Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Who is the strongest!?! Sportsman No. 1 XXXVII 最強の男は誰だ!壮絶筋肉バトル!!スポーツマンNo.1決定戦XXXVII 

Wakky! Paul ANTHONY Terek! Ronaldinho!

Soccer! Handball! Football! Baseball! Basketball! Auto-Racing! Judo! Futsal! Comedy! Which has produced the strongest athlete?

TBS presents Sportsman No. 1 XXXVII!

最強の男は誰だ!壮絶筋肉バトル!!スポーツマンNo.1決定戦XXXVII 史上最多ジャンル12種の各界No.1激突!!史上最高の元日決戦

Power! Speed! Technique!

Let's go!

Urgh, I missed the list of people participating. Why do they have to scroll it so fast! Paul ANTHONY Terek is looking to be the first back to back champion!

There will be a special female Monster Box challenge! (Oy, that didn't come out right, did it?)

Lots of new faces this year.

1st Battle: Ultimate Guys!

Slalom run (you have to go back and forth to touch these levers), log lift (you have to lift three logs of increasing weight with ropes and connect them to a hook), 20 sit-ups and then the truck pull! Wow, they haven't had that for a while.

Miyazaki Daisuke (handball) is looking to re-gain the title of Sportsman No. 1!

First pair: Akada Shogo (baseball)/Miyazaki Daisuke
Akada: 1:29:75 Miyazai: 1:34:XX

Second pair: Wakky (comedian)/Paul ANTHONY Terek (decathlon)
Wakky: 1:32:06 Terek: 1:23:75

This is one of the toughest things I've ever done!

Third pair: Tamada Keiji (soccer)/Nakayama Kinnikun (comedian)
Tamada: 1:56:96 Kinnikun: 1:32:28
Kinnikun and Wakky have a rivalry going but Wakky comes out on top for now.

Fourth pair: Rajai Davis (baseball)/Sakurai Ryouta (basketball)
Davis: 1:36:12 Sakurai: 1:37:XX
Both started out quick but the truck pull killed their chances.

Fifth, sixth and seventh pairs get the digest treatment.

Eight pair: Yoshida Hidehiko (judo)/Iketani Naoki (talento)
Yoshida: 1:39:57 Iketani: 1:37:07
Iketani probably has the most familiarity with this event as it's a re-tooled version of the old Workout Guys event.

Your winner: Paul ANTHONY Terek!

2nd Battle: Tail Impossible!

They run around a track and people get dropped in rounds. Hajimata!

First race goes from 13 - 9. Kinnikun is among the first casualties, as is auto-racer Tanaka who was in the lead and tripped and fell.

Second race goes from 9 - 6. Wakky mou nuida! Wakky, Miyazaki and Terek give us a treat and doff their shirts! Can their trunks be far behind! (Ummm...)
Akada and football player Kinoshita Noriaki are amongst those out.

Third race goes from 6 - 3. Miyazaki looks to have hit the wall! Terek looks like he's falling behind! Wakky, Sakurai and Tamada are in front of him! Paul ANTHONY Terek is out!

Final race. All for the winner! Wakky, Sakurai and Tamada are your finalists! Wakky is half-naked and pumped! Let me take a puff of this oxygen! Saigo yon hyaku meter! Wakky is in the lead! Well in the lead! Wakky! Then Sakurai and Tamada.

Your winner: Owarai geinin Wakky Number 1! ワッキー

Horseyface! Ronaldinho! Hrmmm..I guess he's only doing one event as a special challenge? Sportsman No. 1 in Brazil! I'll just say that the man is ridiculously good at soccer. He has his own sports facility! It's for the children!

He gets a lengthy introduction. I still have no idea what's going on.

OK, it looks like they've brought the Monster Box. I assume that this will be recognized by the World Monster Box Association Alliance of the Universe. Alex! His record is 17 Boxes. His friends futz around on the Monster Box. Just jump already! Let me go get dinner while this is going on. If I start drinking and this thing goes all over the place blame Ronaldinho. Oh wait. He's going for it. Tondaaaa! Ooo. 8 boxes. Just short of the record! /sarcasm.

Shot-Gun Touch! This is where his potential lays. Speed and timing. Gosh, his tall friend is clumsy. First try! Yes! More than enough speed as he catches the ball. I hope he goes for the record or this is just a glorified time-killer. We already have the Monster Box for that, thank you very much. Oooo. He asks about the record. I don't think he's going for it. Wait, it looks like an actual competition. Ronaldinho's buddies take their shot at 11 meters. Whoever came up with the Shot-Gun Touch is a genius. "You have to hit a button from varying distances on this movable platform and then a volleyball will drop from the ceiling and you have to touch the ball before it hits the ground. You better run like hell!" Awesome.

Oh, he gets the 11 meters. And 11.50. He asks what is the record for soccer players. The record is 12.50 by Sato of San Frecce Hiroshima. I think he's going to build to it. First try for 12 meters. No! Second try...YES!

This is taking a while. Meanwhile, over on the other channel Beat Takeshi is tap dancing to an orchestral version of Stand By Me. Cool. And the Ronaldinho part is over. Ooops.

Back to the Sportsman No. 1 competition.

3rd Battle: Power Force! Two competitors are connected by a rope and have to be first to reach a button. A tug-of-war type event.

1st Round:
Miyazaki vs. Akada! Winner: Miyazaki!

Iketani vs. Wakky! Winner: Iketani! Whoa. Iketani KILLED Wakky. Again, you have to point to familiarity as Iketani has more experience with this event.

Kinoshita vs. Paul ANTHONY Terek! Ikeru! Everyone is pulling for the hometown boy (read: The Japanese guy)! Winner: Paul ANTHONY Terek!

G.G. Satou (baseball) vs. Sakruai! Winner: Satou! Not even close.

2nd Round:

Kinnikun vs. Miyazaki! Winner: Miyazaki! Best four!

Iketani vs. Tanaka! Winner: Tanaka! Auto-racer!

Paul ANTHONY Terek vs. Yoshida! Yoshida gets the better off the gun jump! YOSHIDA! Winner: Yoshida! The Japanese contingent (which is, oh, 99 percent of the building) is pleased! Bring it home! Bring it home!

Satou vs. Somebody! Winner: Satou! Sorry somebody. Didn't catch your name. You got schooled though.

3rd Round:

Miyazaki vs. Tanaka! Winner: Miyazaki!

Yoshida vs. Satuo! Heavyweight battle! Yoshida is 9 for 9 in the Power Force! Make it 10 for 10! Winner: Yoshida!


Miyazaki vs. Yoshida: Start! Oowah! Winner: Yoshida!

Your winner: Yoshida Hidehiko! 吉田秀彦

Paul ANTHONY Terek has the overall lead.

4th Battle: Beach Flags!

1st group: Kinnikun, Paul ANTHONY Terek, Iaba, Tamada, Miyazaki, Kinoshita, Wakky.

Kinnikun and Iaba (I think that's his name) are out.

2nd group: Davis, Akada, Tanaka, Sakurai, Satou, Iketani and one other person.

Other person amd Tanaka are out. You got the flag! I'm looking forward to getting more flags! OK!

1st group, 2nd round: Tamada and Wakky are out. Tamada just so.

2nd group, 2nd round: Satou and Sakurai are out. Davis is fast.

The groups are mixed together now. Iketani, Akada, Davis, Terek, Kinoshita, Miyazaki. Hopefully the gaijin will eliminate each other! 6 to 4.

Terek and Akada are out!

Miyaaki, Kinoshita, Iketani, Davis. 4 to 3.

Davis! Out! He had a bad jump AND fell down. High level battle!

Miyazaki, Iketani, Kinoshita. 3 to 2. Iketani and Kinoshita neck and neck!

Kinoshita OUT!

Final: Miyazaki vs. Iketani. This will be a replay of the 2005 Beach Flag final! Miyazaki can take the lead if he wins here. Two former Sportsman No. 1 champions!

Heads down! Whistle! They dive! Miyazaki!

Your winner: Miyazaki! 宮崎大輔! He's in the lead now. 

Flashback to 2004 in Athens. A group of female gymnasts took on the Monster Box. And now! In 2007! Another group of women are in Tokyo to take on the Monster Box! They'll start low at 9 boxes. Not all of them are gymnasts. We have a trampoline player, a basketball player and a Muscle Musical member. Our first failure is at 10 boxes - Japanese basketball player Takahashi can't hack it! Mirabella Akhunu is waiting! She's the women's world record holder. Yasu, the other basketball player goes face first into the mat but she clears! Hirota Haruka, a trampoline player retires at 12. Matsui Chinatsu, a pro squash player (!), hits the box and is out at 12 too. Silvia Stroescu, Romanian gymnast, gets through with no problem. The basketball player goes for the same technique as before but while she still hits the mat face first, she is out at 12. Stroescu is going one at a time because this is her first time. Mirabelle, Stroescu and Matsushima Yuki 松島由季, the Muscle Musical member are through with no problem so far.

We're now at 15. The record is 17. Stroescu fails on her first try. Matsushima passes. Perhaps Iketani was giving her tips. Mirabella. No problem!

Romania Sylvia! No! She's out! Wow, she looks angry.

16 boxes. Matsushima's first try. No problem! Mirabella! Yes! Her legs go flying all over the place when she jumps.

Record time! 17 boxes. Akhunu has done it before. MATSUSHIMA! She's tied the record! Mirabella is NOT impressed. D'oh! She fails on her first attempt. Second attempt. NO! I think she was running too hard and lost her form.

Matsushima! Is going for the record! 18 boxes! Here she goes! NO! One more chance. Y'know, I bet she practiced on the Muscle Musical set when no one was looking. Second try! YES! Mirabella DOES NOT CARE. She will meet Matsushima in the back alley after the show to the lay the smack down. Will she go for 19? Oh, I guess not.

5th Battle: The Cell! Wha? Oh OK. They have to touch the panels in numerical order. They will race in pairs.

Wakky beats Inaba, who forgot to touch 16 before touching the button.

Iketani beats Tamada, who doesn't know how to count or something.

Sakurai beats Davis, who also doesn't know how to count.

Ihara beats Akada. Ihara is the guy whose name I kept missing.

Miyazaki beats Terek, who was trying to touch the panels with his hands.

Kinnikun beats Tanaka.

2nd Round:

Iketani beats Wakky.

Sakurai beats Kinoshita.

Ihara beats Satou.

Miyazaki beats Kinnikun. Handball chikara!

Final Four: The panels go from 16 to 24.

Sakurai beats Iketani. Iketani got tripped up at 13.

Ihara beats Miyazaki. Miyazaki got tripped up at 10.

Final: Sakurai vs. Ihara!

Your winner: Ihara Yasushi! 飯原誉士!

Back to Brazil! Recap of 11m and 11m50cm. Now he's going for his second try at 12m. Ronaldinho! His mom is happy. He wants to try to be the number one soccer player at the Shot-Gun Touch. He's consulting his homies! 12m50cm. 1st try. NO! He gets a round of applause so as not to tear down his IALAC. 2nd try. Can he do it? Ronaldinho! NO! Oh well. Thanks for playing Ronaldinho!

6th Battle: Monster Box!

Shall we just pencil in Iketani's name? Miyazaki, Terek and Wakky have the athletic ability but not the form to break through to the 20 box mark. Or do they? Starting off at 11. Iketani just jumps over the box without touching anything so that he can just pass on the next couple of boxes. Tanaka is our first out at 12. G.G. Satou is out at 13. Up to 15 now. It's the same height (actually, a little higher) as a telephone box. Inaba is out here.

16 boxes. Two tries from here on out. Davis clears but in the most awkward looking way possible. Kinoshita is out. Tamada is out. Hazukashii desu. Kinnikun is out. He's not really been lighting it up since his return from America.

17 boxes. Akada is our first don't even jump just run into the box guy. King of Athletes Paul ANTHONY Terek clears with lots of butt-space. Sakurai clips the box with his butt and is out. Akada and Davis both bow out here. Wakky failed on his first try. Can he do it? His career best is 19. He still has a chance to sneak in there somehow. Wakky. NO! He hit the board too late.

18 boxes. Only four left. Miyazaki, Ihara, Terek and Iketani. Ihara's first attempt fails. As does Miyazaki. There is such a big difference in the way those with a gymnastics background jump and everyone else. Terek clears! He could probably hit 20 because he has the upper body strength to push off the box. See, Iketani never breaks his stride. It's a fluid run up to the board to jump off. A lot of people do a burst followed by a bunch of small steps because they don't have the timing. It slows them down too much to make clean jumps. Iketani clears and Ihara is out. Miyazaki! He makes it on his second try!

19 boxes. Down to three. These three are your last three Sportsman No. 1 champions. Miyazaki! First try! Terek's first try isn't as successful. Iketani. No problem. If Terek doesn't clear here, his chance of repeating is getting less and less. Second try....CLEAR!

20 boxes. Miyazaki. First try. New personal best! He's really putting the pressure on Terek tonight. Terek. Whoa. He's clear too! Sugoi na. I think Terek realizes that the Japanese are gunning for him. Iketani. No problem. Wow.

21 boxes. Will we see a record attempt tonight? Both Terek and Miyazaki are furthering career bests. Iketani doesn't always clear 21 on the first try. Let's see what happens. Miyazaki. First try. No! Terek. Ye..NO! He caught the end of the top. Miyazaki nods knowingly. Powder those pits Naoki! 21 is no match for the powdered pits of Iketani. Miyazaki. Second try. Zannen! Terek. Second try. Zannen!

Your winner: Iketani Naoki! 池谷直樹

Final Battle: Shot-Gun Touch!

Interesting situation as every event was taken by a different person. Right now the scores go Miyazaki, Iketani, Terek, Sakurai, Wakky. The winner gets a Nissan El Grand.

Satou and Inaba are out at 12m. Tamada tries to go for the soccer player record at 12m50cm but can't. Kinnikun hits the 12m50cm. Davis just misses. Kinoshita and Ihara clear. Wakky JUST gets his middle finger on the ball. Paul ANTHONY Terek JUST gets it too. Iketani and Miyazaki hit it too. Tamada hits it to tie the soccer player record (take THAT Ronaldinho). Davis JUST gets his hand UNDER the ball. Sakurai can't get the ball on his second try, which means his standing at 5th is in jeopardy.

12m70cm. Tamada misses and ends up only tying the record. Davis clears. I guess they changed the rules and you only get two chances to miss overall. Akada clears. Ihara hits the ball with his head again. Wakky, Terek, Iketani and Miyazaki all miss. Kinnikun is out. Wakky can't break into the top three and his night ends. Paul ANTHONY Terek. Kore wa doudeshou? The dream is over. The American Monster has been stopped! Iketani! No! That means that Miyazaki's last try is a mere formality. He hits it!

13m. Davis, Kinoshita, Akada, Ihara and Miyazaki are left. Davis is going for the Major Leaguer record (12m90cm). Yes! He moves past Wakky into 4th. Kinoshita and Akada can't get it. Ihara attempts to try to hit the ball with his head again.

Ooo. Commercial hyping the coming of the Spring SASUKE (no date announced yet). I believe they are accepting entry applications.

Ihara does it again! Miyazaki is finished. Kinoshita can't pull in the pass. Akada is finished for the night.

13m30cm. Davis...is finished for the night. At least he'll be in the record books. Ihara still has a chance if he can keep going. This must suck for Miyazaki to have no control over the outcome. Ihara hasn't missed yet. Ihara! Hajimete shippai! He has one more try. Second try. Zannen!

Your sort of winners: Ihara Yasushi 飯原誉士 and Rajai Davis!

Your final standings:

6. Wakky ワッキー 300 points
5. Rajai Davis 305 points
4. Ihara Yasushi 飯原誉士 325 points
3. Paul ANTHONY Terek 360 points
2. Iketani Naoki 池谷直樹 375 points
1. Miyazaki Daisuke 宮崎大輔 480 points


Anonymous said...

Thanks for this. I always enjoy your commentaries on Sausuke and similar competitions.

What's the deal with Iketani's powdery pits? No fair mentioning a detail like that without explanation. I'm getting a really unattractive visual of hairy man-pits coated with powder turned pasty. Hope I'm wrong.

All best,

lostinube said...

Thanks for the comment snowy.

Actually, Iketani's pits are quite hairless and he powders them because of the way he runs up to the monster box. It's pretty much the same as a gymnast doing a vault; their arms stay fairly close to their bodies. Less friction and chafing if you powder them, I guess. Kind of like putting powder on your hand when playing billiards.

Some Kinda Wonderful said...

Oh my God! I'm so glad you asked, snowy, so I didn't have to. But that was way more information on Iketani's pits than either of us needed to know, eh?
Thanks lostinube, you are such a sweetheart to give us the blow-by-blow account of these shows. I'm sending you a mental hug, you can accept it or not, as you please.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the explanation--sounds like the opposite of grip powder. Didn't mean to get so graphite, I mean, graphic. Hope I didn't gross you out too badly!

lostinube said...

Thanks some kinda wonderful and snowy.
Actually, don't take my word for it. It was the only explanation I could figure out. The powder is there to increase your grip by decreasing moisture. I guess we could always go to his blog and try to ask him.

Arsenette said...

I ADORE your comments :) (especially the horseface...... digressing..)
Looking forward to Sasuke 20 (pssst.. March 26th..) :D