KUNOICHI 2009 The Sort of Live Blog!

KUNOICHI 2009!

I'll fill this part in later.

Let's get to it!

Wow, that looks like a lot to set up for the show.

1st Stage. Groups of four. The top two advance to the 2nd Stage.

Let's catch some reactions to their groupings.

There are flags at the end. YOU MUST GET ONE!

Group One!
Pro lacrosse plater, Watanabe Sae, Inoue Masumi, Nail Artist Kanna something.

Two minutes to finish.

Good night to the nail artist. Watanabe is ahead. Wait, no she isnt. Oh crap this is hard to follow. Lacrosse player and soft tennis player are the only ones left. Yamada is almost through! She's up to the net. Inoue is there, too. Lots of time left. And that's one! And that's two!

Let's look at the nail artist get hit where the men would DIE.

Group Two!

Street dancer Yamada. Three others.

Everyone going so far. Snow boarder is last but has now caught up. Wait..NO! Yes! Everyone is through. Spider walk like thing. Muscle Musical girl is ahead. All up to the swing. Everyone is through! And it's a race up the net! Who will it be? Can they push each other off? Oshima is through! And street dancer Yamada!

Group Three!

Actress Miki Hara. Three others.

Here we go! Up to the log. All through. Cut to the swing thing. That's one! Two! Someone overshoots! And the other girl has given up since she's stuck on the log thingy. Uh oh. Time is going red. Yes! Miki Hara and someone else are through!

Group Four!

Magician Yukari Nishi, idol Ami Tokito, a model, comedienne Harumi Edo.

Let's see Edo run the 24 Hour Television marathon. I don't expect much out of her but hey, I don't work in casting. KU NO I CHI.

Ah..OK, the model is Mika Kagoshima. My first full group of names! And Nishi does magic! But let's go to a commercial first. Perhaps she can magic herself to the finish line. Or would that be against the rules?

Was that a Soka Gakkai commercial?

Back. Let's see the magic again! Or maybe not.

They're off! Racer is OUT! Tokito is ahead. Some pro..NO! That's it for her! Magician Nishi and Edo are kind of stuck. Edo is...Um...OK. some problems for both of them. Yes! Spider Walking thingy. OK, not really Spider Walk since there are ledges on the fences. Magician finally falls into the water. MAGIC IS NOT REAL! Does she have enough time? Edo is up to the swing. Not much time left. Um. OK. And...NO! She didn't have the form. That's all four!

Tokito rushed so that killed her. Edo was a female stereotype so that did her in.

Group Five!

Hiromi Satake and wait..um..

A whole bunch of people fail. That wasn't a group.

Group Five!

Former Morning Musume member Makoto Ogawa!

So is the repechage for eveyrone or just the ones where no one cleared?

Whoops. They started already. Everyone up to the Multiple Log bridge thing. Fence Walk. NO! That's one. And the messenger is out at the bridge. And there goes Ogawa! Cut to the last person at the swing...AND SHE OVERSHOOTS!

THEY CHANGED THE NAMES OF THE OBSTACLES! Bastards.

I guess in theory you could swing all the way to net.

Group Six!

Comedienne Itou Asako, Akiko benchpress champion, ballroom dancer, idol Manami Hashimoto.

Is the log hurdle an obstacle?

Akiko Benchpress champion is OUT! The log bridge thing. Ballroom dancer is through! There's Hashimoto! And Itou! Fence Walk. The ballroom dancer flashes her lady clothes in an un-ladylike way and then FAILS THE SWING! Two left.

But let's cut to the commercials first!

 Back!

Itou does the "It's scary schtick." Then falls in anyway! And there goes Hashimoto! That's everyone! Wait. So do the top two go to the repechage?

Group Seven! And Group Eight!

A bunch of actresses and the AKB48 members all fail!

Group Eight! Idol Akai Saki fails!

And there goes Role Chen in Group Nine or maybe not Group Nine. Argh!

Screw it.

Group Ten!

An idol, Rie Komiya and...her clips of past KUNOICHI performances. And SASUKE. I think they're building her up for something. Fukushima Wakaga. And a Crane operator.

Ready! *Bang!*

Komiya is ahead. Whoa! OK. Fence walk thing. I guess it doesn't matter which one you take. Komiya is through. Swing thing. Fukushima is still there. Komiya is through! Fukushima..NO! She was almost there! And Komiya is through! Whoops. Sorry cra..oh wait. There she is. She was too short to get to the Ladder nad timed out.

Hey! Chie Nishimura! Let's go back in time and see the only woman who ever cleared the 1st Stage of SASUKE. Her kids are there. That's not good.

Chie Nishimura. Here they go. Kitagawa is out! Maeda is out! Arimatsu! Yes! Nishimura...NO! She fell as she hit the platform! Shouldn't have brought the kids.

Group Eleven!

Double dutcher (umm) Rin! Lacrosse player! Triathlon lady! Satomi Kadoi of the Muscle Musical!

High level group!

Here we go. Kadoi is ahead. Some trouble with the logs. Kadoi is through! Rin is ahead! Rin and Kadoi are neck and neck! Last part! Kadoi yes! Rin hits the platform and falls! Serves her right for waving her hands in the air like she didn't care. Wait. Still time for the girl whose blog I found before!

Group Twelve!

Ayako Inada of the Muscle Musical! Cut to just her clearing.

Miku Asai, pro wakeboarder! I guess she was the only one to reach since she grabbed both flags.

Other people passed! One of them was Shingo Yamamoto's underling!

Group Thirteen!

Lady with really long name. Mayumi Asano. Mikki. Sumiko Nishioka.

Go! Nishioka is ahead. Wait. Mikki is. All at the log bridge thingy. Mikki is first through! And then Nishioka. Mikki is short and it works against her. Long name lady, Nishioka and Mikki are all at the swing thing!

But let's peruse some products via this machine called the television first.

My gosh, how many commercials is Kimura doing? Get off my TV!

If you love yourself, give yourself some coffee!

TYS! Challenging! Charming! Cheer!

Back.

At the log swing. Hula dancer is finally out. Nishioka is...through? She touched water. Mikki overshoots! Lots of time! Nishioka is through! OK. I found the hula dancer lady's blog too! And the lady with the long name is through!

I would throw a challenge flag on Nishioka touching the water but the show was filmed a while ago.

Let's look at who has cleared so far! No numbers so it's hard to figure out how many we've seen.

Group Fourteen!

Frisbee lady. buff lady. Chinese acrobat. Sara Jean Underwood (representing G4).

And Sara Jean does some training with Maho Tanaka!

Here we go! Everyone OK so far. Geez, how many times can he mention Playboy and Playmate? Cut to the final obstacle! Sara is through! Ultimate frisbee lady is out! Buff lady is out! Sara Jean is the last one standing!

Flag on the play! Maybe not.

It was hard

Group Fifteen!

Which one is Takeda cheering for? Three are through! It's a race to the top! Go bikini lady! I bet that's who he's cheering for. Muscle Musical lady and buff bikini lady are through! And that's it for Takeda's screen time! He wasn't cheering for bikini lady.

Susanne something something! She's an Olympic medalist! And wait...is the Lady Nagano going against her? Ouch. Let's re-air SASUKE footage and see Monster 9 INVADE FAMILY TIME!

Here we go! Wait. CMs first.

New Pachinko parlor opening soon! Be there or get a real job!

Ready!

Back.

Here we go. Everyone is through to the first part. Let's look at Nagano yell at his wife. Cut!

At the swing! Two are gone! Nagano could do it! First swing. NO! And yes! But she she has to hurry! Time is going red! NO! Time up! Hey! Shingo!

The baby is too young to understand MOM'S FAILURE.

Group Sixteen!

A field hockey lady is out! A kickboxer is out! A soccer player is out! A loser is you!

A young mother times out!

Rena Higashi! Where's mom? NO! There's mom.

Maho Tanaka! She's going against field hockey player Yuka Kato! And others!

Tanaka is rocking the neon jams today.

Kato is ahead. Tanaka is kind of stuck on the log thing. Whoa. Kato is almost finished and there's like a minute left. Tanaka needs to hurry. She's through! But she'll have to beat the other girl! Can she do it? NO!

Ouch.

She took too long on the log bridge thing.

Repechage time!

If all four have been eliminated, they have to go on a spinning platform in pairs and then reach the finish line. Only one gets through.

Itou Asako goes against the bench press lady. Hashimoto goes against the ballroom dancer. Twenty seconds of spinning.

And that's it! The ballroom dancer lady is through!

Next group!

Interviews that are actually Descente commercials. Catch them all!

Kagoshima and Edo on the red side. Nishi and Tokito on the other side. Here we go a-spinning. I think Kagoshima should have an advantage here but who knows. Stop! Kagoshima is ahead! Wait! Kagoshima and Nishi have both gotten the flag! And? What's the decision! Let's go to the booth! Wait! The instant replay shows that Kagoshima got it first!

Nagano gets another chance! She's paired with a cheerleader on the red side. The tall Olympian lady and the idol are on the other side. Here they go! The idol! Nagano! Nagano! Yes! The Olympian didn't even leave the platform. G-Cup idol Yazawa didn't stand a chance. I guess you have to try just in case the person falls.

Pro wrestler and Idoling's Sakai on the red side. Rola Chen and some other girl on the other side. Don't be polite! Sakai is through! I'd be pushing people out of the way but I am quite unsportsmanlike.

Oy. Satake and the gal with four kids on the blue side. Sakai and a volleyball on the red. Go! I bet the gal with four kids does it. Yes! She does.

Hey, Rena gets another chance.

Soccer player Onodera is through! As is a sports instructor. And another Idoling member.

Now it's Makoto Ogawa's group.

So if you're not famous and your group loses, you get more screen time!

Here they go! I could have caught the names but I'm lazy.

Ogawa is right off! But let's watch a commercial first. Or two.

Why are a bunch of underage comic strip characters selling cars?

People still care about Pokemon?

Back.

Ogawa is up! Whoops. Someone finally fell into the water. Not Ogawa though.

They should make the pathway thinner to make it harder. Or spin them around longer. I mean, I know someone has to win but whatever.

2nd Stage! Or Stage 2. Or 2nd Stage! Make up your minds!

A bunch of older obstacles are used here. They have three minutes and thirty seconds. That seems excessive to me. Makoto thinks that there's enough time for Asami to clear.

I can see a lot of people failing here.

Mika Kagoshima is up first! Jump. YES! NO! She was on then off. That freaks everyone out. Timing is important! No interview for her.

Gal with four kids is next! The kids are there. Not a good sign. And she doesn't have the timing! And hits the water!

Shiho Onodera is next! Yes! She's the first! Three logs. OK! Return of the course navigation graphic! Ball steps. NO! Her foot just caught the water. You are out! She tried to jump way too early.

Makoto Ogawa is up next! Here she goes. Jump. Yes! Commercials.

Back.

Ogawa is through! Three logs. Balls. Taking her time. NO! Took her time on the first step then rushed the second.

Erika Tomooka of Idoling is up next. Jump. Yes! Three logs. Balls. Yes! Platform walk. Halfway through. Slowly. Slowly. Almost there. Yes! Through! The number on her shirt is her Idoling number by the way. Barrel Roll. NO! Couldn't get it started.

Asami Nagano is next! Jump first. Yes! The Lady Nagano moves on. Three logs. Ball Steps. Slowly. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. One more and YES! She's through. Platform steps. Cut ahead! Almost there. Yes! Barrel Roll. Hey, Takuya Kawahara. CMs first.

Hey, Makoto. Unless you want your child to suffer permanent neck damage let's see some head support while you're watching your wife.

Back.

Here we go. NO! And that's it for Makoto Nagano's screen time! And Nagano laughs! And I heard Shingo laughing at her too!

Let's see some others fail.

Miki Hara is next! OUCH. She fell on the slide. Never seen that happen before.

Next is long name lady! Yes! Three logs. Balls. Yes! Platform coming up next. Slowly. NO! Yeah, once you start losing it there's no going back.

Let's see some more fail! Lots more fail!

Sumiko Nishioka is up next!

Stop! CM time!

Back.

Jump. NO! She slipped on the slide too! Ouch.

Saori Amano is up next! Jump. Yes! Almost didn't make it. Balls. No one has made it yet. Platform steps. Whoa! She just blows past them. Barrel Roll. Can she do it? NO! She started going backwards.

Yeah, don't wear white at SASUKE or KUNOICHI.

How many times can we hear Playboy or Playmate of the Year this time?

What was THAT interview all about?

Sara Jean Underwood! Here she goes. Jump. Yes! Three logs. Balls coming up. NO! She rushed it and hit the water. Too bad for YOU G4.

Shingo Yamamoto! His girl is still around! The Chickens are Revolting!

Sayaka Okamoto is next! Here we go. Jump. Yes! CMs.

I guess she gets his theme by default.

Back by the way.

Jump! Yes! Three logs. Balls coming up. Shingo shouts advice! She waves him off! Halfway there. Yes! Platforms. Shingo says go at your own pace! She's a bit busy right now Shingo. Through! Barrel Roll coming up. Looking good. Yes! Our first! Area Six! She has to walk across three poles of wood that get thinner. About a minute left though. Oh wait, the last one is pipe. Needs to hurry. NO! Shingo is upset! You're fired! Darn. She was so close.

Many have tried! None have passed!

Miku Asai is next! She's a wakeboarder. Jump. Yes! Cut ahead. Platform. Yes! Cut ahead. Barrel Roll. NO!

More fail.

You Nakao! She's in the Muscle Musical. Cut ahead to the Barrel Roll. Poles. Last one...NO! She does a full flip into the water!

Inoue is out too! Wow, is ANYONE going to make it?

Sachiyo Yamada! She plays lacrosse. Can she be the first? Jump. Yes! Three logs. Balls. Whoa! Losing it. She's OK! Back on track. Halfway there. May need to pick up the pace though. Platforms. Cut ahead. Halfway through. Almost there. Four more. Yes! Barrel Roll coming up. Yes! Can she do it? The first two poles have a rope in the middle. The last doesn't. Here she goes. Can she be the first? Yes! As the time goes red! She's our first!

One out of thirty!

Hey, in the back you can see a platform with the numbers one through ten. Will there even be that many?

Rie Komiya! She's next. She failed the Final Stage in the 5th KUNOICHI.

Jump. YES! Logs. Ball steps. She has her arms out. BECAUSE SHE HAS BALANCE! Whoa! Almost lost it. Back up. Back on track. Halfway though. Yes! Platform walk. Arms outstretched. May need to pick up the pace but I'm not the one doing it so your mileage may vary with that advice. Over halfway. Last three. Yes! Barrel Roll coming up. Bet she makes it to the Final. Barrel is no problem! First pole. Second pole. Third one. This is the killer. Needs to hurry though. Yes! With sixteen seconds left!

That's two!

Tomomi Arimatsu! She's next. Cut ahead. Yes! That's three. I think she's in the Muscle Musical too but I'll have to check.

Ayako Inada! She's definitely in the Muscle Musical. Jump. Logs. Balls. Yes! Platform coming up. Halfway through. Wait! She's doing the splits but there's no way she'll get back up. And there she goes. Mother said there'd be days like this. Good thing she wore the clean leotard.

Yuka Kato! She's a field hockey player. Cut ahead to the Platform. Last four steps. Yes! Barrel Roll. Slowly. Not getting a lot of speed. Almost there. Yes! Tonda! Poles coming up. About a minute left. One. Two. Three...thirty seconds left. Getting ready. Yes!

That's four!

Satomi Kadoi! She's next. Jump! Logs. We ain't cutting to a com...oh wait. Yes, we are.

Back.

Jump. Yes! Logs. Moving quickly. Balls. Yes! Platform. Halfway there. Whoa..slipped at the end. Through! Barrel Roll. Little too fast! But yes! Last part. Lots of time left. Almost two minutes. Last pole. Look at that electrical tape holding it together. It's high tech! Yes! She's through!

And...that's everyone! Only five are through!

Stage Three! Or the 3rd Stage! Only three make it through. The Flying Roll! It's a vault over a pole using a trampoline. Similar to what they did at the SASUKE 22 Trials. We go until there are three!

1m 60cm.

Sachiyo Yamada is through! Will this be a never-ending battle of Monster Box proportions?

Rie Komiya is next. No problem!

Yuka Kato, you're up! Yes!

Tomomi Arimatsu is up next. Yes! Geez, I hope SOMEONE is getting a profit off the music because they are using it a lot.

Satomi Kadoi is next. No problem!

1m 80cm.

Sachiyo Yamada..NO! But she has another chance. Two chances per height it appears.

Komiya is up next but let's have some beer...commercials that is.

Back.

Komiya at her first chance at 1m 80cm. Yes!

Yuka Kato's first try..NO!  She'll get another try.

Tomomi Arimatsu...Yes! No problem. Takai!

Satomi Kadoi..yep!

1m 80cm.

Wait. Those dreaded commercials strike again!

1m 80cm. Second try.

Sachiyo Yamada...NO! That's it for her! Thanks for playing!

That's one down.

I should point out that it's raining at this point.

Yuka Kato. So if she misses, then what? Wait. Here she goes. NO!!!!!!!!!

Just like the Monster Box, it comes down to technique.

And just like that! We have three in the Final Stage!

700 have tried!

Yuuko Mizuno! She's never done it! Ayako Miyake! She's done it three times! Maho Tanaka! She failed the 3rd Stage last time!

Let's take a break before they all attempt the Final Stage.

Back.

Final Stage!

Survival Climbing! Ladder into a rock climb thingy.

They have 60 seconds.

Let's go to the top!

There are three! And they are serious! They also work for Monster 9 but that's beside the point!

Rie Komiya is first.

Here she goes! She takes about ten seconds to get to the Climbing Wall. Slowing down now. She's halfway up. Lots of time. This is the trouble part, switching from wall to wall.

But we have time to fill! So let's cut to some commercials.

Let's relive her run at KUNOICHI 5 AGAIN. AND THEN START BACK AT THE BOTTOM!

Jeez.

Up the ladder. On the Climbing Wall now. Halfway up. Thirty seconds left. Needs to make the switch. Is she losing it? Twenty seconds. She's there! Go! Time is going red! Yes! With 3.7 seconds left!

Kanzenseiha! Not that this is an unusual thing at KUNOICHI but hey, new person!

And her Muscle Musical mates congratulate her!

Tomomi Arimatsu is up next! Does seeing someone doing it put more or less pressure on her?

Here she goes! Climb is slower than R...wait. Is that a commercial on the horizon?

Back!

Back at the beginning again. Pace is behind Komiya's. At the switch. This is the part that takes time. Needs to hurry. She's there! go! Hurry! Almost there! Time is going red! YES!!

5.9 seconds left!

That's two! Wait. A-HA. She touched the side of the board. NO COMPLETION FOR YOU. Course out!

No wonder they didn't acknowledge that she's a Muscle Musical member. She brings shame to the company!

Satomi Kadoi! She's our last and final challenger!

But let's get our last and final commercial!

Back.

Let's see if Kadoi can do it! She had the fastest time during the 2nd Stage.

Her hands are powdered up!

She FLIES up the ladder. Climbing Wall. At the switch. Can she do it? Yes! Lots of time! Wow. Almost there. Yes! With 21.4 seconds left. Yowza.

Kanzenseiha!

She gets the final interview since she, in the words of the kids "pwned" that stage. But hey, don't forget Rie.

That was different! The format may need some tweaking though. It looked like they were planning on more people reaching the 3rd Stage so they had to drag out the Final Stage. It was an interesting (for me anyway) mix of practically every type of Monster 9 programming you could think of. There was a SASUKE Trial like 1st Stage. A typical 2nd and Final but they were broken up by a Sportsman No.1 like 3rd Stage. Some may not like the head to head competition but the show had been off for two years and this is kind of a re-boot. And since the ratings were not so hot to begin with, it makes sense that they wanted to shake things up.

However, the course was a bit too easy for the Muscle Musical people. Every Muscle Musical member made it to the 2nd Stage and three made it to the Final Stage. And yes, Arimatsu is a Muscle Musical member, despite them not acknowledging her as such.

The ratings will tell if this was a successful re-boot or not. Let's hope they were good, not so much for the change in format (purists will probably dislike it), but because KUNOICHI being successful can be good for SASUKE and Sportsman No. 1. Bring back Geinojin Sportsman dammit!