Haven't liveblogged anything in ages so let's give Fuji Television's new variety show G Wars a try.
The basic concept is that teams of comedians will battle each other...for PRIDE! Or perhaps cash prizes. I don't really know. I think the show will have theme teams such as young comedians versus veterans, talent agency versus talent agency and so on. Your MC is Kouji Imada 今田耕司 and he is assisted by Shigeo Takahashi 高橋茂雄 of Savannah サバンナ.
Shows about to start! But first, let us bob our heads to the ending theme of Sazae-san (look it up on youtube).
Dramatic opening! G Wars!
God Imada warms up the crowd with Angel Takahashi. Geinin Gundan Gekitotsu! G Wars! Not G (Star) Wars.
I want one of those little robo-bear things.
Great, the names of some of the events.
The young comedian team! In white! Oriental Radio! Yoshio Kojima! Hanya!
The veterans! In black! Shouji! Yabe! Moriwake! Nabe Atsu! Okada!
First war! Domino Dash! You have to press the button before the dominoes fall down. Ah. The button is under the dominoes. No wait. The button is on both sides. Thunderstruck! Pay AC/DC!
First match up: Oriental Radio guy versus Nabe Atsu! Flash! Aaahhhhhhhh!
Oh wait. They changed it to Okada for the black team. And he's..off very very slowly. OK. You press the button for your opponent.
Second match up: Other Oriental Radio guy versus Nabe Atsu. Go! He's off! Did he do it? Yes? No? And...NO! He missed the button!
Third match up: Taro Yabe versus Oriental Radio guy. Perfect Pusher! Go! He's off. He dives! Did he get it? He looked a bit slow. We have to go to the tape! NO! Perfect Pusher!
Fourth match up: Hanya Kawashima versus Nabe Atsu. Start! Kawashima was off first! Did he do it? Another photo finish! YES! He got it! The comedians talk trash.
Fifth match up: Shouji versus Oriental Radio guy as Pearl Jam plays. Even Flow! Go! But first a commercial!
Holy cow, the background music for this show is going into a rock n' roll overdrive. Like someone left the radio tuned to some classic rock station. Yes, Pearl Jam is classic rock. You are old. I am old.
Back! He looked slow...did he do it? NO! He whiffed on the button! Pusher Perfect!
Sixth match up: Yoshio Kojima versus Nabe Atsu. Ready...if he can do it, the young guns win. He's off! Doesn't look like it...NO! He was short of the button. The veterans are still alive! Ah..Nabe Atsu put his whole body into it so the Dominoes moved faster.
Red Hot Chili Peppers, right? Funky bass! I'm being distracted by the music.
Seventh match up: Hanya Kaneda vesrus Nabe Atsu. But commercials first! The song was By The Way by Red Hot Chili Peppers, by the way.
Back! Go! Nabe Atsu put his whole body into it again! But Kaneda had a good start. Did he do it? NO! The veterans are still alive!
Bon Jovi! She's a little runaway!
Eight match up: Moriwaki versus Oriental Radio guy. Oooooooh. She's a little...CMs.
Back. Bad jump! Or was it? Did he do it? Let's check...I think it's a question of if he pushed it or not. NO! The young punks take it!
Second War. Kuchuu Gomu Wrestling! Mid-Air Rubber Band Wrestling! Or something like that. OK, first song I don't recognize.
1st Round: Yoshio Kojima versus Okada! The goal, I assume, is to make your opponent fall into the water while keeping your balance. This is fairly ridiculous. I can't really describe what is going on. Okada is losing it! He's losing it! He's in! He's in the water!
2nd Round: Nakata of Oriental Radio versus Kenji Moriwaki. OK. Here they go. Ready...fight! Should you try to move towards your opponent? Or keep your distance. Nakata is standing while Moriwaki is lying. Looks like Nakata's strategy is working, including cocky standing! Moriwaki is back in it! Moriwaki gets it! We're all tied up! The part where Nakata was just standing there was pretty funny.
Final Round: Hanya Kaneda versus Tomoharu Shouji. Balance is important but you need a bit of strength to move your opponent around. Ready...fight! Kaneda is using the Kojima method of lying down and using your legs to stretch the bands. Shouji is using the Moriwaki style of staying low and using your arms. Shouji is in a precarious position! CMs. I wait in anticipation of what song I will hear next.
Back! Can Shouji get back down! Yes! He's back down low! Stalemate! Shouji is in a purely defensive position of holding on! Wait! They are back! Shouji is crouching and shaking! Shouji is crouching and shaking! Yes! What a...um...battle! War! What a war!
They are tied up one event apiece!
Back to the studio.
3rd War. Some kind of relay. Ah. It's a form of the game Telephone. The young gun team is up first!
Word 1: Kojima blows it!
Word 2: They get it!
Word 3: Maybe if the first guy didn't say it so fast it would be easier. They get it!
Word 4: Kawashima blows it!
Word 5: But first, some commercials.
Word 5: They get it! Kawashima almost doesn't get it though.
They got three out of five.
Veteran team is up next!
Word 1: Haha! Shouji blows it at the end!
Word 2: Can they see the word? They get it!
Word 3: Again! Shouji is truly the weakest link! They have to get the last two to tie!
Word 4: Yes! They get it!
Word 5: It's do or die! They get it!
We're all tied up! It's a draw! So we go to one more event! Super Dunk!
Back to the studio first. We're back. Back in Black!
Final Battle. Super Dunk War! The first four have to bounce the ball off the backboard and then the fifth has to dunk. Using a ramp to get up of course.
They have twenty minutes to practice. Scintillating! They have five tries each. We Will Rock You!
1st Round: The vets are up first. NO! Shouji is NOT CLEAR! Kaneda is the dunker for the young comedians. NO! It doesn't get past the second man (Kawashima)!
2nd Round: Will Shouji let his team down again? Here go the vets. YES! He gets it! Clear! It's time for the young guns. YES! Clear! God, that looks fun.
3rd Round: Vets are ready...they are losing control! Can Shouji pull it down. NO! Not Clear! Young guns are up. Kawashima almost throws it too hard against the board (don't one-hand it). CLEAR! 2-1!
4th Round: YES! Got distracted by an earthquake notification. The vets tie it up! Kaneda misses the ball but it goes in..NO DUNK! It would get him two points anywhere else but here! It's 2-2.
5th Round: This is it! Here go the vets. NO! Shouji loses the handle! NOT CLEAR! This means that the last attempt is for the win! Here they go...YES! They win it all! It was a little low but credit Kojima for getting it back up high enough for Kaneda!
Your winners! Wakate Geinin Gundan!
But wait! We have one more hour! G Wars Second Stage!
We have two new teams of up and comers and veterans!
1st War. Guragura Something or other. It's a jump rope on a raft.
Audrey's Wakabayashi is up for the young guns! He's past 30! He's still going. Can he make it to 40..NO! He finally loses it 38!
Speed Wagon's Ozawa is up for the vets! He's out of rhythm! He slips! He's out at 11! Is it a final total?
Peace's Matayoshi is up next! And...he's out at 5! OK. It's total. It is currently 43 to 11.
Cunning Takeyama is up next! Enter Sandman! That's it for him at 3! 43 to 14.
Fruit Punch's Wataru is our next challenger. Can he push the lead out of reach? He's past 20! He takes a header into the water at 32! That puts it 75 to 14. The pressure is on the two last vets!
Yamazaki is Living on the Edge! Steve Tyler says watch American Idol! He'll have to get 62 to get the lead! He's at 20! 30! Can he do it? NO! 35!
Audrey's Kasuga is the leader of the young guns! Can he finally put it away? 1! That's it! The vets are still alive!
Motley Crue gets paid for living on the Wild Side!
The last man! I don't know his name. Can he do it! NO! He's out at 3!
Final Score - 76 to 52!
2nd War: 5 Meter Long Kendama!
Peace's Matayoshi is up first! NO! He almost had it!
Next is the guy whose name I don't know. NOT CLEAR!
Audrey's Wakabayshi is the MVP for his team so far...here he goes next...NOT CLEAR!
Finally! A Guns N' Roses song. Welcome to the Jungle, Speed Wagon's Ozawa. NOT EVEN CLOSE! He couldn't even get it up. A warning to potential lovers everywhere!
Kasuga is next. But first a commercial.
Back. NO! He got it on but couldn't get it to stay!
Yamazaki is Living on the Edge! Can he be the first? YES! HE DID IT! We are all now Thunderstruck!
It's all tied up!
But first a comedic interlude.
Final War! Bowling! There is a ramp before the pins.You have to put power into it to get it over.
3.5 meters first! Everyone...is...wait. Not everyone is clear! The guy whose name I don't know doesn't get it!
4.0 meters. Wakabayshi up first. NO!
Let's speed things up a bit. We're down to three! Takeyama for the vets and Kasuga and Wataru for the young guns are all at 6.0!
Enter Sandman, Cunning Takeyama! They are doing theme songs aren't they? We'll cut to commercial first.
So will YMO re-do Rydeen every couple years just for commercials?
Back. Yes! Takeyama is through! He JUST makes it.
Wataru up next. NOT CLEAR! It was too much to the right!
It's down to Kasuga for his team! CLEAR! He threw it a little bit harder than he needed to though and barely got a corner pin.
It's the battle of the leaders!
6.5 meters. But right after these words from our sponsor.
Back. Takeyama. NO! Not really even close.
This is for the win..here he goes. YES! Right in the middle! No problem! Thunderstruck!
Yet another win for the young guns!
Next week! They'll be back at eight on Sunday! It will be Kansai versus Kanto! For regional pride! Be there!
Just for kicks, the songs I could catch:
AC/DC - Thunderstruck, Back in Black
Queen - Flash, We Will Rock You
Pearl Jam - Even Flow
Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way
Bon Jovi - Runaway
Metallica - Enter Sandman
Aerosmith - Living on the Edge
Motley Crue - Wild Side
Guns N' Roses - Welcome to the Jungle