Oh hey! Look what's back!
KUNOICHI 2017!
And we're already into it!
1. Yuko Kuroki! Is a pro boxer! And she's first! Hey, Yuko Mizuno. Rolling Hill. Slowly. And she's clear! Pipe Hold next. And no! She's out!
2. Anna Konno! Rolling Hill. And..slight problem but she's on the other side! And through! Pipe Hold next. Fan service. Slowly. Cut because she took WAY too long. Fish Bone up next. Slowly. Lots time lost. And she doesn't even make the first step! RETIRE!
Oh hey, Katsumi Yamada got a part time job.
3. Kahori Fujiwara up next. She was on SASUKE before. Rolling Hill. And through. Pipe Hold next. Not as slow as Konno. And she's through. Fish Bone next. 70 seconds left. And she's through! Not much time left though. X-Bridge. And she's through! Jump Hang. Tonda...NO! RETIRE!
Oh hey, NOW we go into the intro.
At least we know someone will make the final.
Dig those graphics!
Commercials.
Three Stages. Red Stage, Blue Stage and Final Stage. The Final Stage is a light-uppy.
Quick look at some of the people competing tonight. Lots of celebs and sports people.
Everyone looks at the course. Oh please tell me they let Yamada run the course.
4. Yui Arakawa up next! She teaches at a kindergarten. Rolling Hill. Pipe Hold next. Oh! She used her legs to kick off the back part. Smart. Fish Bone. And she's through! X-Bridge is no problem. But the Jump Haaaang! And...RETIRE!
Yuko Mizuno points out that the Jump Hang and Soritatsu Kabe are SASUKE obstacles.
5. MYW. She breakdances! Rolling...And she's already...RETIREd!
7. Ginga Horie is up next! She doffs her lab coat for extra power. Already up to the Pipe Hold. Slowly. Kowai! She can't keep her balance. Taking a while but she's finally through! Fish Bone. And RETIRE!
9. Ayaka Kitagawa is up next! She also THSOFEP. Rolling Hill. Up the first part. Slowly down the second. Pipe Hold. She pushes off but almost lost her balance. But she's through! Fish Bone. Getting set. And no! RETIRE! Like the lighting.
10. Ayako Rokkaku is up next! So far no one has passed! 140 to clear by the way. Commercials.
Back.
Rokkaku. Jumps up the Rolling Hill! Slowly down. And she's through! Pipe Hold. Doesn't really kick off. But she's almost through. And she's through! Fish Bone next. NO! She got right at the last moment! RETIRE! Kore ha kuyashii!
RED STAGE RETIRE
11. SKE48's Haruka Futamura is up next! She failed the Rolling Hill at SASUKE last time. Can she get at least past that this time?
Here she goes. She THJOFEP by the way. Rolling Hill. And she's through! Let's see that again for whatever reason. Pipe Hold. Halfway through. Slowly. And she's through! Fish Bone next. First step. And RETIRE!
12. Reika Saiki next! She's an idol but also debuted as a pro wrestler recently. She's all buff and stuff, which is her hook. And she's through the Rolling Hill. Fan Service. Fish Bone next. And she takes the RETIRE in the face as she's falling on the Fish Bone.
14. Mayu Ito up next. She's a dancing oneesan. And she's done on the Rolling Hill. RETIRE!
15. Okado something or other (I got her name wrong. Slowly down the other side...but no! RETIRE!
16. Keiko Takemoto next! She's a government worker who also does pole dancing. Rolling Hill. Whoops. Almost went down the other side too quickly. But now she's through! Next is the Pipe Hold and you know the announcer is DYING to say something. Fish Bone up. Timing. And she's through. X-Bridge. Slowly. And she's through! Jump Hang next. NO! Classic Jump Hang fail. RETIRE!
Not so much a bad jump as she couldn't hang on. RED STAGE RETIRE.
18. Yuu Takahashi is up next. She's a model. Rolling Hill. And she's through! She's kinda tall. Slowly down the other side. Kowai kowai! But she's through. Pipe Hold. Kick off. Yes! Almost through. And she's through! Fish Bone next. NO! RETIRE! Great shot of her just lying there in the foam peanuts.
19. Natsumi Taoka is next! She's a pro surfer with an aim towards the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. Rolling Hill! Dangerously down the other side! But she's through. Pipe Hold. Didn't really kick off but she's through. Good pace. Fish Bone next. And..NO! She tried to go fast but got hit at the last step. RETIRE!
20. Rina Sawayama is figure skater! She's done SASUKE a couple of times. Not to exactly great results though. Rolling Hill. Up the first part. And through. Pipe Hold. Fan Service. And she's through! Fish Bone next. No! She wasn't watching her side and got knocked off. RETIRE!
21. Chiyo Suzuki, 22. Aki Ueda get knocked out by the Fish Bone!
23. Ayumi Kataoka! She's a baseball player. She plays on a men's team, I think whereas the other baseball players are in a women's league. Pipe Hold And she's through! Fish Bone next. And she's got it! X-Bridge next. Go fast or you'll fall. She's through! Jump Hang next. And she's got the net! First one tonight. Needs to climb down though. Losing a lot of time though as she's sort of tangled in the net. But she's through! 30 seconds left as she's the first to try the Soritatsu Kabe. Commercials.
Back as we go back in time to her doing the Jump Hang.
SASUKE Spray makes and appearance. First try. NO! NO! Time going red soon. Yes! But time is running out. NO!
Still, the first to clear the Jump Hang and the Soritatsu Kabe tonight!
25. Sakiko Okabe next! Pipe Hold already. Fan Service. Slowly but surely. And she's through! Fish Bone coming up. And she's through! X-Bridge is no problem. Jump Hang next. Yes! Better net form than Kataoka. And she's through! About 30 seconds. Maybe one or two chances on the wall. NO! One more time. Time going red. She's tired. No! Time going red. And RETIRE! Good effort though.
26. Model and pro-wrestler Saki Akai is up next. Go watch DDT everyone. Rolling Hill. Up and down. Down slowly though. Well, thanks to TBS we know she at least reaches the Fish Bone. She covers up in the weirdest Pipe Hold form tonight. But she's through. Fish Bone. NO! The lights go down and RETIRE!
29. and 30 are out! As is 31! And 32! And 33! 0 for 33!
34. Ayaka Sakai is a pole dancer and Samurai Rock Orchestra member. Commercials first.
Rolling Hill. And through! Pipe Hold. She pushes off! Fan Service. And she's through! Fish Bone. And she's through! X-Bridge next. And through! Jump Hang. Yes! Not the greatest net technique so she's losing time. Almost there. And through. Enough time to clear. Soritatsu Kabe. Set. NO! Maybe one more try. YES! Does she have enough time? Cannon Ball next. Time is going red. Needs to hurry. NO! RETIRE! Time up. So close.
35. Yuu Kato is another baseball player! We have yet to see a clear! Here she goes. Rolling Hill. Pushes off on the Pipe Hold. And she's through! Fish Bone next. Other baseball players walk the course to cheer her on. NO! RETIRE!
38. Aya Asahina is next. Slowly down the other side. Pipe Hold. She sort of kicks off. Slowly. Fish Bone next. And no! She gets caught. RETIRE!
RED STAGE RETIRE!
39. Mika Watanabe up next! She's been on SASUKE and is the 1st woman to clear the Soritatsu Kabe. Rolling Hill. Slowly down the other side. Pipe Hold next. Haha. She rides the pole through instead of what everyone else did. Fish Bone next. Yes! Through to the Jump Hang as I was chatting. Sorry! Not being able to go over is kind of killing people (it's too high to go over). But she's through! Maybe one chance on the wall. NO! Not a good run up. YES! She's through! Can she do it? Less than six seconds. Needs...NO! So close.
41. Ami Imamura! She of the Kami Swing. Rolling Hill. Slowly down the other side. And through. Pipe Hold next. She pushes off. Fish Bone up next. Lots of time. And shes's NO! She gets caught RIGHT at the end! Right before she hit the landing platform she gets pulled up.
42. Hikari Izumi up next! She's a parkour..person. Rolling Hill. And through. Pipe Hold. She does the Mika. And through! Fish Bone next. And through! X-Bridge is no problem! Jump Hang. Hayai tempo! Can she do it? Not the best technique but she's zooming ahead. Can she be the first? Commercials.
Back. Hayai tempo. Sort of tied up in the net though. Needs to be careful. And through! Soritatsu Kabe. First try! She's going to do it! Cannon Ball next. Lots of time. YES! 35.22 left! Our first clear!
43. Kana Watanabe. She's a judo player. Can she be our second tonight? Rolling Hill. And through! Pipe Hold. She does the traditional. And through! Fish Bone next. And through! X-Bridge next. And through! Jump Hang! Yes! Lots of time left. Still losing a lot of time though. Maybe two shots at the wall. And only needs one! Will she be the second? Lots of time left! And that's two at 23.86!
That's two!
44. Chen Chu makes it three at 13.30!
45. Ayano Oshima is next! Lets see her epic SASUKE run that ended with her at the top of the Soritatsu Kabe.
Rolling Hill. Pipe Holder up. She does the Mika. Lots of time. Fish Bone next. And she's through! X-Bridge is no problem. Jump Hang! Yes! Lots of time so she can be careful here. And she's through! Soritatsu Kabe. First try! Lots of time! Cannon Ball next. No problem! 49.93 left! She killed the course!
That's four!
47. RENA is next. Rolling Hill. Slowly down the other side. Pipe Hold up. She does the Mika. Fish Bone up. NO! RENA! Haven't said this in a while but RETIRE!
48. Yuki Kawabata is our last baseball player! Rolling Hill. Yes! Pipe Hold. She almost falls off! But she's going slowly. But through! Fish Bone coming up. Through! X-Bridge. Yes! Jump Hang YES! Whoa! Almost lost her grip. Needs to hurry. She has about a minute left. Maybe two shots at the wall. And she gets it! Needs to hurry. Or maybe not. Ad she's through at 16.42!
And two are left!
49. Honami Tsuboi was in the Japan Rhythmic Gymnastics Team at the Beijing Olympics. Rolling Hill. Slowly. And through! Pipe Hold next. She does the traditional so Fan Service. But she's through! Fish Bone. NO! Right at the end! She almost brushed it off.
And now there is only one left! Yuko Mizuno! She made the KUNOICHI final two years in a row.
50. Yuko Mizuno! Lot of pressure on her. Commercials first.
Back.
Rolling Hill. And through! She does the Pipe Hold traditional. And through! Fish Bone. This is NO...WAIT! NO! Right at the end! RETIRE! I like the ladder to get out of the pit.
The Blue Stage is up next! There are five who will try! It's a mixture of SASUKE and KUNOICHI style obstacles.
Hikari Izumi is first up. No timer here. There are two "hooks" to get over the Slide Walk. But she's through! Spider Walk next. And through! Reverse Conveyer up. And she's through! Can she do it? Slant Edge next. First wall is OK. Coming up on the sharper wall. And through! Sponge Bridge next. But commercials first.
Back.
On the Sponge Bridge. Halfway through. Almost there. YES! She's through! Cliff Hanger next. At the gap. YES! Only one more obstacle left! The Waver Bridge. Halfway. Almost there. YES! Clear!
She's going to the Final Stage! The first to try the Blue Stage is our first clear!
Kana Watanabe is FFed all the way up to the Sponge Bridge. NO! RETIRE!
Chin Chuin also RETIREs at the Sponge Bridge. The classic KUNOICHI obstacle is still a killer.
Ayano Oshima is up next. But commercials first.
Back.
Slide Walk. No problem. Spider Walk next. Good speed. And she's through! Reverse Conveyer next. And through! Up to the second wall on the Slant Edge. Almost there. Yes! Sponge Bridge up next. Commercials first.
Back.
Slowly on the Sponge Bridge. NO! Losing it. NO! And she's out! It was a good run though!
Yuki Kawabata gets FFed to the Sponge Bridge. And she breaks the first one as she falls!
So only one goes on to the Final Stage!
Hikari Izumi is our lone KUNOICHI 2017 finalist!
Final Stage
Reporter waiting at the top.
Here we go! Commercials first.
Back.
Here she goes! It's an awkward double ladder and then a rope climb. Time going red! I don't know!..NO! Our final RETIRE!
Still, a great debut at KUNOICHI by Hikari Izumi! Congratulations to her! Hopefully we will see her get another chance at the final!
Commercial for SASUKE 2017!
Anyway, a fun reboot of the KUNOICHI series after a long hiatus. Hopefully it does well in the ratings and we get to see it again soon.
Here's what I was doing on twitter:
https://storify.com/lostinube/kunoichi-2017
