Monday, October 03, 2011

SASUKE 27 The Sort of Live Blog! It's SASUKE2011秋!

Tonight! It's been a while but it's SASUKE 2011秋 or SASUKE 27 for those of you who like it that way!

While the title of tonight's show is SASUKE 2011 Fall, the show was taped way back in July of this year. The 18th to be exact. At the time Japan was still reeling (and still is in many ways) from the effects of the Tohoku disaster. On the 17th of that month Nadeshiko Japan, Japan's national women's soccer team,  shocked the United States to take the Women's World Cup. It was widely seen as a big pick-me up for Japan. Will SASUKE do the same?

It won't but hey, that's what they were trying to say in some of the promotional material (but they didn't make the direct Nadeshiko comparison).

Yeah, I was blathering. Anyway, a few more commercials to go...

2600! Have tried! Takeda! Bunpei! Kane! Yamada!

Only three have ever conquered "Mount Midoriyama!" Akiyama! Nagano! Urushihara! Tonight! Will we see a fourth?

Let us watch some wipe outs (no, not that show) first to get us warmed up.

153 countries! That's a lot of places to be broadcasted! The Americans are invading! And so are the Malaysians! Well, one Malaysian. But they got to meet the (world's?) strongest fisherman Makoto Nagano.

Someone got 24! Kazuma Asa's back! My hands are sore! I didn't warm-up!

SASUKE!

1st Stage!

1. Hitoshi Kanno! Whoa! What the heck? Here he goes! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot up next..he failed this before. And.....He does it! Giant Swing next. Yes! Good form! Jumping Spider...YES! Could we be going 1 for 1? Half-Pipe Attack. Here he goes. WHOA! Had to go back. He's got it! Soritatsu Kabe on one try! Commercial before he completes the next obstacle!

CMs. Promotion for stupid Kimura Takuya drama. I hear it was expensive to make.

Back.

He clears the wall. Spin Bridge..He falls! But he's up again! Yes! Tarzan Rope! He's going to do it! Redemption! Redemption! Time is going red but he's already up! 6.5 left. Yes! Take that! What a way to start!

7. Kyohei Hara is next! He can lift 12 futons! That's strong. Skip ahead to the Rolling Escargot. Yes! Hara Kyoheeiiii! Giant Swing STRAIGHT INTO THE WATER! Ohhh...that was a new transition (a giant SASUKE just did a wipe across the screen).

Masaaki Akata! He should be 24..oh wait.

24. Masaaki Akata! He has glasses! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot coming up. He has kids cheering for him. NO! Shachoooo! The kids in red are his child slave laborers. Work dammit!

13. Umm..Katsuhide Torisawa! He always blows up at the start line! And this time??? He blows the bottle opening schtick. Here he goes. Gets the Step Slider! Crowd is dead because he blew the trick! Rolling Escargot...he takes a header right at the end! Yikes. He cut himself opening the bottle. And he went face first into the platform.

Daichi Hashimoto! He's the son of legendary wrestler Shinya Hashimoto. But he goes pretty much straight into the water!

Daisuke Morikami! He's with the Muscle Musical but he's a pro MTB rider! He just timed out last time! He's number 6 by the way. Here he goes. Through the Slider really fast. Rolling Escargot...Clear! Giant Swing.YES!  Jumping Spider...YES! We will have 50 clears tonight! Half-Pipe Attack...YES! Soritatsu Kabe. First try! Oh my. Spin Bridge. YES! He's going to do it! Tarzan Rope. Unless he inadvertently hangs himself with the rope. 25.6. That's two!

Next up...Is a famous person!

Kenjiro Ishimaru! Can he finally do it? Step Slider. He had the most mellow theme song ever. Rolling Escargo...he lost his footing! He's done! Damn.

Yukio Kikuchi! Is a lawyer! Step Slider. Whoops. Not quite. And now he's through. Rolling Escargot. Skin head! And that's it!

QTaro Suzuki is up next! Some schtick first. Burping (and shotgunning a cola) is the key to SASUKE success. Here he goes! And his feet hit the water! So he goes in anyway!

Satomi Kadoi! She's from the Muscle Musical. She completed KUNOICHI! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot...this might be tough. YES! Giant Swing...YES! Jumping Spider. YES! But she's going slowly. She needs to pick it up to clear. Half-Pipe Attack. She looks tired. And that's it!

Lots of people but no results! Will get to this later. That's like five people.

Yoshio Kojima fails the Step Slider as we get back to business.

22. Taizou Sugimura will be up after these messages.

CMs.

Back.

22. Taizou Sugimura! And he wipes out on the first obstacle! Impeach! Impeach!

Oh wow, hey, it's the Ebay winner!

He's from Universit of Central Florida! He paid...three thousand dollars for the right to fail the Rolling Escargot! Thanks for the cash!

Up next is Hidenori Sasaki. He is from Iwate prefecture, one of the areas hit by the tsunami. Step Slider! His SASUKE set was wiped out by the tsunami. And he tries to hold on to the Rolling Escargot but he can't! Great story though.

65. Yosuke Kaneko! He's from the Muscle Musical too. Las Vegas version. Step Slider. He gets a face graphic because he's an M9 boy. Through the Giant Swing! Wow! Jumping Spider...no problem! Half-Pipe Attack. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe..First try! Can he be three? Spin Bridge..YES! Tarzan Rope. Lots of time. YES! 34.8!

Kinnkun is up next! He's been away from SASUKE for a long time! He gets to practice on Hidenori Nagasawa's set!

30. Kinnikun Nakayama! He's all buff. Step Slider is no problem! But the Rolling Escargot is! Whoops. Thanks for coming.

Kenji Takahashi! Fails the Spin Bridge!  Nagasawa fails the Half-Pipe Attack! As does another female Muscle Musical member!

Our first non-paid for foreigner! Let's look at the coverage SASUKE Malaysia got because 50 percent of the people under 30 are fat! Nagano was there too!

52. Mohammed Farid Isham! He's your SASUKE Malaysia winner! The Cat! Step Slider! Rolling Escargot...Whoops! That's it for Malaysia. Darn. Still. Getting there is the first step!

Aw yeah...Kazuma Asa! He's angry! He's a former SASUKE Trial guy. I love them. Ooohh..Old school Trials. SASUKE ai (love)! He's got passion! Wait...he failed but got picked anyway! Yes!

55. Kazum Asa! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot...YES! Giant Swing. Good job! Jumping Spider. YES! SASUKE Tamashi! Half-Pipe Attack. Whoa! But he's through! Soritatsu Kabe killed him before. First try. NO! Second. NO! One more. YES! C'mon! Kouji Hashimoto sighting! Can he do it? After a word from a sponsor we will find out!

Back. He's gotten past the wall. Spin Bridge! YES! YES! GO MAN GO! Tarzan Rope. Lots of time. YES! 12.1 left! He collapses! He's about to cry. Oh wait..he is crying.

David Rodriguez! He's our first of ten Amercan Ninja Warriors! He's got a mask! I He's all flippy-floppy. Crowd and announcer are a bit subdued. Was doing something else during this part so I'll fill it in later. Sorry David! He's through! 17.3!

Nobody asked you or your opinion Yamada.

An elementary school teacher and someone else I should know fail the 1st Stage!

Paul Kasemir is through1 As is Ryan Stratis! But you knew that! Almost all of them are through! Lots of fast forwarding here...

That's OK because it means we get a Ryo Matachi fluff piece!

62. Ryo Matachi! Step Slider! He's a house painter! He has paint! Rolling Escargot. YES! Giant Swing! Revenge of the UNCLI! Spider Jump. Half-Pipe Attack. YES! He's mom is excited! Soritatsu Kabe. NO! One more try. Taking his time. And gets it! Spin Bridge. Through! Tarzan Rope. Time is going to go red soon...Can he do it? Celebrating before the end zone gets him a 5.92! Flag on the play!

Masami Harashima! Gets set. And he GETS PAST THE STEP SLIDER. Rolling Escargot. WHOA! He loses it but can't do it! Tako-tencho with a zannen!

Hey, it's the world's most famous tako-tencho. Mr. Octopus. Hahaha. Visual joke! Taking his time. Even he knows he won't pass. Slowly on the Step Slider. But he can't get the rope! It's OK! The world loves you anyway.

Okada and the car powered Rolling Escargot! Not eco-friendly if you ask me. But you didn't.

68. Yuichi Okada! His wife is there! Step Slider. Clear! Rolling Escargot...Slowly. Slowly. YES! Training pays off! Giant Swing! Jumping Spider. No problem! Half-Pipe Attack next. The platform throws everyone's timing off. Soritatsu Kabe...first try is a no go. One more time. NO! One more time. A cut brings us to the time going red. His wife is in tears. He'll have to ride the Rolling Escargot home by himself.

Whatever Nagano says, listen to. Whatever Yamada says, do the opposite.

50. Daisuke Naito! He's a former boxing champion. If you do anything on a world stage you will always have something to do in the world of Japanese entertainment.  But we got some commercials for you first.

Back.

50. Daisuke Naito! Annnnnnnnnnd...why practice the Escargot when you're just going to fail like that?! Nagano thinks the same. Shingo laughs at someone, as always.

Kouji Hashimoto! Gets a fast forward! As does Naoya Tajima! and Setoda from the Muscle Musical. AND LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE! RYOMA KATOU M9 forgives you! YOU CAN BE ON TV NOW!

16 out of 80! Yikes!

The chickens...are they revolting? They are! it's Shingo Yamamoto. Or High-Octane Man. Since every SASUKE nickname is either Mr. Something or Something Man.

81. Shingo Yamamoto! Step Slider is OK! Rolling Escargot goes slowly. Takeda sighting! Giant Swing. Hat is still on. Jumping Spider. His shoes are all neon and stuff. Half-Pipe Attack. YES! Soritatsu Kabe. YES! Nagano is HAPPY! Spin Bridge. Lots of time. NO! HE SLIPS AT THE END! Nagano is sad! Why did you rush!

Mottainai. Mata ka yo.

82. Cross country skier Yuichi Onda! He has medals. Step Slider. YES! Let's cut to Yamada for some reason. NO! He lost his grip on the Rolling Escargot!

Oh boy. Katsumi Yamada up next. Hey, his Soritatsu Kabe is high! Like he'll get that far

Alright Yamada, we'll call a truce. If you pass this time, I won't mock you as much anymore. OK?

91. Katsumi Yamada. Here he goes. Step Slider. Yeah. Rolling Escargot. And he's through. Giant Swing. Clear. Jumping Spider. He's up. And is going..but we need a shochu commercial first. I agree TBS. We all need alcohol to get through Yamada.

CMs.

Back. Jumping Spider. Ho-hum. Nagano wastes energy cheering him on. Getting set for the Half-Pipe Attack. Misses the platform..But he's got it. OH. MY. GOD. Soritatsu Kabe. No. Again. He's already getting that body language. Again. Time is running out. Nope. Time is going red. Hey, at least he tried until the end this time.

92. Wakky! His goal is to get past the 1st Stage! His dream is to complete SASUKE! Kue the Kull the Konquerer music! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot next. He played soccer in university. He's through! Giant Swing. Yes! Hmmm..Jumping Spider. YES! A bit slow though. Needs to pick it up. Half-Pipe Attack. Getting set. Yes! Soritatsu Kabe.YES! Hey, he's taller than I expected. Nagano is excited! Yamada! YOU'RE OUT! Wakky is in!

CMs.

Back. He's up the wall! Spin Bridge. YES! HE'S GOING TO DO IT! Tarzan Rope! He needs to hurry a bit though. Time going red soon. Dude, hurry up. YES! 4.28! He's happy!

More athletes fail! Hey! The football guy! Ice Hockey! Naoki Iketani and Ishikawa and Okuyama all cleared sometime during the day! There are four left! Taiwan, Nippon, America!

97. There are eagles. And eagle shooting heroes! It's Lee En Chi. NO! OH MY GOSH! HE HIT THE WATER!

He's too tall!

24 have passed! It's all Americans and Japanese this time around!

98. David Campbell! He's the American Ace! Man, the Rolling Escargot is butt-tastic. Sorry I thought about that line during your run David. Jeez. The TBS announcer is a bit...subdued. Commercials.

Yikes. David just blasts through the course. 44.32! I bet Takeda regrets not competing.

99. Yuuji Urushihara! He's done it before! But he finds interesting ways to fail every time! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot. Move Sport getting lots of promo time tonight. Giant Swing is no problem! Jumping Spider is no problem. He's failed the next before. But he's got the Half-Pipe Attack this time! Soritatsu Kabe on the first try! Not rushing. Spin Bridge! Tarzan Rope coming up. Lots of time left. 15.08! Yes! Effortless.

There is only one left! The man with the most success at SASUKE. The 2nd man to finish the course and de facto spokesman for the show. Makoto Nagano. He's been around the world! Unfortunately, his father passed away recently. Nagano would like to do it for him. He gets the Takeda back slap! Commercials first though.

Back.

There is a battle. It's the last one!

100. Makoto Nagano! Thank You For Supporting Japan! Step Slider. Rolling Escargot. Yes! Jumping Spider. Yes! More Move Sports! Half-Pipe Attack...YES! Soritatsu Kabe. Yes as the crowd chants his name! Gets set. Asami can't look. YES! Tarzan Rope. Lots of time left. He can catch his breath. 9.55! He's through! The wife and everyone else is happy!

2nd Stage!

9 Americans! David's goal is not to be the fastest! 18 Japanese have gotten through! That's a lot of people. I'm sure they will edit the heck out of the next stage.

27 for 27! The fix is in!

Lets get all fiery and stuff.

Hitoshi Kanno is up first. Uh oh. Looks like he hurt himself on his fall. And that's it. Hrm. He already had tape on his arm. Yuuji says stop. And he does.

Daisuke Morikami is up next! Double Salmon Ladder. He misses a rung. But is back on track! At the switch. YES! He's the dark horse! Unstable Bridge. He's already used half the time limit. Announcer talks about his potential. At the 2nd board. He's through! Needs to hurry though! Balance Tank. Needs to go fas...oh wait...Metal Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! That's the classic though. Falling on the Metal Spin due to rushing.

29. Naoya Tajima! They edited him before! He turns and twists stuff! Here he goes. NO! Whoops. Hrm. Ryoma Kato was already in his street clothes.

David Rodrigues is next! He has a mask! And is jumpy! Here he goes! Whoops! There he goes too! The announcer is quite concerned about the mask!

20. Kouji Hashimoto! He's waiting! He's made the final before. He failed the Metal Spin last time. Will he be the first Japanese competitor to make it through? Here he goes! To the Double Salmon Ladder. At the switch. YES! Unstable Bridge up next. At the gap. YES! 2nd board. Through! Balance Tank. Got it! Metal Spin...dad is worried. Here he goes. YES! Needs to hurry! Time going red soon. YES! That's one!

45. Yousuke Kaneko of the Muscle Musical is up next! He was the fastest of the Japanese competitors! Double Salmon Ladder. At the switch. NO! He missed it! That was quite dangerous. Rookies, I tells ya.

Let's look at all the writing on Kazuma Asa's back!

55. Kazuma Asa! Aw yeah! Slider Drop is clear! Double Salmon Ladder. Misses a rung. Back on track. At the switch. YES! Two more rungs. NO! He missed the top right rung! Yuuji and Ryo are concerned!

Let us fast forward through the people having trouble with the Double Salmon Ladder! We've got painting to do!

Ryo Matachi! Can he break the curse of the Double Salmon Ladder? At the switch. YES! Needs a few tries to get to the top. He's through! Unstable Bridge. YES! Balance Tank. Whoa. YES! WHOA. Metal Spin. Slowly. Yes! Wall. One! Two! Three!...Time going red. He's going under! YES! YES! 3.4 left! He couldn't get the wall up but he got enough to get under it! That's two!

James McGrath! He's tall! Double Salmon Ladder already! At the switch! Yes! Unstable Bridge. He's blazing through! Relatively. Balance Tank. Metal Spin. YES! Here he goes! Walls. One. Twooo...Three! 18.84! He's through!

By the way, the corner graphic says tonight there will be the 4th Kanzenseiha.

Brent Steffensen is next! Double Salmon Ladder. Yes! Unstable Bridge...clear! Balance Tank...He almost lost it! But he got it back in time! ONLY TO FAIL THE METAL SPIN!

Let's see more people fail the Metal Spin! Ryoma!

92. Wakky is next! He passed the 1st Stage for the first time tonight. Can he do the same here? He's the most famous person left! Double Salm...wait. Commercials.

Back. Wakky getting ready to do the Double Salmon Ladder. Dunno if he can do this. NO! He had it uneven and couldn't get back on track!

87. Terukazu Ishikawa! He failed the Metal Spin at 24! Can he do it this time? Double Salmon Ladder. At the switch. Yes! One more rung to the Unstable Bridge. Struggling a bit. 2nd Board! YES! Balance Tank. Yes! Metal Spin coming up. This is the big one. YES! Time going red soon though. Can he do it? One! Two! Three! YES!..WHOA! 0.06! He cuts it close!

Ryan Stratis finally gets some SASUKE love! BECAUSE HE'S THROUGH DAMMIT! As are some other Americans!

Naoki Iketani fails the Double Salmon Ladder. Six have cleared! 23 have gone! There are four left!

Yoshiyuki Okuyama finally gets some fluff! He's busy during the day so he has to train at night!

96. Yoshiyuki Okuyama! Shingo claps him on! As do Okuyama's kids. Double Salmon Ladder. At the switch. Yes! One more rung. On the Unstable Bridge now. Going to the 2nd board. OK! False landing! He's through! Balance Tank! Metal Spin before the commercial.

Back!

Metal Spin. YES! Lots of time! One! Two! Three! 9.65! That's another one! That's why he has his own facebook page!

Three left! The two finishers and the American Ace.

About an hour and twenty minutes left in the show by the way.

98. David Campbell! Double Salmon Ladder is no problem for this artist musician David Campbell! 2nd Board...false landing. Through! Balance Tank! Ikimashita! Metal Spin. YES! Lots of time left! One! Two! Three! Artist Musician David Campbell!

There are two left! They are nervous!

99. Yuuji Urushihara! He is the leader of the New Generation! Double Salmon Ladder. Up quickly. At the switch. Yes! Unstable Bridge coming up. 2nd Board. YES! Balance Tank. Slowly but surely. Yes! Metal Spin. Lots of time! Yes! One! Two! Struggled there. Three! Time going red but he's through! 7.17!

Nagano rocking the Ninjapan shirt. Yuuji wants to go to the 3rd Stage with Nagano!

100. Nagano has had problems with the Metal Spin before. Let's go over that. Here we go! Slider Drop. Double Salmon Ladder. Up quickly. At the switch. Through! Unstable Bridge. 2nd Board. False landing. Yes! Balance Tank. Slowly. Not a lot of time though. Metal Spin. Needs to hurry. But we don't because we have a commercial!

Lots of SASUKE stuff trending on Japanese twitter but as the sumo special showed us, trending on twitter doesn't always translate into ratings.

Back.

Taking his time. YES! The crowd cheers him on! Time going red! He knows how to do this part! 1.6 left!

3rd Stage.

Ten have reached this far. Can anyone go further?

TBS LOVES DAVID CAMPBELL.

Cue some dramatic music! It is the 3rd Stage people.

Kouji Hashimoto is up first. He disappointed his parents before! Can he make them proud this time? Arm Bike is easy for him. Flying Bar. No time limit here. And through! Ultimate Cliff Hanger next. Getting set. First slant. Second up to the first flat. First gap. Second Gap. YES! Third gap! HAHAHAHA! He did it! And he made it look easy! Commercial.

Back. He did it this time too! Whoops. First ring. Second ring. Gets to the Chain See-Saw. That looks...complicated. NO! Holy crap that looks hard to do. You need to make sure you have balance and distribute your weight. This might favor a lighter competitor.

James McGrath. Arm Bike. Flying Bar. 1st. 2nd. Clear! Ultimate Cliff Hanger next. Slants. First gap. Got it! Second gap..Swinging...NO! Stratis close-up of pain!

Ryan Stratis gets some digest non-love. At the first gap of th...no! He fails the Ultimate Cliff Hanger!

It's Ryo Matachi up next. They clearly did not film enough footage of him since we keep seeing the same stuff over and over. Arm bike is no problem. Flying Bar next. One. Two! Safe! Ultimate Cliff Hanger next. Will he be the second? Through the slants quickly. First gap. Yes! Second. YES! One more to go. YES! He's the second to do it! Jumping Ring next. Second ring. On the ladder of safety. Chain See-Saw next. Here's where Kouji failed. He got it! On to the next ladder of safety. Rope Climb. Here we go. Can he do it? Bar Glider is the last one. Oh boy...At the end...swinging...swinging....swinging...YES! YES! YES! YES!

Let's look at it again. Wow...he just got the Chain See-Saw.

Well, that won't put pressure on everyone else.

Terukazu Ishikawa has reached the 3rd Stage before back in SASUKE 14. Can he join Ryo? Arm Bike. Flying Bar. Whoa! He overswung! Flip into the water! Well, I guess no one thought you could do that.

Paul Kasemir next! He got one hand on the second gap of the Ultimate Cliff Hanger!

Okuyama up next! That looks kind of unsafe training above all that gym equipment. He's been so consistent as of late.

Yoshiyuki Okuyama! Arm Bike. Is no problem! Flying Bar next. NO! He misses the first one! He is suitably shocked. As is the crowd.

Cue some SUPER dramatic music for the last three!

Artist Musician David Campbell! He's the last American left! Arm Bike. Flying Bar. Some SASUKE Spray (tm ME). Ultimate Cliff Hanger. Slants. First Gap. YES! Cross shita! Second gap! America Number One! Almost there..gets a foot on the platform...NO!

And then there were two...

Yuuji Urushihara is up next! Arm Bike. No problem. Flying Bar next. First. Second. Safe! Ultimate Cliff Hanger coming up. Can he be the third to do it? Can he join Ryo? Slants. First a commercial though.

Back.

Slants. Flat. First gap. Second gap coming up. YES! Third. YES! Clear! More pressure on Nagano! Jumping Ring next. Here he goes. To the ladder of safety. Chain See-Saw. YES! He got it! Kanepeki Bal...abunai! The announcer just gave me a heart attack. Rope Climb next. Needs to get to the Green Bar of Safety. Yes! Can he do it? Taking a breather. Here he goes. Up to the second level. Swinging...swinging...swinging...YES! YES! YES! YES! UNCLI RULES THE WORLD.

Sorry. Took off to get overexcited on twitter.

There is one left! He is Makoto Nagano! He is, for many, THE MAN. Can he show these youngsters he's still got what it takes?

Makoto Nagano! Is last! Arm Bike is no problem. Lee has a sasukefan shirt on. 10/10! Flying Bar next. Yes! Ultimate Cliff Hanger up next. He's never attempted this before. Yamamoto and Yamada shout from the sidelines. Slants. Commercials first though.

Back.

Slants. Flat. First gap. Second gap. NO! I think of all...that second gap is the one you need to practice. No interview for him though. It's right into the Final Stage.

Ryo Matachi! Yuuji Urushihara! Will one of them do it?

Let's review the past Final Stages. It's a 20 meter Rope Climb for the Final Stage!

Ryo Matachi is up first. 40 seconds. Here he goes! Commercials.

Back!

5 meters at ten seconds. Looks like he's losing it though. Halfway up. Can he do it. Ten seconds. I don't think he can make it. Needs a burst. No. Almost. NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!!

Was it pressure? Did he not have enough left in the tank? He needed five more seconds I think.

Ryo and Yuuji confer as we get a bit of Yuuji TV love. Oh goodness, the rubber boots thing again.

Whatever.

Here we go.

What a great shot going down the tower.

Damn.

Yuuji Urushihara! Here he goes! But we have eight minutes so a commercial first.

Back.

Here we go (again). Faster pace than Ryo so far. He's halfway up! Can he do it? Time isn't going red yet. YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! 6.7 left! Everyone cheers him on! My goodness.

And there it is...the first person to ever do it twice.

Here's hoping that Yuuji starts to get attention and respect he deserves.

UNCLI bitches.

5 comments:

Greg said...

Great write up. How did Lee En Chi fail?

Andrea said...

His feet dragged the water on the first obstacle.

Arsenette said...

Awesome thanks :) I still don't know how you do this live.. no way in hell I can do that.. LOL

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