuke Suzuki has supporters! That's never a good sign. Steps. Rolling Escargot..Mawaru..mawaru..Clear! Spin Bridge...will he be the first? YES! or NO! Wait...ANOTHER commercial?
Back! Wait...he's holding on...NO! The crowd is shocked I guess.
After 30 none have cleared!
31. Darvish Kenji is up next! Let's see some Golden Bomber footage before we go to a commercial.
Back! Steps is no problem. Rolling Escargot. NO! Oh well. Enjoy your chart success!
32. Kazuki Shimizu is an actor! He's next! Steps! Yes! Rolling Escargot...NO!
33. Nana Suzuki is up next. She JUST makes it through the steps. Rolling Escargot. Can she do better than our l...oh, I guess not.
34. GENERATIONS Mendy Sekiguchi! Steps is no problem. Rolling Escargot...slowly...very slowly. And it doesn't help! Oh Mendy!
36. Arata Horii of D-Date! Steps. OK! Rolling Escargot. NOT OK! Yes yes, you thought you could do it.
Shingo and the new stars hang out.
37. Hiroyuki Gondou does push ups! Slow start because of a wardrobe malfunction. Steps is fine though. Rolling Escargot WHOA! He just jumped off! Can he do that? He touched the water. Spin Bridge. YES! Oh well. Jump Hang Kai! Makes its first appearance. NO! Oh well.
Takeda is cold.
40. Kouji Hashimoto! Is up next! Will he be our first? The new stars encourage him. Steps! Rolling Escargot...Good form! Spin Bridge coming up. NO! Nagano says uso! Well that was a surprise.
The vets are surprised too. And a bit worried.
41. Rina Sawayama! She's a pro figure skater. Godantobi clear! Rolling Escargot...And that's it for her! Good thing she has that DVD coming out soon.
42. Takashi Murakami! Works for Yoshinoya! And has a hat! Steps..clear! NOPE! Sorry Yoshinoya! No free advertising for you!
44. Kouki Someya is up next! He's an athlete of sorts. Steps. Rolling Escargot as his thighs jiggle. YES! Spin Bridge next. YES! Can he be the first to clear the Jump Hang? YES! He goes right. Not sure about the time at this point. Niren Soritatsu Kabe next. First Wall! Second wall! Twenty seconds left. Tarzan Rope. Does he have enough time? It's going red. Hurry! CMs.
Back! Does he have time...CAN HE! YES! HE CAN! With 00.3 on the clock! Our first clear!
OK. WHO IS THE GUY WITH THE POLICE HAT IN THE STUDIO???
Well, that was exciting.
45, 46, 47 all fail! And 48 too! He couldn't hold on after the Spin Bridge!
Let's go back to the studio!
51. Joji Amano gets the most exposure of his career! I believe he is the guy in the police hat.
Steps. Rolling Escargot! He's stuck! And that's it!
53. Minoru Kuramochi! Is up next. Whoops! That was fast!
54. Drew Barrybarrymore! NO! Well! OK then.
58. Kazuma Asa is up next! He gets a full on montage...hrmm...Last time he cleared the 1st Stage. Can he do it again? The sun has set. TONIGHT THE ALL-STARS RETIRE. Whoops. That's the corner graphic.
Here he goes. Godantobi. Rolling Escargot...SASUKE Tamashii! YES! Spin Bridge. No problem! Jump Hang. He goes right. Lots of time. First wall is no problem! Second wall on the first try! Tarzan Rope with a lot of time! At the net...Over twenty seconds. YES! With 16.2 left!
Kinnikun checks out the course.
61. Taizou Sugimura next. Hurry up man. Umm..He clears the steps and showboats. Will probably fall here. And he goes head first into the water!
62. Takeo Seto! He's a comedian! Godantobi is OK. Rolling Escargot is NOT!
His combi partner is shocked.
63 fails the steps.
64, 65, 66 fails the jump hang. 68 fails the Jump Hang too. 70 fails the Spin Bridge!
76. Naoki Iketani! He's back! He cleared the 1st Stage last time! Let's promote the SRO! He flips! But can he clear? Steps. Rolling Escargot. Slowly. Slowly. NO! His wife is shocked!
So far we have two!
Let's train with Nakayama Kinnikun!
Wakky and Kinnkun do a bit of comedy.
81. Nakayama Kinnikun! Steps! OK! Rolling Escargot...And he's through! Spin Bridge..no problem! Jump Hang...Kinnkunnnnn! He goes right. No one has gone left so far. First wall! Second wall..NO! And again..NO! NO! Needs to hurry...time going red soon. If he doesn't do it no...wait...nope...TIME UP!
82. Mika Watanabe up next! She's a KUNOICHI finalist. She's a ripped homemaker. She has had her kids with her. Not a good sign. Steps. Rolling Escargot next. Loses a foot! And that's it! Her son reacts!
83. Taiwan's Li En Zhi is up next! He gets hugs and props from Nagano. Last time he had the biggest surprise fail when he let his foot drag the water. It's time for revenge! Steps. No problem. Rolling Escargot. YES! Spin Bridge. Masaka! Masaka!
85. Wakky is up next! He cleared last time. Let's montage him first though. Godantobi is fine. Rolling Escargot next. Slowly. Slowly. Should jump. He does! Spin Bridge. Needs to go fast. YES! Jump Hang up. He goes right! Almost falls! But he holds on. Needs to hurry though. Niren Soritatsu Kabe. Needs to do it quick. First wall is clear but time is still going. Gets set. YES! Can he do it? It's going to be close. CMs first though.
Time is running out. He's at the net but the time has gone red! He...is not going to do it! Looks like the Rolling Escargot took too much time.
87. Ryo Matachi! UNCLI in the house! Montage. Steps. Rolling Escargot next. Note the guy in the white jacket that makes him look like a researcher in the back. Spin Bridge! Clear! Jump HANG! He goes right! He's through! First wall! Second wall! Tarzan Rope next. Lots of time. At the net. Time going red soon though. Needs to hurry. YES! 1.4 left!
Note how Ryo goes through the Rope Hang net like he's doing a 3rd Stage obstacle.
88. The King of SASUKE is up next! He has a lot of pressure on him. He's the only man to clear the course twice. Montage. Steps. YES! Rolling Escargot. YES! Spin Bridge. YES! Although he almost slipped on the last ball! Yuuji does the same as Ryo, goes right and climbs. Walls. Yes and yes! Tarzan Rope. Onto the net! Lots of time! Yes! 21.3!
Yuuji is pumped!
Nagano longs for his youth!
89. Hitoshi Kanno is up next! Yuuji and Ryo give him advice! Well, shout advice at him. Don't know if he was listening. Check them guns! Steps! Rolling Escargot. My hands are cold. YES! Spin Bridge! Yes! Gingerly. Jump Hang. He goes right and is through. Wall next. First is no problem. Second on the first try! Lots of time! Tarzan Rope. Rope Ladder. Takes his time. 10.2 left!!
The All-Stars are under the gun now.
91. Tomoko Hagiwara! She is a swimmer! She's next! And she's done! Masaka masaka!
95. Kouki Sakamoto is an Olympic gymnast! Steps! Rolling Escargot. Spin Bridge up next He's through! Jump Hang...slowly. May have lost time. Niren Soritatsu Kabe. On the second try on the first wall. Second wall. NO! Not even close. Another try. NO! May not make it. Needs to do it here. Time is going to go red soon. And that's it!
And it's time for the All-Stars!
Kazuhiko Akiyama, the first man to ever complete SASUKE is up first! Let's take a look at his past.
96. Kazuhiko Akiyama! Steps! Yes! Rolling Escargot. YES! Spin Bridge. NO! He lost his footing and that was it.
He passes on the torch to the young guns. He's trying to not break down. And he does when he's finished.
Hugs from Yamada. Handshakes from the others.
97. Toshihiro Takeda is next! Let's take a look at his history. And then go to a commercial!
Steps! No problem. Rolling Escargot. He jumps for it...but touches the water! The crowd can't believe it. Takeda looks...relieved.
98. Shingo Yamamoto! He's the only man to have attended every SASUKE. Let's take a look at his life. 97 have tried! Five have cleared! The chickens are revolting! It's Shingo Yamamoto! Steps! OK! Rolling Escargot...dangerous time here. A little slow. But he's through! Spin Bridge. He's still alive! NO! He slipped and held on to the rope but no. Of course the crowd is shocked.
Shingo looks forward to his new life. His wife is in tears. She probably hopes his new hobby is something like stamp collecting.
99. Katsumi Yamada. The Mister of SASUKE. The sight of his rusted up set is..sad. Here we go! Wait...commercials first.
Back. The crowd is chanting his name! Steps. Rolling Escargot. Slowly. Umm..if he takes that long there is no way he's going to have time to clear. Spin Bridge! Yes. Jump Hang...He gets it! He went right. Slowly going. Not going to have time at all. First wall. Almost impossible by now. NO! Time has gone red. Gets it. But after the time has gone!
Yamada addresses the crowd but doesn't cry (which is OK because Kazuma Asa does for him). Note: It looks like Yamada was the only one who held the microphone himself. Perhaps he was going to regale the crowd with a song?
There is only one All-Star left standing. Makoto Nagano! Let's look at Nagano's life. He is the de facto SASUKE ambassador abroad.
He doesn't want to lose to those whippersnappers!
100. Makoto Nagano! 105 seconds to clear by the way, in case I didn't note it earlier. Steps. Rolling Escargot. Yes! Spin Bridge. Yes! He always moves so smoothly. Jump Hang! He goes right! Clear! Niren...First wall! He's showing those damn punks! GET OFF MY LAWN! Second wall. NO! One more try. But a commercial first.
Back. NO! Time is going to go red...don't give up! NO! You can see Yamada's freaking teeth in the background. And that's it. No speech for Nagano.
Let's go back to the studio for some reactions. You know, saying stuff like All-Stars zenmetsu is the kind of stuff that makes them want to stop having all this pressure on them.
Let's look at the Second Stage. If you can't swim you are screwed! 135 seconds to clear.
That looks fairly crazy.
44. Someya up first! Cross Slider! Yes! Swap Salmon Ladder next. Slowly. Don't know how things play it yet though. Five parts to the Swap Salmon Ladder...and he doesn't get the fifth one! Good effort for your first try!
Yuuji and Ryo examine things in the way only people who LIVE SASUKE can. Kanno just laughs it off.
58. Kazuma Asa next! Cross Slider. Swap Salmon Ladder next. But a few words from our sponsors first!
And a news break!
Back. Are you informed now?
Cross Slider. Swap Salmon Ladder. Gets through all five! And may I note that the Cross Slider is clearly named because of the position. Whoops. He's through the Back Stream! Passing Wall! 30 kg! 40 kg! 50 kg! He's through! That's one!
87. Ryo Matachi next! Cross Slider...ahaha. Swap Salmon Ladder. 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. YES! Unstable Bridge next. Needs to swing. Did he check with the others? Or look at the clock? Spider Walk..gets set. Kind of slow. But he's clear! Don't know about his time though. Back Stream next. Needs to hurry, I think. He's through! Walls next. 30 Kg. Having trouble. Needs to hurry, NO! Time is going red. NO! I think his strategy was off. He took too long during the Spider Walk.
88. Yuuji Urushihara! He finds new and interesting ways to fail! Cross Slider..bwahahaha! Swap Salmon Laddder. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, yes! Unstable Bridge next. Yes! Spider Walk. Needs to hurry. A bit slow. Back Stream now. Yes! Lots of time! Passing Wall. And he's through! And he looks a bit irked that he had to swim!
89. Hitoshi Kanno is up next! And last! Cross Slider..Swap Salmon Ladder..Yes! Unstable Bridge up next. Clear! Spider Walk up. Yes! Back Stream! No problem! Passing Wall. Last one. YES! He's through! That's three!
It's the Crazy Cliff Hanger in the studio! Inui sighting. Let's take a look. Iron Paddler? Well OK. Vertical Limit looks crazy. And the Pipe Slider is back!
Yuuji is impressed by the tester.
58. Kazuma Asa is up first! This is first 3rd Stage attempt. Rumbling Dice first. No time limit here. He's through! Iron Paddler. He examines the technology. YES! That looked hard for him. He'll be the first to take on the Crazy Cliff Hanger. But a few words from our sponsors.
Crazy Cliff Hanger. But some prepping by Asa first. On to the 2nd ledge. 3rd ledge..needs to do the jump now...here he goes....NO! He couldn't hold on!
88. Yuuji Urushihara! He is the only man to defeat SASUKE twice! He touches his wood at home a lot. So much that it changes color.
Back! Rumbling Dice. YES! Iron Paddler next. He takes a short break. Slowly. He's having some problems getting it to move. NO! DON'T LET IT ROLL BACK! Whoops..got carried away there. And...he's through! Crazy Cliff Hanger next. Here he goes...into this commercial!
Back...quickly across...AND NO! He was there but couldn't get his grip! He ALMOST had it. Damn.
And only one was left standing!
89. Hitoshi Kanno! Rumbling Dice first. Through! Iron Paddler...He almost loses it at the end! But he's through! Needs a breather first. And so does the show as we go to CMs.
First ledge. Second ledge. Third...at the jump now...NO! And that is it!
Back to the studio. Our three last men standing take a bow!
And that's it! The All-Stars have their last stand. The New Stars shine with the spotlight on them! Will there be another show? We can only hope so!
Have a Happy New Year!